Quarantine Day 27:

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. Did you see the story about the tiger at the Bronx Zoo that tested positive for coronavirus? Very sad. I blame Carole Baskin. Not just for the infection of this poor feline, but for the entire COVID debacle. Speaking of which, the CDC just released some new guidelines and in order to receive a COVID-19 test in the United States you must now meet at least one of these requirements:

     a) Politician

     b) Professional athlete (Major League Soccer doesn’t count)

     c) Movie star (Porn does count)

     d) Valued tiger at the zoo

And if you check all four boxes the CDC even throws in a free roll of TP. So far only one man has cashed in on that free roll of one-ply: my preferred 2020 presidential candidate, Darren Waller. Anyway, here’s my top 15 dynasty tight ends for 2020 fantasy football:

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Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

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I know the climb has been brutal for you, as it has for us all. This past Sunday my eyes froze over as I watched many of my teams drop under .500 for the first time. As I write this, I am enduring Jason Witten hand me a loss one excruciating 3 yard catch after another. This section of the season is the darkest grind when the post-draft excitement has long worn off but the playoffs are still far away. Injuries and bye massacres come for us all, but it’s how we respond that defines us.

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A clash between defenses surrendering the 2nd (TB) and 6th (SEA) most receiving yards per game carries the highest point total for week 9.

Per NFL’s Next Gen Stats, Jameis Winston ranks #1 in average completed air yards and #1 in average intended air yards. Winston and Head Coach Bruce Arians offense likes to push the ball down field. Tied for 3rd in the NFL in completed passes over 40 yards, Jameis gets his shot against a Seahawks defense that ranks tied-for-10th in most completed passes allowed over 20+ yards. Despite his league leading 12 interceptions, Jameis Winston is a viable starter in all formats. Jameis is Rudy’s projected QB6 in week 10.

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As we get deeper into the season, more and more players are landing on their team’s injury report. However, with more and more teams also having their bye weeks, players are getting extra time to recover.

A bunch of wideouts have landed on the injury report this week, and even more are on the mend, trending towards playing in the coming weeks.

Let’s talk about some of the players who landed on the injury report this week.

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I had a feeling about the Rams last night. I thought that after a disappointing performance against Tampa, they’d take it to a divisional opponent. After all, Seattle hasn’t been nearly as dominant at home as they used to be. Seattle has a bad secondary, so I figured Goff would be able to throw all over them. It took a while, but he eventually did. The problem was the Rams defense is probably pretty bad. We’ve seen it over the past 5 days how much of a problem that the secondary is. Aaron Donald can’t do everything.

Many of you know that I like to dabble in gambling (legally now!) and instead of taking the 1.5 that Seattle was giving the Rams, I took the Rams to win outright and grab a few extra bucks in the process. As we now know, that was a horrible mistake and likely one that I won’t make again in the near future. I still can’t believe that Greg Zuerlein missed the game winning kick in the first place. He’s usually money in the bank. But instead I am heartbroken, and the only way to make myself feel better is to analyze statistics for you to keep in mind for your fantasy teams. Let’s go!

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Chris Godwin could only watch hopelessly last week as Mike Evans gave Jameis Winston some of his family’s secret man meat and then went on to catch 3 touchdowns. After the game, having seen the way to Winston’s heart, Godwin immediately went to work on a wurst recipe of his own. We’ll never know exactly how it went down when Godwin presented his juicy wiener to Jameis in the locker room early Monday morning. What we do know is, Chris Godwin reclaimed his position atop Winston’s best friends list receiving 14 targets against the Rams which he turned into 12 catches for 172 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. What will Mike Evans (4 catches for 89 yards and his 4th touchdown) put in his quarterbacks’ mouth next week to regain the favor of Jameis Winston (28/41 for 385 yards and 4 touchdowns)? Stay tuned! Anyway, MB covered yesterday’s early games but here’s what else I saw in the late games for fantasy football:

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Tragic news this week folks. No, I’m not talking about the Saquon Barkley injury. Days of Antonio Brown’s Life has been cancelled until further notice. Rumor has it AB let one rip right in the producers face and then grabbed the director’s dong before punting his helmet into the stands. I can neither confirm nor deny these rumors, but what I can confirm is that Days of Antonio Brown’s Life if on hiatus, maybe permanently. Let’s cross our fingers for Lifetime to swoop in and pick the show up but don’t hold your breath. On second thought, maybe you should hold your breath if Antonio Brown is anywhere in the vicinity!

RazzBowl on the other hand is far from cancelled. We finally have a little shake up at the top of the standings with Danny Kelly of The Ringer giving up the top spot after dominating weeks one and two. Our new leader is Michael Stepney of The Fantasy Authority, on the heels of massive weeks from Alvin Kamara, Phillip Lindsay, Dalvin Cook, Amari Cooper and Marvin Jones. A meager 24 points separate the top 5 teams with ya boy Donkey Teeth biding his time back in 67th place—out of 180.

Please, blog, may I have some more?