Well, here we go. What? You didn’t get enough Jackie Battle news this past week? What about Tony Fiammetta? Breaking! I just signed Terrell Owens, and all it cost me was a Subway Tuna sandwich. Yeah, I know I overpaid. But, to be fair, there wasn’t any mayo, so I had that going. But enough about me, let’s take a look at some of the key news that’s happened so far during free agency week, all through the fantasy football scope. That scope is real by the way. I’m serious. It has chrome plating and comes with a bottle-opener.

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Greetings and salutations, one and all. You’re here for the all important last rankings review of the 2013 Fantasy Football season. We went back through all the important ones so far like the Top 20 Quarterbacks, Top 20 Tight Ends, Top 20 Wide Receivers, Top 40 Wide Receivers, Top 20 Running Backs, and now that we’ve gone to the end of the road…still I can’t let go. How many guys out there wanted to be Michael McCary? Like, who needs to sing when you sound like a subwoofer when you talk? If the movie Private Parts taught me anything, it’s not the size of the speaker, it’s how close you stick the woofer to your tweeter. But yeah, enough innuendo, this is recap time. A time to reflect on the year that was in the hopes we can glean a bit about what year is to come so that we can repeat the same mistakes and sit depressed eating a gallon of ice cream while watching The Bachelor, crying…forever alone. Some of these names will be expected, some un and others ‘ummm…’ but over all there’s as much hope in this group as their was in the top 20 so keep your minds and hearts open y’all, cuz if you don’t I’m going to get a bone saw and a rib spreader to show you how, m’kay? But enough about my unorthodox version of the board game Operation, let’s have at it. Here’s the Top 40 Running Backs from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I know what you’re thinking… The last week?  The last LSD of the season?  But unfortunately, it is the last of the Last Second Decisions, as I am officially retiring from fantasy football after this season.  It’s been an absolutely incredible ride the past three years fielding the last minute questions, three years of Last Second Decisions, helping out with Team Previews, RCLs, a couple Daily Recaps, everything that makes Razzball be Razzball.  Good news is Sky is gonna keep Razzball Football the best in the biz heading into next year, while I focus everything on Razzball Basketball to bring you the hoops hardware.  Or the hoops scissors.  As in cutting down the net.  Don’t run with them!  Again, it couldn’t have been a happier ride, and if you have any Fantasy NBA teams, be sure to keep up with us on basketball through the rest of the NBA season!

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Sure, you got a few points out of him last week, but if you want to win your league championship game, you need to bench Jamaal Charles.

Oh good, you’re still reading.

Benching a player just because someone told you it’s the right thing to do is the fantasy football equivalent of jumping off a bridge because your friend told you to. If you even considered benching Charles after reading that first sentence, you need to get outside more. This is your team. As I’ve said all season, if you have a good feeling about someone, start them! Sure, Adrian Peterson is coming off an injury and has a tough matchup in Cincinnati, but are you going to bench the guy you likely drafted in the first round or traded some serious talent to acquire? Of course not! Sure, Zac Stacy has a tough game against Tampa Bay this week, but he’s done great things against tough defenses before and the Rams are handing him the rock often so there’s no way you can bench him now.

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It’s here.  Finally.  The Finale.  The big tamale.  The Carne Asiata.

The ginormous 2013 Fantasy Football Millionaire Grand Final is this weekend, where the overall winner is going to win a million bucks.  A thousand thousands.  A million… ones…  Imagine making it rain that much, Pacman!  In a futile attempt all year, I unfortunately did not win a satellite ticket into the tourney, so I’m playing in a cheapy and not in line for the million.  But hopefully you have enough to enter the contest or have won any of the several satellites to get in there.  And if a member of Razzball Nation becomes a millionaire, maybe you buy me a couple crown and cokes?  Yup, I’m gonna be “one of those” if you’re a winner!

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Razzball Nation!  I’m filling in for Sky this morning in the football recap, as Sky was called by Al Davis for a possible CB job opening.  That would be scary for multiple reasons!  Man Oakland was brutal.  Long live the Chiefs offense!  Jamaal Charles had a historic game (6th highest fantasy output in non-PPR since 1960), making the Raiders D look worse than some of those Raiders costumes.  The real Rocky Horror Picture Show was the pass D, as JC Superstar enlightened fantasy owners with 8 catches (on 8 targets) for 195 yards and 4 TDs.  Plus an extra 20 on the ground with a score there.  Straight video game numbers!  “RB screen, X, X, X!”  Actually that sounds like a porn title.  I’ll have to ask Tehol about that one.  Charles has been effing fantastic this year, and I think easily the fantasy MVP.  Sure you could argue Peyton Manning, but if you have JC and you’re somehow not waltzing through the playoffs than you only have yourself to blame!  Is he fantasy’s #1 pick next year?  I don’t see how you could resist.  If someone really wanted Adrian Peterson, I’d turn to them after that pick ala the 1,000-year old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and go “he chose poorly…”  While some teams had their dreams melt away, others are marching into the finals with the rest of the week 15 happenings…

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Ahhhh the throes of December… The playoffs are here!  Or if you’re in a 6-team playoff league, then you’re still alive!  Because I doubt you’d be reading otherwise…  The playoffs are all about the hot team at the right time.  I mean, look at the Giants for Pete sake.  Or is it Pete’s sake?  Who is Pete?  Texas Pete?

