Last year was the debut of the RazzBowl and it was objectively the best thing that happened in 2019. Like any good host, I took it easy on all of our industry guests (and a few lucky fans), bowing out in the first round of the year one playoffs. I’m not saying I threw the contest, but I could have won and instead I let Mike Beers of RotoViz win. Oh, that’s the exact definition of throwing it? Well, now the gloves are coming off in year two—at least until I have to go out to the grocery store. I ran out of disposable gloves week’s ago so now I’m digging into my supply of magnum condoms which I knew would eventually come in handy for something.  If you missed out on this year’s RazzBowl, there’s still a couple ways to win your way into next years contest and compete against some of the biggest names in the fantasy industry. One of those ways is our NFFC Qualifier Money Leagues which has only a couple spots remaining, sign up here:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Since time immemorial tight ends have perplexed the world. We all know you want an end that’s tight, but how tight is too tight? The great Albert Einstein tackled this enigma with his theory of relativity, where he concluded Darren Waller epitomizes the perfect balance of tightness and plumpness in the end department. And who is Donkey Teeth to argue with genius Einstein? Waller’s an adonis of a man, and well endowed too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The doctors (Donkey Teeth and The Boof) reconvene for another week of malpractice and prognostication, this time joined by Razzball’s own B_Don! The underscores were flowing and the fantasy football talking was glowing. Sorry for that rhyme, promise I won’t rhyme anymore.

In the news segment we dove into the Deebo Samuel Jones fracture news and what it means for his fantasy outlook, plus a discussion on Mecole Hardman’s potential snap increase. Later in the soon to be Academy Award nominated feature film, we talk SFBX (Scott Fish Bowl 10) scoring intricacies, draft strategy and mock draft review, including how to value tight ends like Travis Kelce and Zach Ertz, and why Drew Brees is a secret weapon in these leagues. Tune in now to see YouTube’s #1 fake donkey doctor and #2 Boof!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Maybe you follow me on Twitter and listen to the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast hosted by Donkey Teeth and myself. If that’s the case, you may have seen or heard these numbers. However, if following me on Twitter and listening to a podcast is too much, here are some fun numbers to look at for the upcoming season and dynasty purposes. 

Old TEs

Dynasty startups are under way. If you’re thinking about taking an older TE or WR early in the draft, this might give you a better understanding of what you’re signing up for with that pick. 

At TE, since the merger, there have been 3 players that have 1000+ yard seasons after the at the age of 31 or older. The list is Tony Gonzalez, Delanie Walker, and Greg Olsen. If we move that to the age of 32, it’s a small list. ONE. One TE (Tony Gonzalez) has more than 1000 yards at the age of 32, and no TE older than 32 has ever reached that mark.

Certainly the TE position is more of a receiving threat in the modern approach, but age has not been kind at the position. Maybe it’s due to the physical nature? Or just natural aging? But Father Time doesn’t get cheated very often. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday started like any other Saturday in this current timeline. I woke up and had my morning coffee and started meal planning for the weekend. What more is there really to think about right now other than eating and watching TV? It’s getting warmer out, so why not fire up the smoker? Ribs it is. I ran off to the grocery store after a proper hand cleaning and got my materials and fired up the smoker. If you have smoked ribs before, you probably know that the go to method is 3-2-1. Three hours unwrapped, two hours wrapped with liquid, and one hour wrapped with sauce. Bang, fall-off-the-bone goodness. 

So I have three hours to kill until I need to worry about the ribs, so some Twitter entertainment is in order. And…. President Trump is tweeting about a Lamar Jackson draft pick video. Am I in some covid fever dream? I know that Trump tried to buy the Buffalo Bills some years ago but I didn’t think he was still a casual enough observer to know of Lamar Jackson’s greatness. I thought that the extent of his football attention was being mad at the kneelers. Anyways, jokes are tweeted and I am entertained.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Quarantine Day 27:

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. Did you see the story about the tiger at the Bronx Zoo that tested positive for coronavirus? Very sad. I blame Carole Baskin. Not just for the infection of this poor feline, but for the entire COVID debacle. Speaking of which, the CDC just released some new guidelines and in order to receive a COVID-19 test in the United States you must now meet at least one of these requirements:

     a) Politician

     b) Professional athlete (Major League Soccer doesn’t count)

     c) Movie star (Porn does count)

     d) Valued tiger at the zoo

And if you check all four boxes the CDC even throws in a free roll of TP. So far only one man has cashed in on that free roll of one-ply: my preferred 2020 presidential candidate, Darren Waller. Anyway, here’s my top 15 dynasty tight ends for 2020 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Every season in the NFL is full of evolution. You’ve heard a million times that the NFL is a copy cat league and teams lower in the standings try to emulate whatever the stand out teams did in the previous season. No matter what the hot trend is, the tight end position will not die in fantasy football. Each season the position lacks depth which makes hitting your pick in the draft pretty important. 

That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend an early draft pick on a tight end though. Through spending some time and doing the proper research you can find the later round guys that have a good chance of popping. If you read Razzball in your 2019 prep, you probably ended up with Darren Waller on a lot of your fantasy teams. Let’s take a look at a few categories to break down the tight end position from the 2019 season as we look ahead to 2020. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week I went over the top 25 for 2020 dynasty football. I’m still reeling from the harassment my Kerryon Johnson ranking provoked, yet the show must go on. But first, to answer a few questions from the audience regarding my top 25: Yes, I am an idiot; No, Joe Mixon did not kick my puppy; Yes, Kerryon Johnson is my cousin; And no, I’m not involved in a sexual relationship with my cousin, Kerryon Johnson. Anyway, today I’ll take a break from the intensive Peyronie’s Disease treatment I’m now receiving and go over the top 50 for 2020 dynasty football PPR leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?