NFC East Wars: The Derp Awakens

Everyone have their Philadelphia-patented projectiles ready? Good. Let’s go. Let me just establish right off the bat, I did this. I’m the one who asked for derp. And the derp Gods did not disappoint in the slightest. In fact, the only competent thing about last night’s game was the premier of the newest Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer, (which you can watch after the jump if you missed it, I’ve already watching it like 98 times… in the past hour). To make an apt Grudenism: “THIS GAME, I CALL IT “EPISODE I”, BECAUSE WE’RE HERE FOR STAR WARS, BUT WE’RE SEEING A SH*T-SHOW INSTEAD.” Honestly, if you watched this game, you wonder if Tom Coughlin might be the one to retire before either Manning. And I include Eli, because it might have been a possibility during half time. There were three fumbles, three interceptions, penalties galore, an injured middle-linebacker… and that was just the Eagles! So here’s a very technical football question for everyone: how did they win? Remember, we’re talking about the hurry up three-and-out offense that the Raiders perfected, and that Chip Kelly added his own uniqueness to this season, that was in full force last night… It’s almost as if the teams were playing each other knowing that the winner would win an all expense paid trip to Somalia. So here we are. The Giants beat Washington. Washington beat the Eagles. And the Eagles have now beaten the Giants. The circle of… derp? Yeah, I think so.

Note: I’d like to congratulate the winner of the FanDuel Razzball Contest that ended last night. “ksmily06” was the winner of our 55-player league, and comes away with $60.00 and a free buy-in the upcoming week’s million dollar contest (a $25.00 value)! All top-12 finishers ended up part of the prize pool, and don’t worry, if you missed out on this contest, you can join in the next contest starting this Thursday!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can Romonobyl Happen if Romo Isn’t in the Game?

by: Jay

In what was a interesting-because-it-was-close-but-sorta-kinda-boring-anyways Sunday Night Football game, Dallas once again proved that they are two different teams depending on which half it is. It’s almost as if they are preserving the long-held tradition of Romonobyl. An homage, if you will. While the Saints are hanging on to dear life and Brees’ busted shoulder with an 1-3 record, they’d be hard pressed to catch up with the surging Falcons and Panthers as the season progresses. I’m actually still bewildered by the fact that NFC South teams are actually capable of surging. That being said, the Cowboys find themselves in the untenable position of having everything needed to dominate a weak NFC East, but having those things injured for more than half the season (including Lance Dunbar tearing his ACL last night). The Giants were gifted a win against Buffalo, who had 17 penalties, and the Eagles were beaten unresoundingly by Washington. These teams are not good at all, and hilariously any one of them can take the division. But like the Cowboys, none of them seem to want it. Almost like some kind of derpy game of hot potato. Now that I think about it, this is actually peak NFC East. Carry on…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 4:

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Who Are These Guys, Week 17: Murray Christmas

December 24, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell |

by: malamoney

T.Y. Hilton did not play on Sunday due to hamstring injury. LeGarrette Blount sat out with a bum shoulder. And in San Diego, Ryan Mathews was inactive for the second straight week with a sore vagina. Oh wait, that was last month… it was an ankle this time. It’s hard to keep track with him anymore. Besides, who cares about the Chargers? Just kidding Jay! I mean with Matt Kemp, Justin Upton and Wil Myers joining the Padres, aren’t they the team to root for now in San Diego? That outfield sounds like the ghosts of fantasy baseball outfield MVPs of the past, present and future!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is Nacho Division Anymore

December 21, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 71 Comments

by: Jay

Well, I think it’s official. From this point forward, all Thursday Night Football should be played only on Saturdays. In what could arguably be called two of the best prime time games of the season, Washington, powered by the vengeance of DeSean Jackson and Mark Sanchez’s mediocrity, was able to deal a striking blow to the Eagles playoff hopes. (While I wouldn’t be surprised at the Cowboys losing two in a row during December, nye, one could almost expect it, the odds are still not with them.) And in Santa Clara, the 49ers looked like the three-time AFC Championship game team we all knew and loved before this season… for about two quarters. Unfortunately for them, the last two quarters, they looked like something you’d normally find due east of San Francisco. Oakland, for all of you unfamiliar with California geography. And with that, the Chargers came back, 21 points down at the half, to win in overtime and keep their playoff hopes alive. So when it comes down to it, Thursday Night Football, Saturday Edition, on the NFL Network, CBS Edition (not acronymed enough to be honest) ended up being two close back-and-forth games, with one ending up in overtime, and plenty of entertainment value (touchdowns) to boot. I’d call that a successful night of football. This is it, all is lost. The world is ending…

