Ugh, do I have to, Fantasy Gods? Why must you torture me so? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? You touch yourself inappropriately when you think no one is watching. Ummm, Fantasy Gods care about that? You’re ruling over a bunch of nerds, what else are we supposed to do? ‘Check out my fantasy team’ isn’t exactly something you post on Tinder. Neverthewho! Eli Manning. Ugh…I mean, he plays football so there’s that. Just doesn’t play it well most weeks…so there’s that too. Then again, he’s coming off a bye and should hopefully be ready and prepared to take on a secondary that got completely wrecked both on the scoreboard and in terms of injuries on week 8…but of course Rashad Jennings might not be back this week and it’s clear the Giants need him…ooph, this is tough. Eli is gonna throw for 350 and 4 TDs or he’s gonna end with 175, 2 picks and give you Manning face. There’s really no in between with this guy so for me he’s going to be a GPP only go and even at that, only do it if everyone and their mother says ‘I won’t play Eli this week’ for the contrarian goodness. Wow, what an inspiring opening! I think there is more hedging here than even a yard worker could provide. Clearly it’s time to move on so let’s. Here’s some other hot takes for the week 9 DK slate…
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Tom Brady, QB: $8,400 – First things first, let me point out that the deals this week are just straight up slim by comparison to last week. Case in point: a Brady and Gronk pairing left you room to roster Jeremy Maclin and Randall Cobb. At least that’s what the guy who won a million did on his way to 293 points. BTW, 293 points is absurd and I’m gonna take the under on 240 winning it this week. Lotta low scoring games on the docket and very few looking to be competitive while we’re at it. And hence why I’m talking Brady. The O/U on the game opened at 54 and bumped up to 55, easily the highest total of the day. New England will be passing all day and this game promises to be a shoot out. Unfortunately, you can’t afford 7 players from both teams. Believe me when I say I’ve tried… GPP or Cash
Nick Foles, QB: $7,700 – Vegas likes for this game to stay close as well which typically lends itself to being a good passing game. Foles may look like Napoleon Dynamite but he plays like…well, he kinda plays like Uncle Rico if we’re being honest. He’ll look better when the o-line improves but until then, he’s alright. I’d consider him a cash game only, though, given his price point doesn’t give you any leeway and he doesn’t have 30+ point upside right now. Cash only
Ben Roethlisberger, QB: $7,500 – I know, it probably looks like I’m just going back to the well here. After a guy throws for over 500 yards, you tend to take notice. But Big Ben’s luck keeps rolling the right way as after not having to face Vontae Davis for most of the Indy game, now he’ll get away with not having to face Baltimore’s top corner, Jimmy Smith. The game opened at 44 and then now is up to 48 and projects to be a close game. I see you, Vegas. GPP or Cash
Joe Flacco, QB: $6,100 – I’m all about the price point here. You’re gonna have a hard time rostering studs this week and you might have to pay down at QB to do it. Flacco can throw for 300 and 3 TDs. He isn’t a guy with a safe floor but I’ll take the divisional matchup and the reasonable O/U to make things interesting. GPP only
Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB: $5,700 – I’m looking back through Fitz’ game log to inspire confidence in this call…I’m having a very hard time doing so. As I said earlier, you gotta pay down somewhere and the Eagles do give up plenty of yardage through the air. On paper, it looks like a matchup where Ryan could put up 300 and 3. On my computer, though, he just looks like he’s ready to join a Civil War re-enactment group. Good lord, shave that mess! GPP only
Brian Hoyer, QB: $5,300 – I just keep digging down further and further and further…in essence, if you go this route, you’re punting QB so you can pay up elsewhere. You’re hoping for 250 and 2 here knowing the floor is way lower than that. Remember when everyone was giddy about Hoyer? Sigh, memories…GPP only
Arian Foster, RB: $9,900 – If you find a way to roster this man and a solid QB over $8K while scoring more than 240, I will find you and I will kiss you. That’s like a Liam Neeson quote that’s on the one hand less scary but on the other hand WAY MORE SCARY which is hard to do. I know, it’s a gift. GPP or cash
Marshawn Lynch, RB: $6,100 – The moment you give up on a guy is the moment he has a big game. At least that’s what I keep telling myself after Lynch screwed the pooch while being my lead for week 8. Seattle is favored at home. No surprise. But they’re favored to win by 15. Yes, 2 touchdowns. To be fair, if I had remembered the game from last year better I probably would’ve stayed off Lynch in Carolina. Both teams are fighting and clawing in their respective divisions. It was a battle. This week, Lynch is probably my RB1 with a bullet in tourneys. Or RB1 with a Skittle, if you prefer. GPP only
Ronnie Hillman, RB: $5,800 – In a game that figures to be high scoring, the Pats give up the 4th most fantasy points to opposing backs. Oh and those fantasy points? Lots of them on 44 catches. Oh and of those 44 catches? Five have splashed into the end zone. Hillman could give a baby Forte performance and I wouldn’t be surprised. GPP or cash
LeSean McCoy, RB: $5,200 – Duh to the derp degree. At this price, you just roster Shady and hope he busts a long one and not your wallet like he’s been doing to most DK rosters this year. GPP or cash
