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Well, that was interesting. But only if you’re a Packers fan. Ben Roethlisberger? This is Aaron Rodgers, and he just escalated the situation by scoring 6 touchdowns and NOT losing to the Jets. Which seems like an insurmountable escalation right there. If you missed it (you probably should have), the Bears once again confirmed that they are a terrible football team. If they didn’t come out after half-time, already losing 0-42, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. I doubt the Packers would have noticed, that’s for sure. But who doesn’t want to make history? So for the first time in 90 years, the Bears have now given up 50 plus points in consecutive games. And the funniest saddest realist part of all this? Oh yeah, that’s right, this is the Bears coming off a bye. Silly Jets fans, and you thought the 2015 first overall draft pick was yours for the taking…

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The injury bug strikes again, and this time it’s a quarterback who takes the beating. Philadelphia will be without the services of quarterback Nick Foles for several weeks after breaking his collarbone in Sunday’s game against Houston. Mark Sanchez, yes he’s still in the league, came in and helped the Eagles the rest of the way to a win over the Texans. So who can you turn to now? Six teams have a bye this week in Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington. There’s a ton of talent to replace and that’s before we jump into injuries. Let’s get into it and see who you can pick up this week to help your team out…

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Good Afternoon, my three loyal friends! We’re midway through the season, and I wanted to take a chance to analyze our streamer performances over the last eight weeks. Are our streamers weak like your gramps complains about, or are they strong like a young stallion?! That’s what we want to find out here, kids. To start, I went back and looked at the ownership rates of players at our four streamer positions to figure out how many players at each position were owned by over 50% of teams. I found some interesting information:

QB: 20 TE: 16 K: 12 DST 17

In most leagues, 20 QB’s, 16 TE’s, 12 K’s, and 17 DST’s are held on teams over 50% of the time. These are the baselines to which we need to compare our streamers, since we are giving you players that are under 50% owned. We want our picks to outperform the Top-20 QB’s, Top-16 TE’s, Top-12 K’s and the Top-17 DST’s. So how did our streamer performances stack up against the averages? Overall, our average QB’s ranked 16.6 each week, TE’s ranked 21.2 each week (A Niles Paul 47th ranked week killed us), K’s ranked 17.5 each week, and DST’s ranked 14.8 each week. When you look at our ranks, you can see that we’re exceeding the baseline with our QB and DST picks, but underperforming in the TE and K department. We’ll look to rectify and improve these numbers in the second half of the season.

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Welcome back, my lovelies! Once again, we find ourselves all cozied up together, commiserating on our busted a*s rosters, re-evaluating every life decision we ever made, wondering when we are going to get to receive, rather than continually bend over and take it raw week after endless week. Even the stalker in my bushes outside of my house is giving me a look of shame as he peers at me through my bathroom window when I shower. This has to be, by far, one of the wackiest Fantasy Football seasons I have ever had the displeasure of being a part of, and I have done some questionably wacky things in my day (hey, it was college and I needed the money). Anyhoo, I digress… well, let’s get down and dirty with what I know you are all waiting for, Hit it or Quit it, Week 9.

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An enthralling Thursday Night Football game? What is this dark wizardry you speak of? In a game that immediately started off with a Patriots touchdown in the first minute and a half, reminding us that it was, in fact, Thursday night, the Jets managed to respond with a scoring drive of their own. Sure, that drive and the next two successful ones all ended in field goals, but there was a level competency that I didn’t think the Jets were capable of. Of course, things fall apart, the center cannot hold, something-something, wax poetic, and the 27-25 Patriots led game came down to a field goal at the 58-yard line, which ended up being blocked. There were your usual Jets/Patriot hallmarks though, including such timeless moments as: Rex Ryan angry! Jets excruciating hard-earned first downs! Brady not getting called for intentional grounding, ever! (The one to Vereen and to Gronk, I was closer to the ball watching from home.) And of course a dirty below the knees hit on a quarterback not named Tom Brady that doesn’t get called! But that’s now two games in a row on Thursday that have been quite entertaining, perhaps teasing us for an even better match-up between the Chargers and Broncos next week. Which means it’ll probably suck.

