Tehol’s Rankings: Top-200 (Standard)| Top-200 (Half-PPR) | Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB (Standard) |  RB (PPR) | WR (Standard) |  WR (PPR) | TE (Standard) | TE (Half-PPR) | TE (PPR) 

We all vividly recall the gruesome Jimmy Graham patellar tear last season, especially, I, your thrice damned Lord. Immediately following that pathetic excuse of a football game, I returned to my safe haven, under a bridge in downtown Seattle where the Spoonman-man and myself railed pills and smoked peyote till the birds started chirping. And I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day. Even now as I type this, I have fallen to my knees, asking, no begging!, for the Elder Gods assistance in keeping Jimmy injury free in 2016 while we cruise to another Super Bowl victory, most likely in a revenge humping of the hated Patriots.

You see, my goodmen, Jimmy G is insanely underrated here; I believe the consensus has him around 15 or so and that’s just pathetic. Yes, the tight end position goes deeper than Kardashian snatch this season, but Graham has more talent in his smoothly shaved left nut than any tight end in the league other than Gronk and Jordan Reed. Graham is coming of the injury, and it’s possible he’s not ready for Week 1, but who cares!? Grab Dwayne Allen or Charles Clay and ride them like Seabiscuit until the God returns to us when we most need him. Seattle’s offense was beyond prolific to close 2016 and this is without Graham involved, so take a little guess at what happens when they incorporate Jimmy back into things? Mo’ money, Mo’ money, Mo’ money!

Anyway, I’m sick as a dog so I’m gonna drop these rankings on ya’ll right quick! I am Tehol Beddict and these are my preseason Fantasy Football Tight End Rankings! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Your favorite fantasy writer’s favorite fantasy writer (shout out to Apache Kid) is officially back from the islands and fully prepared to drop Elder God-knowledge on the chosen few of you who consistently read my posts. I’d like to begin (I guess this isn’t technically the beginning), by apologizing for my single, brief post from last week. Right as I was beginning to outline my usual Saturday post, I received a carrier pigeon from Jay the Elder, demanding that I enjoy my vacation and not submit my Start/Sit column. I’m assuming it had to do with the gutter trash I turned in on Tuesday, but still, I’m grateful nonetheless. Oh, how I’ve missed this though! I will never schedule another vay-cay during football season ever again. Not to mention, you feel like a piece of rhino dung for sitting inside watching football when you’re in Maui, but I just can’t help myself. I love this game, my goodmen, and I let you down. NEVER AGAIN!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!

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Greetings! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, here to counsel you on how to handle bullying on the message board and point out some interesting targets and touches from this past week. Let’s begin with me admitting to be being guilty of the kind of verbal abuse on message boards that would make Richie Incognito seek Jesus. Sh!t down your throat? I’ll kill you? Rich please! These types of kindergarten threats should be handled immediately by responding with extreme prejudice. No, no , no! I don’t mean racially guys, geez! I’m speaking of the military term. Let’s try our best to leave racism out of this unless it’s downing white people as I’m totally fine with that.

Speaking of white people, let’s take a quick break and talk about the Oregon Clucks for a second. What an absolute disgrace they are. I was sitting front row at their National Title loss to Auburn and since that game they have choked each and every single year. The way they were humiliated by Stanford, home of pop-tart of the century, Jonathan Martin, made me physically ill. What a disgusting display of bummery. I am appalled and I’m sure Sky is becoming a Husky fan as we speak. Pathetic.

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Greetings! Tis I, the fabulous Mr. Beddict, here to review some stats I found downright fascinating from the NFL’s opening weekend. You know me as Razzball’s resident fantasy football and now fantasy baseball champion(is it too early to say that?No), philanthropist, model, escort, and part-time stripper. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that when I’m around, women flock like the salmon of Capistrano. And if there’s another thing I know, it’s how to absolutely dominate in the field of fantasy sports. I’m not one to brag or self promote my but my legend runs deeper than the Mariana Trench. Help me help you in winning your fantasy title this season. Brotherhood of Razzball readers; I’d rather fight beside you than any other site and their millions of peasants. Let no man forget how menacing we are. We are lions! Do you know what’s there, waiting, beyond the regular season? Immortality! Take it, it’s yours!

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Does anyone remember those obnoxious “Big Johson” shirts? You know, the ones that featured classic slogans like “Close your eyes and stick it in,” “Rode em! Rammed em! Wrecked em!” and my personal favorite “Cocked, pumped, and ready to blow.” I assumed incorrectly that they halted production, and was rocked hard when I witnessed their […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?