You ever watch that move Napoleon Dynamite? Come on, you’re looking at advanced statistics for your imaginary football team — I KNOW you’ve got that movie on DVD and a “Vote for Pedro” shirt sitting non-ironically in your closet. ENYWHEY, there’s the character of Uncle Rico, who kept taking film of himself throwing a football in an effort to chuck it over a local mountain or grain field or really, just about any object that could be placed in front of him. Now, after the complete decimation that your fantasy football team received in week 2, are you thinking, nay, hoping that some team will sign Uncle Rico so he can bring his swagger and dynamite — see what I did there? — arm to your favorite team? Well, worry not! Blake Bortles has come back! Undrafted free agent Nick Mullens is taking the field! Taysom Hill is making $8 million to be the third best quarterback on the Saints and he’s completed 6 passes in his NFL career. And Kaep is still on the outside. At this point, let’s give Uncle Rico a shot. Heck, Gardner Minshew is 90% Uncle Rico DNA. Fingers crossed no more QBs get hurt in Week 3, otherwise you should be gearing up to start Dwayne Haskins in your next DFS hot taek.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you know that Rudy Gamble spent a full year at BBQ joints across the south and midwest studying to prepare the Pigskinonator? That’s dedication! Ultimately, pit bosses got wise to his tricks when he kept complaining about the “small sample size” of pulled pork he was getting. After his sojourn, Rudy returned to the nacho-cheese coated interior of Razzball Headquarters and developed the most advanced imaginary football management player performance predictor in existence: The Pigskinonator. Ultimately we had to get a restaurant permit because it turned out that Rudy really did roast a whole hog every time he ran the numbers. He said offers of roasted pork shoulder really appeased the fantasy football gods. Anywho. You should take a gander at the premium football offerings that Rudy provides because they’re legitimately the best way to think about whether you want to start Boston Scott or Nyheim Hines this week. Starting at $1 a week, you’re getting Rudy’s constantly updated weekly rankings, which account for, well, everything. If you’re into daily fantasy, check out the DFS option, which gives you an awesome lineup optimization tool that will make setting a competitive DFS lineup a breeze. On Rudy’s #1 projected lineup for the Thurs-Monday slate on DraftKings last week, I made nearly 300% return on investment. Whether it be your office league or DFS, all fantasy sports is about stacking the odds, and it’s good to have a tool in your belt that can help out in a pinch.Please, blog, may I have some more?
[put on the chillhop radio station and just let it flow]
Welcome everyone! It’s a privilege to have you here in the Year of the Bubble. No doubt you’ve been refreshing training camp vids and working on your Austin Ekeler-style abs for the past few months. Some of you have been following Razzball Football in the off-season the whole way and you have read every last word. Thank you! Some of you are coming out of fantasy football hibernation right now, and you’re looking for the best fantasy football content to help you win your (virtual) office league. Welcome back!
