Have you heard Kyler Murray was not only the #1 overall pick in the 2019 NFL draft but also the #9 overall pick in the 2018 MLB draft? Of course you’ve heard, you haven’t been living under an Antonio Brown fart for that last five months. Wait, you HAVE been living under an Antonio Brown fart for the last five months?! What was it like under there? How did you survive? Tell me everything! Oh right, Kyler Murray—he’s an incredible athlete on par with the Deshaun Watsons and Lamar Jacksons of the world. Murray flashed his freak athleticism this week against the stout 49ers defense going 24/33 for 150 yards with 2 passing touchdowns while tacking on 8 carries for 67 yards and a rushing touchdown. Kyler Söze now has 14 passing touchdowns and 3 rushing touchdowns on the season as he led the Cardinals in a valiant effort against the first place 49ers,  falling just shy of a huge upset. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:  

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Few people know why the Packers are called “Cheeseheads.” It’s tradition: the worst Packer performer from the previous week is bestowed with a chunk of stinky Limburger cheese which is stuffed into the bottom of their helmet for the following game. In week 9, Aaron Jones took 8 carries for 30 yards and hauled in 1 catch for -1 yards. Needless to say, he was Mr. Limburger for their week 10 game against Carolina and their dairy boy tracked down an extra stinky piece of cheese for this contest. This wedge of stank carried such a putrid scent that the Panthers defense gave the Packer running back a little extra space to roam on Sunday afternoon. Aaron Jones took full advantage, rumbling for 93 yards and 3 touchdowns on 13 carries—he now has an impressive 14 touchdowns on the season. Rest of Season Player Rater has him listed as RB#10 and I’d even bump him a couple spots higher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:    

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have really been pounding the keyboard this week, but it is a labor of love. Zach will be back next week for all of your start/sit needs, and I have you covered today. The two most disappointing quarterbacks are on a bye along with the season’s WR1, among others. The starts and sits are more crucial than ever as we head into the middle weeks of the fantasy football regular season. Let’s get those wins! We’ll start with quarterbacks. 

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A clash of the top two NFL quarterbacks in total pass attempts and two offenses that rank in the top 10 of receiving yards per game. We are set for a treat in the early slate this Sunday, when the Los Angeles Rams make the cross country trip to the A-T-L to face the dirty birds- the Atlanta Falcons. Matt Ryan leads the NFL in pass attempts with 258, followed by the visiting team QB Jared Goff with 246. Let the fantasy fireworks commence….

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Driving down a dark neighborhood street last night, I came across an opossum chilling in the middle of the road. This little marsupial, with a penchant for playing dead, got me thinking about one of my RazzBowl players who I sure thought was dead until week 5 happened: Will Fuller. The Varmint scored 3 touchdowns in week 5 as he powered Team Donkey Teeth all the way up from 49th to 18th place. 

Enough about me. Unless you want to hear more? No? Dang.

Michael Stepney of The Fantasy Authority has reclaimed the top RazzBowl spot once again over Pat Fitzmaurice of The Football Girl with Adam Ronis of Full Time Fantasy rounding out the top three, all separated by less than 15 points. But look out fellas, Donkey Teeth—like Will Fuller—was only playing dead. RazzBowl on! 

What makes the RazzBowl especially unique compared to other best ball formats and industry leagues is our addition of a $10 FAAB budget for the entireway season with a minimum of $1 bids. This allows teams to cycle out dead roster spots (e.g. Andrew Luck, Lamar Miller, etc) but it also means each team will only be allowed a maximum of ten moves for the entire season. Every dollar of each competitor’s free agent budget is just as precious as a Bill Belichick smile.

When teams choose to pony up their FAAB, it’s worthwhile to take a look and see why. There could be a goldmine of speculative adds buried in the RazzBowl transactions this season.

Most RazzBowlers are now more broke than Donkey Teeth after the sugar beet farmers market comes to town, but here’s a few players our competitors splurged for this week:

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Hello my lovelies! Welcome back to another rousing rendition of Hit it or Quit it. Sorry I have been AWOL the past two weeks, but the Feds were catching up to me and I had to give them the slip and head off the grid for a while. It is all good. I found some other patsy to take the fall. Men can be so gullible sometimes. How was your Week 5? Mine was sweet. Coming off a horrifically embarrassing Week 4, my Week 5 was one for the record books. The poor bastards I played this week never knew what hit them. Much like Mason Rudolph. I am sure that dude saw his dead grandmother AND Santa after that hit. Being a woman in this world of male-dominated fantasy virgins is a bit complex sometimes, and sure, there have been leagues I have not been invited back to because I won, but what would you expect from a Fantasy Goddess such as myself? Men can have such fragile egos sometimes, yet you all keep coming back to me week after week for me to lay down my wisdom, so you too, can dominate your leagues. I thank you for that.

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I am not going to be the umpteenth fantasy football blogger to use some combination of Lil Nas X, horses and Michael Gallup. So while he’s the dude in the picture and the title, I’m just not going to do it. Too easy. I can just imagine the king of titles, our Rudy Gamble, just shaking his head reading a title like “The Horses in the back are Gallup’ing all the way home” or Matte black hat wearing Cowboy Michael Gallup’ing into your lineups this weekend” or Lil Nas X or Michael Gallup, who’s got their horses in the back?” So instead let’s through it back to the original Galloping Ghost, Red Grange. What a badass nickname and take a look at the guy:

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Your body hurts and your lungs sting with every breath of freezing air. I know that many days you regret this adventure. Like that one time you benched DJ Chark, or when you blew the top waiver priority on Wayne Gallman. It can get bleak on the mountain, I won’t lie about that.

There is excitement in the challenge, however. Even if you’re winless and feel like you’ve lost your way, don’t give up. I am old enough to have seen 0-5 teams advance to a championship. Each week a new puzzle presents itself, and we just need to solve one at a time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?