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You know, I don’t really hate giving the lede to the NFC South, and if you’ve been spending any time here at Razzball, you know that I find this division so very… satisfying. Not in the good way, like, wow, this NFC South man, it gives the greatest head type of way. No… but to be honest, I have felt similar sensations. It’s the satisfying “oh my god, that’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, so I’ll just laugh at it and celebrate it for being the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen” type of thing. But the fact remains, I don’t hate talking about it. So at what point does it become masochistic? I mean, we are talking about the day after fantasy football “Championship Week”, probably the most masochistic weekend in all of fantasy sports, so yeah, it’s going to be theme. So with the Saints losing to the Falcons, we now have a NFC South “Superbowl” with the Panthers visiting the Falcons to decide who gets the home playoff defeat. Yes, the Saints are as good as eliminated, but if I understand math correctly (I really don’t), if this game ends in a tie, the Falcons, Panthers, and Saints will all just trigger a nuclear reaction that will re-birth the universe. What a place that would be! In other Sunday news, it’s apparent the NFL wants a Patriots vs. Cowboys Superbowl, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Then again, I probably wasn’t ready for a 7-8-1 (or a 7-9) playoff team… so there’s that I guess…

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Jay’s updated his Week 16 Rankings for tonight’s games: the Eagles vs. Washington, and Chargers vs. 49ers. Check them out here!

It’s fantasy championship week.  I hope that you have made it to your respective fantasy finals, and that you’re in line to win major candy bars with a victory this weekend.  With the holidays next week, there won’t be a start and sit article for Week 17.  However, as the offseason approaches, there will still be plenty to read on the site, and within the coming weeks, I’ll have a way-too-early top 100 for 2015 posted on the site and numerous other strategy, draft and other articles to hold you over.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

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There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

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Odell Beckham Jr. is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

There are so many things to talk about after Week 15 is now in the books. Even the goal posts are changing! We saw the beginning of the “Johnny Football Shutout Sadness Suck Balls Gabbert F*ck Up Noun 27.3 Quarterback Rating”, the ending of the Jim Harbaugh era in San Francisco, and of course there’s the NFC South, where the Panthers (5-8-1), Saints (5-8), and Falcons (5-9) are now all within a game of each other for the division lead AND in line for a top-10 draft pick. If that isn’t a dumpster fire, then my friend, you’ve never seen a dumpster fire. The Colts, Broncos, and Patriots clinched playoff appearances, which I believe is the 987th consecutive year these three teams have done it. And then there’s, of course, the growing legend of Odell Beckham Jr.. And don’t be surprised that every Giants game from here on out will follow the formula of: Interception, derp, injury, derp, Odell Beckham does something awesome, interception, Odell Beckham does something even more awesome, derp. Oh, almost forgot. And derp. Honestly though, the Giants offense right now is basically “throw it to Beckham”, and it has to be stated, it’s the best they’ve looked in years. Imagine how great it would be if Tom Coughlin stopped hiding Eli Manning’s Capri Sun…

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It only took until Week 15 of the NFL season, but it looks like Mike Pettine actually wants to win games in Cleveland.  After suffering through 13 games with Brian Hoyer as the quarterback, Pettine made the call to start Johnny Manziel this week against Cincinnati.  Look, I’m on record as saying that Manziel is going to be a bust in the league, and I stand by that.  However, Manziel can’t be as bad as Hoyer, and he’s the spark plug this offense needs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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While it’s a bit too tempting to take time in the lede to discuss what was the “potential Super Bowl match-up” of the year between the Packers and Patriots, or even the discussing the Ravens snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against my Chargers. And heck, you could even throw in the Jaguars beating the Giants, who were in full derp mode, making Tom Coughlin even more salty and vinegary (to be taken at it’s most literal definition), but, in the end, I do find the slow collapse of the Arizona Cardinals team fascinating… While I normally don’t root for Cardinals, (that’s more St’ Louis’ and Busch’s fault. Double entendre alert!), you had to respect the fact that they found themselves 9-1 despite starting Drew Stanton, not Carson Palmer, for a majority of those games. While 9-1 and those two names don’t really make sense when used in the same sentence, a stifling defense and some luck have been two things that lesser teams have had success with (See Broncos, 2011). But ending the regular season against the Chiefs, Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers, there are legitimate scenarios where they could now miss the playoffs, and some, where the Rams could actually sneak in. This is all to say, wow, the NFC South is a dumpster fire in the truest sense of the word. You could ask for reasons why that gives context (they did just lose to the 4-7 Falcons), but I would still say NOOOOPE, I need no reasons.