Ben Tate, RB: $4,300 – Two straight weeks without Alex Mack, two straight weeks of mediocrity from Tate. I see the trend and it’s not our friend. Even Oakland stopped the run….hrm, I’m just putting him here because of the price with a prayer that the Browns figure out how to block again. GPP only
Frank Gore, RB: $3,800 – Stay with me here, I know it sounds a little off but this is a game flow call and a player call. You can get the negatives out of the way in a hurry. Frank Gore is old, isn’t very involved in the passing game and only has one game in which he’s touched the ball 20+ times on the year. But on the flipside of that, Gore is coming off a bye, should be healthy and this game has SF favored by a TD meaning the ground game should be in full effect. I could see some Gore salting of the clock in the 3rd quarter. You’re obviously hoping for a 125 and 2 TD game here since he’s not gonna give you much of anything through the air more but at this price point, it makes it easier to pay up elsewhere (which I plan to do). GPP only
Antonio Brown, WR: $9,100 – If you can afford Antonio and Foster while rostering a QB that scores you 25+…well, you’re magic and I hate you. Obviously a Big Ben/AB pairing makes logical sense but fiscal sense, not so much. GPP or cash
Jeremy Maclin, WR: $7,600 – So many of the good plays this week are so outrageously priced, I don’t know how I’m even gonna set a reasonable roster. Don’t you feel bad for me? First world problems! The Texans have given up the 2nd most receptions, the 4th most receiving yards and the third most passing TDs this season. If they ain’t bad at stopping the passing game, I don’t know what bad means. GPP or cash
AJ Green, WR: $6,400 – We all know Green is a stud when he’s healthy. The question is ‘is he?’. No seriously, I’m asking you. I don’t know right now. All I know is that his price point is nice and if he is a full go, he’ll probably want to put on a bit of a show to let everyone know he’s back. Keep your eye on the injury report…and the road! My god, why are you reading this while driving to work! GPP only
Steve Smith Sr, WR: $5,600 – It’s been a while since he was super relevant but Steve plays up for big games. Don’t forget last week he had an 80 yard TD catch called back so don’t let that 3/35 line scare you. Steve and Flacco make a great pairing at their price point. GPP or cash
Wes Welker, WR: $3,600 – Narrative street special! Do we get to see a vintage Welker PPR game with a TD against his old mates? The offense has played away from him since he’s been back. Maybe Peyton has been circling this game on his calendar for Welker’s breakout game. GPP only
Stedman Bailey, WR: $3,000 – Stay with me here. Brian Quick is now effectively out for the year which leaves Britt as the de facto number one wide out for the Rams…but even as the number two, he’s received very little work. As scary as the idea of going against the 49ers is, they give up plenty of points to opposing WRs. Clearly a reach here but what do you expect when a guy is minimum price? GPP only
Julius Thomas, TE: $5,600 – I won’t lie, I’m willing to pay for Gronk this week if I can. If I can’t, though, I’ll take the RZ threat from the other team in the shoot out of the weekend. GPP or cash
Larry Donnell, TE: $4,600 – Can’t see him ever having a 3 TD game again but he did go 7/90 in his last game despite two fumbles so he’s not forgotten. The game should stay close and the matchup by the numbers is strong. GPP or cash
Clay Harbor, TE: $4,200 – Strictly a by the numbers call here. Cincy ranks second to last on the year against opposing TEs. But Harbor also plays for the Jags, who are one win better than the Raiders with a QB averaging two picks a game. Does that sound like a team that takes advantages of good matchups to you? Yeah, me neither. GPP only
Crockett Gillmore, TE: $3,000 – So Baltimore just keeps breaking tight ends despite their affinity for throwing to them. I’m looking Crockett’s way because he’s minimum priced and could, given the scheme and the matchup, score two touchdowns. He could also do what he did last week: 2/23. So there’s that. But do you really wanna go through life playing it safe? YOLO! GPP only
Cincinnati Bengals, DST: $3,300 – It’s a chalky play but who doesn’t like chalk? I mean, it comes in different colors, you can draw with it, you can scrape the chalkboard with it to annoy your teacher. It’s the best! The Jags proved last week why streaming defenses against them can be fruitful as the Dolphins defense outscored Kyle Orton on the day and he threw 4 touchdowns. The three teams priced at $3,300 on the day (Seahawks and Chiefs) are all worthy of your consideration but I think we get vintage Bengals at home defense on Sunday. Thanks Bortles! GPP or cash
San Francisco 49ers, DST: $3,200 – Might go a bit unheralded because of all the other premium matchups just $100 more but the potential for a beatdown is here despite the injuries on the defensive side of the ball for them. A Gore/49ers pairing could make sense. GPP or cash
Arizona Cardinals, DST: $3,000 – Lots to factor here. This really has much to do with their blitz packages and the fact they’re a stout run defense. I’m not saying they’re going to take down Dallas but if Romo isn’t healthy enough to be 100% Romo, this game could get ugly. Not for the faint of heart. GPP only
Cleveland Browns, DST: $2,900 – They couldn’t shut down the Jaguars a couple of weeks ago on the road and then basically matched their cost last week by scoring 13 against the still winless Raiders. It is somehow poetic that despite being 4-3, they’re still last in their division. GPP or cash