Week 16 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’ve Reached Peak NFC South

December 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 58 Comments

by: Jay

If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Romo Breaking Off a Little Preview of December

November 28, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 32 Comments

by: Jay

As Grey pointed out yesterday, I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, mostly because I cook, drink, and football the sh*t out of it. And, of course, it’s a day of thanks, so what better thing is there to do than to thank you, the Razzball community? Well, now that I think of it, I should probably thank your mom for that one thing at that one position that happened multiple times… But seriously, the truth is, I’ve been lucky to be given the opportunity to entertain, help, and interact with all you, and I love it. And all I have to do is fart and d*ck jokes all day long. That being said, after enjoying my extravaganza of a feast (I’d be happy to share my recipes in the comments if you’re interested), I will admit… I may have napped too long. When I woke up and saw the ending of the Eagles-Dallas game, I thought I slept right into December. In fact, Romo actually saw his shadow yesterday, confirming that Romocember has arrived early. There was also a Bears-Lions game that was captivating for about a quarter and then there was a Seahawks-49ers match-up featuring Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll. And I’ll admit, I hadn’t seen an interaction between two assholes like that since I watched Requiem for a Dream…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Patriots the Best Team? Or the Bestest Team?

November 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 67 Comments

by: Jay

I mean, you do have the Arizona Cardinals with the best record in the NFL. The Miami Dolphins suddenly look like they can be competent for certain stretches of time. One of those times including a game against my Chargers. Both the Colts and Eagles (depending on Nick Foles’ status) seem competent enough to being contenders. Even the Steelers have figured a few things out behind Ben Roethlisberger treating the last two games like he met them in a dive bar bathroom. But I think it’s fair to say that the Broncos and Patriots, fulfilling a narrative wet dream on a continual basis, had to have been considered the two best teams. At least until the Patriots destroyed the Broncos yesterday afternoon. While I’m a constant palm-facer when it comes to Peyton Manning’s “cold-weather” narrative, it seems that his “can’t beat the Patriots” narrative may have something to it. Also, there are way too many narratives. Please no more narratives. That being said, despite having their own problems early in the season, the Patriots have seemingly maintained their status as one of the top teams in the NFL, if not the top team. Now that you’ve figured that part out, for the love of god, can you give the ball to Shane Vereen more? Is that too much to ask?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The “Brandon Marshall: Motivational Speaker” Experiment has Ended

October 27, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 65 Comments

by: Jay

In what was an embarrassing display of defense, especially for the Bears, or even the Buccaneers, the Patriots took advantage of the brand new and radical “Cover No one” formation, laying down a 51-spot on the scoreboard. Gronk smash is correct. Much had been publicized on Brandon Marshall’s “motivational speaking” tour after a Miami loss last week, “motivating” everyone from Jay Cutler to Robbie Gould.

‘We’ve got Alshon Jeffery, Martellus Bennett, Matt Forte. We’ve got a stud offensive line. We’ve got a great, great group of guys. And this is unacceptable. What did we put up, 14 points? Was it 14 points? That’s unacceptable.”

You see something missing there? People, who, perhaps are in charge of preventing another team from outscoring yours? Pray tell… So, we’ll probably get another week of Marc Trestman blaming (somewhat warranted), Brandon Marshall yelling (probably shouldn’t call it motivating anymore) and Jay Cutler outrage (because he gave up 51 points all by his lonesome). Unless, of course, the media will focus more on fact that the Patriots are now 6-2, in first place, and look every bit as dangerous as they used to. Sigh, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, isn’t it? Oh God damn it Bears, did you really have to let that happen?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Target Practice, Week 6: Receiving Is Believing

October 10, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 31 Comments

by: malamoney

Without targets, there would be no receptions. Being targeted is the first, and most crucial factor, to the success of a pass catcher. If the ball isn’t thrown in your direction, you cannot succeed. I decided to take a look at how targets were being spread around among each team and then how each player was converting those targets. Below are the results and I’ve included a link to the Excel spreadsheet (Download) containing the full report. This exercise will only be “targeting” wide receivers and tight ends.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit it or Quit it, Week 5: You’re My Boy, Blue… You’re My Boy!

