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One of my favorite movie theater experiences came during my freshman year in college at my local art house cinema. I had never seen a David Lynch film before but heard good things about him. All I really knew is he made Twin Peaks, a tv show with the most nightmare inducing theme song. In hindsight, maybe Mulholland Dr. was not the best foray into his catalog. While it is now one of my favorite films, I left the theater confused and doubting my own intelligence. I went back the next night and it started to become clearer. It was the first movie where the audience stayed around after and discussed “what it all meant.” Sometimes NFL weeks can feel a mess and make absolutely no sense. They hit you like a ton of bricks and require more than the usual analysis. This past week felt like one of those weeks, but through the madness and riddles, a few bright lights shone through all the way to the waiver wire.

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I promise I am not going to lead every waiver wire article in with a Jurassic Park reference, although there is enough material to do so. We had a lot of John Hammond’s in the fantasy football universe last week “sparing no expense” when it came to San Francisco running back Elijah Mitchell. Bids of a full 100% of FAAB (free agent acquisition budget) were not just uncommon, they were the standard. Not since Woody Harrelson took one million dollars from Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal has a monetary for goods exchange left someone feeling so cheated. Well, it wasn’t so terrible, 7.3 PPR fantasy points isn’t atrocious. Mitchell seems to have held onto the job with the entire backfield in San Francisco, and possibly the training staff too, getting injured on Sunday. Let’s hope it works out for those who did end up spending a lot. Just remember, this isn’t Brewster’s Millions. You don’t need to spend every penny of your FAAB right away to risk losing it all. Spend up when you need a player and make competitive bids when you want a player. There is nothing worse than needing to put IOUs in a Samsonite briefcase to salvage your season, possibly leaving you feeling a bit Dumb and Dumber.

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Ah, well. That was a rough week one. Some amazing games, spectacular moments, and lots of injuries. It’s always a bit of shell-shock from the offseason to week one, seeing all the guys you’ve salivated over (no innuendo intended) suddenly go down with an injury, erasing all the precious production you were waiting for. But this is football after all and injuries will happen. Profound right? Maybe not but whatever, you just want to know who’s gonna post those precious stats on the board, huh? You goddamned sicko? These are human beings! You just want that sweet, sweet fantasy advice, huh dirtbag?  Well, here it is!

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth discuss the happenings from week 1. We discuss the fallout from the Ryan Fitzpatrick injury for all of the WFT weapons. Does it help anyone potentially or is just an all around loss? Podcast favorite Jerry Jeudy is going to miss some time as well, and we talk about who our priority is among Tim Patrick and K.J. Hamler. The 49ers RB situation was already a mess and with the season ending Raheem Mostert injury, how do the guys think the backfield plays out for the rest of the season? The guys take a look at some of the pickups for the week and where we would have our priorities. 

We then move on to talk about some of the surprises from week 1. Austin Ekeler with 0 receptions and the shocking healthy scratches for Trey Sermon and Zack Moss. Speaking of complicated RB situations, the guys look at how they expect the Ravens backfield to play out. We then discuss some of the studs and duds from week 1 and whether we’re moving them around in our rest of season rankings. We finish the show with everyone’s favorite, A**hole of the week!

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Welcome to the very first Wright On Waivers. I will be taking over this column for the season and look forward to helping you navigate your way around the waiver wire with player suggestions to help both long and short-term needs. Your previous guide was indeed a great sherpa and wanted me to send along his best. If you have read any of my previous articles, you are aware I typically launch into these drawn-out movie tirades full of terrible analogies. I can assure you I will be focusing solely on your fantasy team this year and avoiding the proverbial opening twenty-one minutes and fifteen seconds of my favorite childhood film, Jurassic Park. Are those first twenty-one minutes important to the story? Yes. Yes, they are, but we really just want to see some dinosaurs. So, let us get to the dinosaurs.

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The horror…the horror…

Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz recites these words before his death in Apocalypse Now, which many historians consider to be one of the more accurate depictions of the Vietnam War. Football is a simulacrum of war, of the battlefield and of attrition. For every victory, there’s a loss. Healthy finishes are balanced by tough injuries. For every career started, there’s a career on the fritz. And it all plays out on our TV and is discussed on social media. Were you a bit embarrassed the last time you stubbed your toe, or slipped on some ice and fell, or biffed it at the gym? Now we’ve got the 8K 120 FPS hyper-zoom of injuries to the likes of Jerry Jeudy. We’ve got Aaron Rodgers crashing in real-time, his State Farm commercials reminding us of what could be if Rodgers went and hosted Jeopardy or did insurance commercials full time like Peyton Manning. It’s OK to lose the love of the game. It’s OK to admit your mortality. It’s not OK to look at Jordan Love and blame him for your downfall. For every commander that wins a battle, there’s another commander that loses. And what we’re left with is a story of the winners — but nobody’s perfect. 

