I’ll admit it. That was probably the best Sunday Night Football game of the season, and it had everything I’ve come to expect from an NFC East divisional game. It’s almost as if the Giants and Washington were there in spirit. In what was the second and final match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys, the game feature two quarterbacks that would probably be quite successful at the collegiate level. And most likely Canadian Football. And the aforementioned ingredients for this divisional game? All there. Turnovers, questionable officiating, amazing plays, the bi-weekly Sean Lee injury (honestly, Lee needs to be banned from playing football for his own good), back and forth scores leading to overtime, and of course, derp. In the end, the Cowboy’s failed to tackle anything during overtime (last play shown above) and now the Eagles have an insurmountable lead in the division at 4-4, good for second. Because Giants, that’s why. So… in summation: F*ck Greg Hardy.
Here’s what else I saw during Week 9’s Sunday games…
Cole Beasley – 9 REC, 112 YDS, 2 TD. If you make it a yards per inch in height, I am pretty sure Beasley put up some record numbers last night.
Odell Beckham Jr. – 9 REC, 105 YDS. Shockingly, the Giants strategy was to throw to OBJ. How could have the Buccaneers seen it coming?
LeGarrette Blount – 29 CAR, 129 YDS, 1 TD. Washington’s “no touching” defense was met with predictable results.
Blake Bortles – 24/40, 381 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT and 4 CAR, 32 YDS, 1 FUM. BUMBLING BLAKE BORTLES BADLY BOBBLED BALL.
Teddy Bridgewater – 13/21, 144 YDS, 1 INT and 3 CAR, 17 YDS, 1 TD. Teddy Bridgewater, I’d like you to meet Concussion Protocol. Concussion Protocol, Mr. Bridgewater. Seriously though, that play by Lamarcus Joyner was dirty as f*ck, lowering your shoulder and elbow into a sliding quarterback. A cheap play by a cheap player, and pretty much typical from a Jeff Fisher/Gregg Williams defense.  Not sure why the Rams would move to Los Angeles when they’d fit beautifully underneath a meteor.
Antonio Brown – 17 REC, 284 YDS and 2 CAR, 22 YDS. Who on the Raiders thought it was a good idea to wear all that Brown?
Derek Carr – 24/44, 301 YDS, 4 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 3 YDS. So, at what point do you think Derek Carr will remember that his last name is “Carr”? I mean, it’s a little late in the season for them to stop over-achieving… but it is still the Raiders. I’m sure they’ll find a way.
Matt Cassel – 25/38, 299 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 17 YDS. In order for Cassel to effectively operate, you need to form a moat around him.
Brandin Cooks – 4 REC, 73 YDS, 1 TD. Brandin Cooks actually caught some passes? Is it the apocalypse?
Jerricho Cotchery – 3 REC, 82 YDS. Am I the only one who always thinks “Hehe crotch”, when Cotchery does something?
Jeff Cumberland – 1 REC, 44 YDS. The Army of Cumberland struck again!
Orleans Darkwa – 6 CAR, 23 YDS. Giants are afraid of the Darkwa.
Vernon Davis – 1 TGTS. I was led to believe that Vernon Davis would be relevant…
Mike Evans – 8 REC, 152 YDS. Wow, so the “No Defense” Giants showed up yesterday. It’s like what, only a week since we saw them last?
Nick Foles – 18/33, 168 YDS. 1 CAR, 2 YDS. Foles is terrible. There’s no joke here. He’s just amazingly terrible.
Devonta Freeman – 12 CAR, 12 YDS and 8 REC, 67 YDS, 1 TD. Where have you gone, Devonta DiMaggio?
Ted Ginn Jr. – 1 REC, 20 YDS. Ted Ginn caught a pass? That’s like two weeks in a row, and I’m still shocked to find out he’s still in the league.
Shaun Hill – 2/6, 15 YDS and 1 CAR, -1 YDS. How is Shaun Hill still in the league? More like a Shaun Hill to die on, amirite folks? We’ll have to wait on the concussion protocol for Bridgewater to take it’s course, and we’ll presumably find out more today, but if he’s out for any long period of time… R.I.P. the Vikings above average season. 9/14/15 – 11/8/15.
Ronnie Hillman – 7 CAR, 1 YDS. Um, what the hell is this, Denver?
Allen Hurns – 5 REC, 122 YDS, 1 TD. Is Allen Burns a thing yet? It should be, just completely the lowest hanging fruit there is…
Chris Ivory – 23 CAR, 26 YDS, 2 TD and 3 REC, 22 YDS. The Jets running game plan appeared to be comprised entirely of “Ivory up the middle, but only when they’ve stacked the box.” It’s an odd strategy to say the least.
Eddie Lacy – 5 CAR, 10 YDS, 1 FUM. Eddie Lacy is so God damn useless this season. Actually, maybe not completely useless. I bet he keeps the waiters and waitresses plenty busy. Oh, I have an idea. From this point on, the Packers should tell Lacy that there’s a bearclaw waiting for him in the endzone.
Dion Lewis – 4 CAR, 14 YDS and 4 REC, 39 YDS. One Lewis down, one Brady to go! It appeared to be an ACL injury, and the latest reports don’t show any swelling, but we’ll know more with the MRI early today. The Patriots are hoping for just a strain, but just in case it’s more than that, James White and Brandon Bolden will become the latest players that Bill Belichick will troll you with.
Peyton Manning – 21/36, 281 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT. YOU HAVE TO WAIT, PEYTON. YOU MUST WAIT… ♪ Chicken-parm you taste so good ♪… ♪ Why’s Talib still on the team? ♪
Lamar Miller – 12 CAR, 44 YDS, 2 TD and 7 REC, 97 YDS. As a Lamar Miller owner, I can’t complain.
Cam Newton – 15/30, 297 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 9 CAR, 57 YDS, 1 TD. “I don’t know who this Don Capers is, but I like him!” – Cam Newton.
Greg Olsen – 4 REC, 66 YDS, 1 TD. Don Capers should look into real estate in the Charlotte area. His house in Green Bay will be gone shortly…
Aaron Rodgers – 25/48, 369 YDS, 4 TD, 1 INT and 4 CAR, 22 YDS. The “Pack attack” used to mean something else… this season? It’s a bad medical condition. I used to complain all the time about Mike McCarthy’s play-calling, but he’s so bad at it, he was able to find someone (Edgar Bennett) worse than him to take over… how is that even possible?
Kenny Stills – 3 REC, 74 YDS. Kenny Stills: NFL wide receiver or country-western star?
Ryan Tannehill – 27/36, 309 YDS and 2 CAR, 3 YDS. Well, that was pretty much your typical Dolphins midseason game if there ever was one. You know, for a state that really takes it’s football quite seriously, Florida has some pretty sh*tty professional teams.
Julius Thomas – 3 REC, 14 YDS. You don’t need to Jets when you can still Jaguars!
Sammy Watkins – 8 REC, 168 YDS, 1 TD. So I guess the strategy from now on is to start Watkins only when he has a strained ankle. I just… I don’t understand fantasy football anymore…
Delanie Walker – 7 REC, 95 YDS, 2 TD. Saints were in full Aints mode yesterday…
Fozzy Whittaker – 2 CAR, 13 YDS. Fozzy Whittaker sounds like a West Virginia law firm.
Final Thought
Are you ready fellow vault-dwellers?