Last week I told you about my playoff strategy – it’s the same as any other week.  Award winning analysis!  But seriously, it’s fantasy football and you have your line-up and you’re leaning one way or another.  It’s just as important to win week 2 as it is to win this week.  Well maybe not really, but you’re still fielding whoever you feel best and I don’t think you tinker just based on “this guy has been better most of the year and got me here…” or any of that hoopla.  But if you do have any coin flips or any of the late season injuries plaguing the league, I’ve got some LSD for ya!

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I can’t fight it anymore. I know everyone tells you never to let others influence how you think and feel but it’s so hard to this week. I mean, I recommended the Oakland Raiders last week on defense. How stupid could I be? I’ve got to right the ship. I gotta become one with the other rankers and just give in, right? There’s no hope trying to play outside the box, all outside box playing is futile. I should just jump off the fantasy rankings bridge with everyone else…nah, I’m just joking. But I had you going for a minute, right? I’m one of the best written actors of my generation, or so I’ve been told. You should see me type Hamlet! I’ve been compared to Kenneth Branagh in that regards. In fact, I’m hoping for my first Golden Globe nomination this year once they create a category for me. I’ve already picked out my suit. I wonder if people will be able to tell I borrowed it from my dad…eh, let’s not talk about my eventual rise to fame. It bores me. Better yet, let’s talk about Pierre Thomas and his great matchup against the Rams. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised I’m one of the few this high on him. Do these other ‘perts not know the Rams are ranked near the bottom in terms of fantasy points allowed to opposing running backs? That was rhetorical. Of course they know but they’re probably too busy paying attentio to how unproductive he’s been of late. It happens but to be fair, when PT has been given a good matchup he has produced. Sure, he’s not likely to put up 200+ yards any time soon but about 120 total yards and a TD are well within reach for the PT Bruiser this week and I like his chances he grabs those reigns and rides into fantasy glory. In other areas to trumpet on, we’ve got quite a few rankings wrinkles this week. Steven Jackson? Sometimes the matchups make the man and given he’s performed well of late, it’s hard to deny him a top 10 RB finish. Same goes for Ryan Mathews who has sneakily been a top 10 play over the last 4 weeks in PPR leagues but he’s out there singing Black Eyed Peas to us. Folks, where is the love? Besides these guys, further down the road we have Mendenhall getting a mega-bump along with the Ogre and Donald Brown to wrap up my top 20 RBs and I also gave Ellington a nudge. This IS still the same Titans team that can’t stop the run, right? At wide out, I’m finally treating Dez like what he has been: good but not great. And while I’m at it, I gave Hilton and Patterson a little WR2 love bite due to matchups and explosiveabiltiy. No need to google that, it’s totally a word. At TE, I gotta say: it Ertz so good. On the DST front, Tampa Bay…woah. I know, I know, San Fran isn’t the Buffalo Bills. But Tampa Bay isn’t 0-8 Tampa Bay anymore and for very good reasons and are playing at home. Kickers? Just my niece and I playing a game of Hungry Hippos where the marbles have kicker names on them. The ones I got were in, the ones she got were out. But enough about Delta Burke winning me Josh Scobee, let’s get on with it. Here’s the rankings for week 15 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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It’s playoff time for many fantasy leagues and that means every game counts just a little bit more than it did before. For players like Adrian Peterson, a tough matchup against Baltimore doesn’t mean you should sit him, but it does mean you may want to look at your other positions and consider that boom or bust option over the guaranteed 6-8 point play.

Riley Cooper, for instance, is in a great matchup against Detroit and has all kinds of potential for a huge game (see: weeks 9 and 10). However, the past two weeks, Foles has been looking elsewhere. Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker and Wes Welker are likely safer options thanks to Manning throwing them the ball, but against Tennessee’s unbelievably consistent pass defense, their chances for a score are minimal. Therefore, when faced with that kind of decision in a playoff scenario, Cooper might just be your ticket to the final 4.

Roddy White and Harry Douglas are similar plays this week. After White’s fantastic 10 catches for 143 yards, I think it’s safe to say he’s feeling better, but Douglas is equally capable of a big week and Matt Ryan can’t throw to both of them on every down. Still, if faced with the choice between either Atlanta receiver against Green Bay or someone like Julian Edelman who has been great the past two weeks, but could start to see some extra coverage when Cleveland comes to town, White and Douglas offer higher ceilings.

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So I finally got to watching Flight last night, and I love the way it made me think of fantasy.  Mostly because most of my teams make me want to go on one of those Denzel benders.  But seriously, I loved the tie in of flight or flight.  The majority of owners with bad teams flight it away and don’t check their teams, however some of us fight it out, invert the plane and try to save our dignity.  As much as I tried to skirt past with the lies and manipulation (“my team sucks because everyone got hurt!”), I finally fessed up, got a lot of courage and purported “I drafted bad, I managed bad week one, I managed bad week two, I’m managing bad now!”  And with a little bit of good fortune and waiver wire moves, I turned a 14-teamer where I drafted in order (and this is no joke) Ray Rice, Stephen Jackson, Randall Cobb, Marques Colston, Ryan Mathews, Daryl Richardson, T.Y. Hilton (that one worked!), Kenbrell Thompkins and Michael Vick into an actual playoff contending team.  None of those guys I was particularly high on – just how the draft played out – and through a series of moves and pickups I’m 4-6 and a game out of the playoffs.  Fight!  This is a pivotal week for me and I’m sure a lot of teams in Razzball Nation as we start getting into the playoff push crunch time.

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