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In 1983, David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Years later, he walked through the Great Wall of China. Year after year, he dazzled audiences with his mastery of illusion, sleight of hand, and showmanship. I have watched every television special, seen him live nearly 10 times, and have learned several of his secrets over the years. David Copperfield is the reason magic has become what it is today. But sadly, when magic is at the height of its popularity in what seems to be the era of the street magician and cutting edge in your face magic, he has appeared to disappear.

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The 2014 NFL season looks more and more like a demolition derby of humanity with each passing week. In Week 6, Victor Cruz of the New York Giants was the biggest name to see his season end. He ruptured the patella tendon in his knee on a fourth-down play and that was it. The night didn’t get any easier for the New York Giants as they lost Jerrel Jernigan for the season, which put them down two wide receivers. Losing 27-0 to the Eagles on Sunday night seemed to be secondary. Things worsened for the Giants in one day but is your fantasy team dealing with injuries? Of course it is. If you haven’t had a player get hurt you’re either extremely lucky or it’s a total fluke. Either way, we’ll help you get through this difficult time of the season.

Let’s look back and see the big fantasy-relevant names who got hurt on Week 6…

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Well, hello there my lovelies! I hoped you missed me as much as I missed all of you? I am sorry that I had to miss out on bestowing Fantasy Football knowledge on you this past week, and that I was not able to get to all of your questions from Week 5. I was forced to travel to the darkest regions of the Cajun swamps of N’Orleans to visit a Voodoo Mambo, with the hopes that she could rid me of this Black Widow curse. Regardless, here we are again, all limping, gimping, hobbling, and dragging our sorry a**es into Week 7. I, for one, have embraced the Hooptie that is my fantasy football rosters and as I roll, tailpipe draggin’, into week 7, one thing is certain, the Cajun Mambo did nothing as my Black Widow Curse is still alive and kickin’. Oh, and before we roll on further, no, the title to this week’s article has nothing to do with the peeps I plan on covering. I just wanted an opportunity to toss out some more adolescent humor that I picked up this week from one of the best Fantasy Football team names I have ever seen. So, with that in mind, let’s get to it, shall we? Razzballers and Razzballettes, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 7.

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Greetings, my fine football friends. I told ya when I left that I wasn’t gone…whatever that means. To be fair, I’ve been here all season covering DraftKings content here with the Razz, if ya didn’t know. That’s the lead article on Wednesdays, IYDK part 2. If you’re wondering why I’m here and Jay’s not, well we’re all human and Jay needed a night to himself, though I heard he brought with him a bottle of scotch, some lube, and the family friendly follow up that every Rick Moranis fan has been waiting for: Honey I Blew Everybody. Hope you enjoyed your night, Jay. Now get the eff back to work! Alright, pimping done, primping starts. Namely Joe Flacco‘s eyebrows. I don’t care what he does on the field, he doesn’t get a pass for his forehead caterpillar. You got cash money, bro, clean that ish up. Now that I’ve done my job in covering what needs not be covered – Flaccbrow – let’s get down to the getting down. Flacco had a huge day…oh, who am I kidding he had a huge HALF. All five of the touchdowns he threw came in the first two quarters as the MRSAneers returned home after two hard-fought games games on the road to roll over and pretend they took ‘ludes at home. We all know every decent QB in the league – and yes, Flacco IS decent and mayhap, a gentleman – can put up big numbers against bad defenses and Tampa Bay has been just that most of the year. Flacco finished 21 of 29 with 306 passing yards, 5 TD passes and zero scheduled waxings…minus the one he gave to the Buccs…OOOOOH BURN. Overall, if you picked him up to stream this week, good on you and you might wanna hold for one more as he gets another extremely leaky defense in the Falcons next week at home. After that, you can drop him and pick up whoever else plays TB. In fact, I almost feel bad for Lovie at this point. Seriously, gonna have to change his name to Hatie Smith after this season is over. Poor schlub…either way, let’s move on. Here are some other looks back on the week 6 that was for 2014 Fantasy Football…

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