Without further ado, let’s kickoff our weekly look at the Top 30 Quarterbacks!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last year was the debut of the RazzBowl and it was objectively the best thing that happened in 2019. Like any good host, I took it easy on all of our industry guests (and a few lucky fans), bowing out in the first round of the year one playoffs. I’m not saying I threw the contest, but I could have won and instead I let Mike Beers of RotoViz win. Oh, that’s the exact definition of throwing it? Well, now the gloves are coming off in year two—at least until I have to go out to the grocery store. I ran out of disposable gloves week’s ago so now I’m digging into my supply of magnum condoms which I knew would eventually come in handy for something. If you missed out on this year’s RazzBowl, there’s still a couple ways to win your way into next years contest and compete against some of the biggest names in the fantasy industry. One of those ways is our NFFC Qualifier Money Leagues which has only a couple spots remaining, sign up here:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Scott Fish personally reached out to me (that didn’t happen) and begged me to participate in SFBX (also didn’t happen) to raise money for his Fantasy Cares charity, I reluctantly joined to help the kids. If you aren’t familiar with the Scott Fish Bowl, it’s the fantasy football equivalent of Burning Man. With a field of 1,440 participants, most of whom are in the fantasy football industry, some call it the greatest fantasy football competition in the universe. The Razzball camp was lit for this event: B_Don was handing out the experimental drugs, MB was twirling fire sticks, Rudy was waxing poetic about his 2020 fantasy football projections and The Boof was boofing anything and everything he could find to boof. And he found plenty to boof. All the while I sat in the corner whispering sweet dick jokes to my beloved Kerryon Johnson fathead. After making the SFB playoffs last year and then getting demolished in the first round, Kerryon and I were laser focused for this year’s draft. Without further ado, here’s the recap of my 2020 Scott Fish Bowl Draft out of the #2 slot (see the full draft board here):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Miami Nashville! I guess I need to switch from a Cuba libre over to a mint julep for this article. Let’s begin with the storied Miami Dolphins franchise. Miami rostered three quarterbacks who passed for over 20,000 yards and threw for over 120 touchdowns. You may have seen the bronze busts of the first two–Dan Marino and Bob Griese–in Canton, Ohio, at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Yet it is the third Dolphins quarterback who owns the lowest interception rate and highest career quarterback rating of the trio. Yes, that’s right, Ryan Tannehill just made you say “no way,” but in that confusing dude-bro style that means “yes, extra sriracha pickles please.” Let’s take a closer look at Ryan Tannehill, who is an ideal quarterback to target in 2020 fantasy football, whether it be redraft, dynasty, best ball, or daily fantasy.
Have you signed up for your chance at an entry into the 2020 RazzBowl yet? Remember when you tried out for your high school’s rendition of Little Women back in the day, but didn’t make the cut? Well now you have one more shot at fame and glory. So what are you waiting for!? I know, beating some idiot named Donkey Teeth in the largest fantasy football joes vs. pros best ball contest in the world may not sound all that glamorous, but Andy Behrens, Heath Cummings, Jake Ciely, Jeff Erickson, Derek Van Riper and Michael Salfino will all be competing too, along with a slew of other big names from the fantasy football world. Darik Buchar of the National Fantasy Football Championship joined us on last week’s podcast to discuss the RazzBowl format and strategy. The Boof and I also talk a little about the RazzBowl format on our wildly popular new YouTube show, Fantasy Football Malpractice (11:20 mark):
In other news, the 2020 dynasty and redraft rankings page—including positional rookie rankings, devy rankings and IDP rankings— is filling out almost as quickly as my quarantine waistline. A couple days ago I gave you my top 10 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football. Without further adieu or click-bait, here’s the top 20 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wrote my original dynasty quarterback rankings while tripping on mushrooms, which led to Kyler Murray ahead of Deshaun Watson and Tua Tagovailoa ahead of Joe Burrow. Now I’ve moved on to a delightful concoction of LSD and MDMA. Because pandemics are once in a lifetime events, make the most of it. Needless to say, I’m not backing of the drug-induced hot takes. But I did make a few tweaks to my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Quarantine Day 25:
I made a fire in the yard today while pondering my 2020 dynasty rankings. As I gazed into the flames, a series of vivid images began to appear. The Lord of Light was sending me a divine message about dynasty quarterbacks. Or maybe the mushrooms I had eaten were starting to kick in, hard to say. Either way, a life-size image of Kyler Murray arose from the blazing inferno. The meaning was clear, this dull and uneventful 20th year after 2000 will forever be know as the year of Kyler, and nothing else. Anyway, here’s my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With only one win until the holy grail, the fantasy championships, we need to focus on the task ahead: Play for next Sunday. There are a bunch of great matchups on the board this week, so let’s talk about some players we need to lock in our lineups, and those that need to stay on the bench.
Let’s get into this week’s Starts and Sits.Please, blog, may I have some more?