Let’s get everybody caught up on the stats and slates that made the news for Week 1 of the fantasy football season. As we go through, I’m going to focus more on players that you might want to add — you don’t really need me to recap Patrick Mahomes, do you? (If you do, please tell me)

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Well, my precious goblins and ghouls, the football season is finally upon us. And naturally, with that, I have the grave responsibility to inform you fine specimens of the injuries that can and will impact your Week 1 fantasy rosters. 

Such is life. 

Let’s jump in and see who might be available on your waiver or can receive a bump in production from the gaps left by these poor, hurt souls. 

Shall we? 

The first injury to look at is… *checks notes* Oh the entire Ravens backfield. That’s not good! In just a few days the Ravens have lost their breakout star J.K. Dobbins, Justice Hill, and the most recently Gus Edwards to terrible season-ending injuries. In response, the team has signed Latavius Murray along with Le’Veon Bell and Devonta Freeman to their practice squad presumably to try to keep Lamar from having to rush approximately 10,000,000 yards per game. As of now, it looks like the Ravens are going to start the last running back left standing before the leg injury bloodbath, Ty’Son Williams, who might just have an opportunity against an uncertain Raiders pass rush under new defensive coordinator Gus Bradley and a reshaped defense. Look for Latavius Murray and Ty’Son Williams as a possible pick-up in leagues you might have had one of the injured fellows in and if you are feeling very adventurous maybe take a look at Le’Veon Bell or Devonta Freeman for a possible bounce-back campaign. I’m still not betting on that though, sorry Blair

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What is up everybody! Got your seatbelts fastened? Masks on? Wallet emptied? Let’s head out on this fantasy football journey together! 

This fantasy football season, I’ll be priming the pump for your fantasy football week and then doing game recaps of the Sunday and Monday night games. Feel free to drop any questions you’ve got below, and catch either me or DT on Sunday mornings to get your lineups in order. On with the good words! 

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Ah, yes. We’re almost there folks.

Homestretch! 

In these final days before the beginning of regular season football, let’s take inventory and hear those glorious hot takes that we thrive on in these waning days of the offseason. And who better to direct your vitriol at than the ragamuffins here at Razzball while we walk through their boldest, most hot-blooded predictions for the coming season.  

Let’s hear from 13 of your favorite very handsome fantasy writers, shall we? 

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One of the greatest cinematic moments of my life occurred in a virtually empty movie theater on a Saturday morning, September 23, 2000. We all have these moments in our lives where we sort of wish we could look back and maybe watch ourselves for just a moment. I would give a nice sum of money to be able to go back and watch The Joey Wright see Almost Famous for the first time. Almost twenty-one years later to the date it, unapologetically, remains my favorite film. The one thing standing out upon my first viewing was our introduction to one Miss Penny Lane. A young magazine reporter is standing at the artist entrance to an arena, hoping to land an interview with Black Sabbath. He gets into a conversation with a rather fun looking young lady when he starts to insinuate, she may just be a groupie and then it happens. Floating onto the screen almost like a ghost, we first lay our eyes upon Penny Lane, portrayed by Kate Hudson.

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One of the things I value most whether it be in film, music, or literature, is originality. When you get a hold of something with a truly fresh concept, it is mind-blowing. I remember the first time I saw Robert Downey Sr.’s Putney Swope. I had never seen humor and satire done in such a confrontational and blunt manner. I was used to the kind of satire found in the early works of Mel Brooks and Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. Incredible works on their own, but Putney Swope was truly another level for me. If you’ve never seen the film, it tells the story of the only minority executive member of an advertising firm, who is accidentally put in charge after the sudden death of the chairman of the board. Restricted by the company by-laws from voting for themselves, members voted by secret ballot for the one person they thought would never win: Putney Swope. It is hilarious, raw, and confronts the race issues of the late ’60s as I had never seen before. Originality is paramount when it comes to me consuming my content. That being said, today I am to talk about sleepers for this 2021 season.

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You know why you’re here. You’re either ready to have your delusions validated by the equally delusional or to become uncontrollably mad when your predictions are contradicted (how could that jackass say that about Taysom Hill?!).

You’re probably already a pretty savvy fantasy mind if you’ve meandered your way over here to the “MENSA of Fantasy Content”, RazzBall Incorporated. You’re no spring chicken, I’m sure and you probably have your own, unique homer-isms and biases when you sit down to draft. Unless you are a complete stat-junkie in hyper-competitive, ultra-high stakes fantasy competitions the odds are emotions play a role in your strategy.

They certainly do for me, I make no apologies for occasionally being an emotional idiot sports fan fantasy player and there are gut feelings that just pan out. Sometimes they can win you leagues and occasionally they tell you to draft Sixto Sanchez 1st overall in RazzSlam and end up on the fantasy baseball version of the no-fly list (meaning, I am now legally no longer an overweight white man with a beard). 

All that being said, some of these predictions are reasonable, backed up by stats, and truly plausible… and some might end me with me being “totally dunked on”, “owned”, “fired from writing your stupid articles, Skorish, for christ sakes these suck!”, etc., etc. 

These 4 bold predictions are going to be somewhat ordered from most likely to most ridiculous. 

So let’s get to it!

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