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Johnathan Franklin

Andrew Nordmeier

Sawbones Scribings Week 13 – Le’Veon Got His Bell Rung

November 29, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Injury Report | 3 Comments

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Yesterday’s games left us with two thoughts. First, how are Le’Veon Bell and Rashad Jennings going to be for next week after suffering head injuries? Secondly, where’s the Pepto? I ate waaaaaay too much and it’s not sitting well. Even the turkey basted with butter every half hour that tasted like heaven.

Both of them looked wobbly at best coming off of the field. Bell’s hit looked harder since his head hit the turf after his helmet came off.

Jennings looked wobblier than Grandma’s Jell-o mold. They both had really good days but be glad they have extra days off before their next game. Look for reports on Wednesday of next week to clarify these two running backs.

Around the rest of the league we go in a short list form. Some us have to work the day after Thanksgiving, you know.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Last Second Decisions – Fantasy Somnambulism

September 29, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Last Second Decisions | 160 Comments

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Happy Sunday, Razzball Nation!  If you’re like me, waking up for Sunday during football season is a morning filled with hope, dreams, optimism.  Then you go nuts in your head thinking, “what if the Panthers actually do win?”  Then they just shellac the Giants, and I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone.  Maybe because I am a fantasy nerd (all people who put “expert” after fantasy in the terminology are kidding themselves – NERDS!!!), I sometimes dream about sports – and typically about vastly skewed numbers.  What, T.Y. Hilton got 223 Yards and 4 TDs?!  Something like that.  So while my Panthers put up a scoreline that I literally couldn’t even subconsciously comprehend, I had a fantasy team in my dynasty league put up the lowest score I’ve ever had in 10+ years.  It was like being a few levels deep in Inception.  I may never make it out alive!  Save me, Leo!  Save me!

Here’s to a week where things balance back out to normal, Roddy White getting over a bum ankle, Ray Rice being able to gut it out, and everything else fantasy owners need to right their sinking ships.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
J-FOH

The Handcuff Report – You Down With GOB, Yeah You Know Me, Who’s Down With GOB, Every Last Homie

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Handcuff Report | 84 Comments

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As for the ladies, GOB means something gifted. The first two letters spell GO but the last one is something different, wait, what? of course it’s different….different good, the B stands for you been going Big… Ok, no more hack rappin on the Razz… Have you ever known that hot chick that was dating down for the longest time? She always says, “he will turn his life around” and “you don’t see what I see”. For the latter I hope I never see that guy naked. Well the Bengals are that hot chick and they just don’t see what we all see: That GOB – or Giovani Bernard as you know him – is a stud waiting patiently, flashing his “I’m better than the Law Firm skills” every week and trying to get exclusive with the Bengals. I don’t want you all thinking that BenJarvis Green Ellis is a dud, but he is the complementary back to Giovanni and not the other way around. I chose to highlight GOB this week for a few reasons 1) this might be the last time I write about GOB 2) I’m crushing on him like Grey on Giancarlo (must be the sexy Italian names) and owning him nowhere 3) there is no three, oh wait here it is in my back pocket, he’s a top ten back in Yahoo and not 100% owned. If he’s not owned, then grab him, if the league is too small for him to be owned then get in a bigger league or play draft kings with our 7 foot biscuit pimp. Before I get to my ranks, I just watched a commercial for fries on a burger and have noticed lately they sell burritos with fries inside at a few select fast food joints. Is it just me or does this seem borderline ridiculous? Yes, I like fries in my food, but I want to do it myself and feel special for doing it. Don’t cheap up my special things fast food empire!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
LT Murray IV

Targets and Touches: Antonio Brown Goes Liberace On Bears

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 59 Comments

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My buzz is crazy in the hood, they holler my name. If it ain’t about the writing, it’s about the stones and the wang. Greetings! Tis I, your beloved Tehol Beddict, returning yet again to give you a rundown on this past week’s targets and touches that stood out in this mind of mine that’s been referred to as beautiful, a la John Nash. I haven’t yet received my Nobel Prize but one day, with your continued support and recognition, that day will surely come. I know what you’re thinking; ” In comparing Antonio Brown to Liberace, Beddict is saying Brown went balls deep into a plethora of young men who are employed by the Chicago Bears.” Come on now people. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m simply referring to the flash and pizazz Brown displayed in making one incredible play after another against the highly rated Bears secondary. What Brown does off the field is none of my business. Brown exploded with 9 receptions for 196 yards and 2 TD’s on 13 targets. Now, we’ve all been waiting for Brown to explode like a lactose intolerant Rosie O’Donnell after a 31 flavors binge, and he rewarded his owners in an extreme manner. Brown is far and away the superior wideout on Pittsburgh and I expect him to average around 100 yards receiving for the remainder of the season. If you want to disagree with me, go ahead. Just be aware that I may go Liberace on you and I’m not talking speaking of flash and pizazz if you catch my drift. Here’s what else caught my lovely eyes this past weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