September 30, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 28 Comments

by: Jennifer

Well, well, well, here we are again, my lovelies, creeping up on Week 5 of the 2014 NFL season. Did I say “creeping”? I meant hobbling, limping, gimping, crawling, and generally just dragging our sad, broken and battered remnants of the rosters we once drafted through another week. Heading into Week 5, my Black Widow Curse is still in full swing, and there continues to be plenty of man souls for me to feast upon, or to adorn in my glass trophy case. One of these days I will learn to pick off your rosters, instead of my own, but hey, curses aren’t an exact science, and as I said before, a girl’s gotta eat. Hell, even the stalker in the bushes outside of my house has started to abide by the fifty yards stipulated in the restraining order, for fear that the curse will hit him and he’ll blow out a knee or tear a hammy. [Jay’s Note: Baby steps J-FOH… baby steps.]

If you are in the same position as I am, and many of you are, judging by the comments you left on my last week’s article, we are now rostering many waiver wire players to fill in the gaps. Heck, even Keanu Reeves would be impressed with The Replacements we have going on. But, much like that bomb of a movie, our rosters are also bombing, as we are forced to start the best of the worst. So, I am here again to drop some fantasy football advice, give you a chance to fill in those gaps, break up with some of those rostered deadbeats who aren’t pulling their weight, and hopefully, just maybe, escape my Black Widow Curse for one week. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 5.

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Start ’em and Sit ’em, Week 2: Fire up Philly in Farmland

September 13, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 89 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

Thank god I don’t do these posts till Saturday, because you wouldn’t have liked my advice had I included Thursday night’s players into my start/sits. Everyone knows that Thursday Night Football is a curse for fantasy players. Even Peyton Manning has fallen victim to it. In the final TNF game of the 2013 season, Manning had arguably his worst performance of the year, completing just 65.8 percent of his passes for 289 yards in the Broncos’ embarrassing 27-20 home loss to the Chargers. Maybe it’s the short week coupled by the night game, or the fact that it’s on national television. Who knows. But it doesn’t bode well for good statistics.

I had Ben Roethlisberger and Torrey Smith pretty high up in my Week 2 rankings, but that was just stubborn of me. You can’t get much worse than the nine fantasy points Big Ben put up, Owen Daniels vulturing Dennis Pitta every step of the way, or the one catch for 10 yards Torrey had — especially after Joe Flacco had said earlier in the day that he expects his top receiver to catch 100 balls this year.

Sunday should offer many more offensive fireworks than Thursday night’s dreadful affair. There are plenty of matchups to exploit, including the Saints vs. Browns, Patriots vs. Vikings, Chiefs vs. Broncos, Jaguars vs. Washington Football Team, and Cowboys vs. Titans. But none should be more exciting (and fantasy-team boosting) than the Eagles/Colts game. The high-flying Eagles (pun intended) travel to Indy to take on the 900 horsepower Colts (pun also intended). You’re always gonna start Andrew Luck, Nick Foles and LeSean McCoy, but their supporting casts deserve a lot of attention this week and are all nearly must starts in most fantasy formats. Fringe fantasy starters like Darren Sproles, Riley Cooper, Ahmad Bradshaw, and Dwayne Allen are near automatic starts this week, and even Colts’ tight end Coby Fleener is worthy of consideration in deeper leagues. The only guys I’d be hesitant to recommend are Hakeem Nicks and Trent Richardson, who have proven to be too untrustworthy. Not only will this game have a large effect on the outcome of your fantasy matchups, but we get to wait till Monday night to have it all play out. Now, that, my friends, is what fantasy football is all about!

Please feel free to post your start/sit questions below. Until then, here are the rest of my starts and sits for Week 2…

(All recommendations are based on PPR formatted leagues)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Waiver Wired, Week One: Carson Palmer and the Preseason Pickups

September 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 73 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

As we open the season, all of our NFL teams have the same goal— to play in Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, Arizona on February 1. Our fantasy teams have the same goal— to play in our respective league’s Super Bowl whatever week (usually 16) that it falls on. For some of you, getting there will be difficult if not impossible. Others will find the road to be easy, and cruise through the season. For me, I fall in the latter when it comes to getting to the Super Bowl. That’s mainly because I live about 40 minutes north of University of Phoenix Stadium. Getting to the Super Bowl is easy for me, even if traffic sucks.

That’s what I’m here for. To help you navigate the journey from your starting point to your league’s Super Bowl. We’ll help you avoid the roadblocks of poor play, the detours of bye weeks, and the potholes of injuries. That said, let’s turn the key on the season and start giving some recommendations for players who can be picked up now to help you out in the long term.

Please, blog, may I have some more?