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So, what a wonderful evening of football we were treated to. Not only did we get our (delayed) fill of the “ridiculously unnecessary game of the week” (AKA Thursday Night Football, aka Monday Night Football, aka any game with Tampa Bay, aka any Jets game), we also got an interesting match-up between a hard-to-peg Ravens team going against the division (tied for first) leading Saints. Tied for first with now a 4-7 record. God bless you NFC South. Obviously, the Jets went and Jeetzzed all over themselves, despite coming off a bye and going against a team that a couldn’t even practice (which is pretty much the Jetsiest thing possible) the previous week due to inclement weather. But the Ravens and Saints game was interesting in the fact that I’m not sure if the Ravens are actually good… or are they are just doing well at the right times? No clue. And it’s really hard to figure out, especially when last night’s game pitted them against  a Saints team that has about as much of a defense as a certain St. Louis county Grand Jury… anyways, I’ll tell you one thing, I didn’t go, nor did I participate as much as I should, but I’ll certainly be demanding a refund on those free Jets-Bills tickets…

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Man, I didn’t have my best week last week.  I guess it kind of evened things out from a few weeks ago when I seemingly couldn’t miss.  Oh well, even LeBron James has his off nights, right?  You know, like the game in Portland where I bought tickets as soon as possible to see the “King” play.  I’m not bitter or anything, promise.  Anyway, sorry if the advice didn’t work out last week, but remember as always, I’m not the one who hits submit on your lineup.

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Follow me, if you will, into the minds of the casual DraftKings player. Casual player sees Kyle Orton and how badly he played on Thursday Night Football. Casual player is disgusted by this. Casual player is even more disgusted by Kyle’s neck beard. Casual player is never playing Orton in any fantasy situation, ever. Well, sorry casuals but that’s how you lose: by saying never. That’s the great thing about this here game we play. It’s daily, not seasonal. You don’t have to own Kyle the entire year, you just have to own him for the right matchup and when the price is right, you’re even better off. Now I’m gonna discuss a bit of strategy. It’s a general way of processing or viewing your salaries over there on the DK. Take those salaries and divide them by 1,000. That should give you some kind of decimal point. For Kyle this week because he’s $5,400, that number would be 5.6. Now take that decimal number and multiply it by 5. For Orton, that gives you (5.6*5=) 28. Casual players don’t do this which is why casual players let a start at home against an opponent who’ve given up the most fantasy points per game to opposing QBs on the year slide by. To date, the Jets have given up 25 passing touchdowns to only 3 INT. Oh and the last time Orton faced them? He collected 4 of those TDs and zero of those INT, finishing with 26.12 DK points. Now I’m not making the promise he’ll do that again but here’s a little dirty DK secret. Those top tier QBs? Yeah, they’re priced about 9K most weeks. So for example, Aaron Rodgers is 9,900 this week. That’s nice. So for him to really reach a good value for you in a tourney, you either need (9.9*5=) 49.5 points from him – his highest point output this year is 39.6 – or you need to find values around him at much lower price tags that will go off. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s hard to do. It’s much simpler to aim for a lower priced QB with a good matchup most weeks. It’s just too hard to find that blend and be that handicapped at the skill positions most weeks to warrant such a thing. I know, I know, none of this says Orton’s any good but was Austin Davis when he threw for 375 against the Eagles? Yeah, not so much. If given the opportunity to pay down at QB, most weeks follow Nike’s mantra and just do it. All this to say, if you can’t tell, I’m strictly calling Orton a GPP only play this week. Heck, he could get pulled at halftime after the kiss of death vote of confidence on Monday. But it’s hard to imagine that happening so I’ll be rolling with him plenty. But enough about neck beards, let’s get on with this. Here are my red hot takes for the week 12 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Week 10: 8-5, Overall: 63-53-1, Locks: 6-1

Greetings! What up doe!? It is I, Beddict, returning to your warm embrace after another successful lock of the week call. Imagine how much dough I’d have if I bet my entire Razzball salary on each of my locks and kept letting it ride! Enough money to get my mom out the hood, with enough left over for a state of the art, chicken coop, for my loving Beatrice. This week, I’m going all in. Join me or sit back from afar, either laughing at my demise or throwing rose petals on the ground, I walk as the Elder God blessed grand champion of gambling ATS. Have you witnessed the ESPN dude’s record this year, or last year for that matter? Yeeesh! I’m already 0-1 this week after foolishly putting my faith in the Bills, but let’s not dwell on the past by talking about how disgraceful the Bills offense was, or even how Ryan Tannehill ended my fantasy life by missing Mike Wallace on two HUGE plays. Seriously, Tannehill is gutter trash when it comes to throwing the football deep. It sickens me to levels beyond human comprehension… but as I said, let’s not dwell on the past…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!?!? F*CKING WHY!?!?!?!?!?

Please, blog, may I have some more?