HAM Newton

September 23, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 167 Comments

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I got a lot of curious looks this week for ranking Cam Newton as my number two QB behind Peyton. Pretty sure I was the only one that ranked him that high. Via FantasyPros, his highest rank was 2 so I guess there COULD be another person just as crazy as me out there, but not moreso. The naysayers said things like ‘The Panthers have looked terrible’ and ‘Cam’s been a bum all year so far’ and ‘You can’t do that on television!’ and other nonsensical senselessness. Well, ok all things true but I’ll say this. For how ‘bad’ the Panthers have looked on offense, the Giants defense has looked like the Invisible Man out there for most of the year. Something had to give and on this Sunday, Cam went HAM on the poor Giants defense, going 15/27 for 223 passing yards, added 45 on the ground and chucked in a total of 4 TDs with one being a rushing TD. I can hear you now saying ‘Is Cam back?’ and all I can say is he’s never really left. Sorry everyone, this is the life of being a Newton owner. He has limited weapons surrounding him unless either LaFell or Ginn step up along side Steve Smith like they did today on a consistent basis. Moving forward, Cam is still Cam and Cam can still go HAM at any given time but this is one of the few times the Panthers have really utilized his wheels as much as they did today. Clearly it was effective and I’m sure Cam and his owners hope this change is here to stay. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

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murph

Razzball Writer’s League Draft Recap: The Mediocre Murphs

September 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Razzball Writers League | 17 Comments

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Much like my high school and college grades, yea I went there, Yahoo draft software graders hit me with a big fat C+, here you go, nice try, but your team is the epitome of mediocre. What the?! I spent the last three months on mock drafting for a C+? But seriously as stated by both Sky and Jaywrong these grades are about as meaningful as the weekly projected points these sites put up to assist you during the fantasy season, so not to make excuses but I’m not putting much stock in my grade. Although I did make a few critical mistakes, I think my draft went well considering the circumstances. Let me explain…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Top 100 For 2013 Fantasy Football

July 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings, Fantasy Football Rankings | 53 Comments

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Welcome and thank you for following me into July. I will be your host for the rankings show that never quits. If you’re new around here, I’ll get you up to speed. I’ve brought you a Top 10, a Top 20 and a Top 50 to date and will round out the rankings with words version of our overall rankings today while still covering the remaining position ranking needs. Wanna know where I pulled those magical hyperlinks from? Well you can either click here where I say Razzball Fantasy Football Rankings or you can be a big boy/girl and navigate up to the Menu and see where the magical word ‘Rankings’ is to start your journey. Whatever you do on this trip, though, avoid the Swamps of Sadness…ARTAX! But enough of that, I do hope you’ve liked the process of these rankings. I’m not gonna lie, the slow reveal makes me feel sexy. Though of course that has much more to do with me removing an article of clothing each time I do. Thankfully for both of us, I bundled up like I lived in The Northern Territories before I started. I’m getting down to my third thermal layer and I can’t wait to get the wool sweater underneath it off along the way…but of course you came for Rankings and not my unique fashion sense for the hot summer months and that’s what you’ll get. So here is the Top 100 for the 2013 Fantasy Football season. Pardon me while I remove my goose down jacket…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Top 40 Running Backs, 2013 Fantasy Football

June 25, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings, Fantasy Football Rankings | 21 Comments

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You know like they always say. Ain’t no party like my Nana’s tea party cuz my Nana’s tea party don’t stop. Or at least I do as a Flight Of The Conchords fan but not their actual show. Is that weird? Like saying ‘I don’t like shredded coconut but I like coconut milk and actual chunks of it’. Well I say that, too. Shizz feels like shredded paper in my mouth, can’t stand it. German chocolate cake was my nana’s favorite cake and she always had it for the b-day which is to say, I hated going to my Nana’s b-day party. Wow, I’m getting all biographical up in this business when I should be talking to you about our 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings. My bad, but now you know everything you’ve ever needed to know about me and more, right? You could even write my eulogy at this point. Sky: lover of fantasy sports, hater of shredded coconut, was all about Nana’s tea parties. I’m tearing up over here, I mean you really GET me! Now down to the brass tax you came for. If you’re wondering how to start the marvelous journey that began last week up until now with our Rankings, you can either click the link I provided you or scroll up to the menus above. You see that one that says Rankings? Click there or hover over it to see where there other individual rankings reside. Not enough ways to reach our rankings for you yet? Fine, give me your address, I will print it as a book and sell it to you for $20. Shipping charges are separate. You ok with the links now? Good, so with that let’s move along with the show as we look at the Top 40 Running Backs for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
murph

Dynasty Running Back Rankings: Carries Or Age? That Is The Question

May 22, 2013 | 2013 Dynasty Rankings, 2013 Fantasy Football | 32 Comments

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So the dead zone strikes again as I try to filter out the unimportant sports news of baseball and the NBA playoffs, don’t even ask me who’s in the playoffs as I really have no idea. I look to what little headlines in sports intrigue me. The NFL Draft seems to be a hot topic of discussion as it was announced that the draft will be pushed two weeks later which in my opinion really doesn’t make that much of a difference although people are completely losing their minds over this. What if it falls on Mothers Day? No problem, do what you always do order some prearranged flowers from a .com florist and tune into what is the best draft in sports. The way I look at it, it gives us two more weeks to dig into our already over-analysis of the future stars in what is the greatest sport, football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
murph

In The Aftermath Of The Draft: 2013 Fantasy Football Impact The Final Rounds

May 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, 2013 NFL Draft | 14 Comments

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It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of the players that go in the early rounds and forgetting about those that fall but one thing to remember: the round taken rarely correlates to a player’s success. For every Russell Wilson (75th pick by the Seahawks) there is a Jamarcus Russell (1st pick overall […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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