Well, this is it folks. We are nearing the end of what was a glorious and scrumptious set of weeks going over the bulk of our fantasy rankings. Coincidentally, glorious and scrumptious is how I’m described at most dinner parties. With a hint of lilac and ginger. So I’m basically a hot tea. Hot tea. Hottie. HUUUUUUR. Anyways, you should give me a dollar for these set of rankings. Why? So I can give you some quarters back…? I’m simply on fire here. No, I’m serious. It’s the District and we’re in the unbearable humid stage of summer. So I literally need to stick a fire extinguisher between my thighs to prevent chaffed rashes and combustion. It’s like the forest from Fern Gully down there.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings!!! Welcome to Razzball’s first ever, REAL NFL Mock Draft. The more you know and understand about rosters and the NFL in general, will only help you achieve your grandiose dreams of fantasy greatness. Who better than I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s own in-house football expert, to break down what all 32 NFL teams should be doing with their first round selections? Don’t answer that.
I expect there to be numerous trades in the first round, and all throughout the draft, but I’m not even going to attempt at predicting all of the trade scenarios. That’s like trying to decipher how Nicolas Cage went from an A-list leading actor to the holding up “Will Work for Food” signs on Hollywood Boulevard. I don’t recall ever being this pumped up about an NFL Draft, as this is one of the more intriguing draft classes in some time. I’m giddy like a school girl on Christmas Eve!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Interestingly enough, Ben Tate going to the Cleveland Browns might end up improving his fantasy prospects (or a strange attempt to prevent more rib-breakage), while Steve Smith signing with the Baltimore Ravens might end up doing the opposite. Yet another example of why a fantasy game with fake teams based upon real players based upon a real game isn’t always rational in the scope of things. (Just like that sentence.)
You see, under the scope of ‘real’ football, these moves mean the exact opposite. Steve Smith goes to a team that should be in or around the play-off picture, a somewhat competent (based on NFL standards) coaching staff, and a team that has some interesting weapons. Just make sure to hide if you’re a fiancée. On the other hand, Ben Tate has basically gone to the football equivalent of Siberia. But with Skyline Chili. So much worse. However, add some fantasy context, and the sky is no longer blue, roses are no longer red, and Skyline Chili does not exist. Totally worth it…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, here we go. What? You didn’t get enough Jackie Battle news this past week? What about Tony Fiammetta? Breaking! I just signed Terrell Owens, and all it cost me was a Subway Tuna sandwich. Yeah, I know I overpaid. But, to be fair, there wasn’t any mayo, so I had that going. But enough about me, let’s take a look at some of the key news that’s happened so far during free agency week, all through the fantasy football scope. That scope is real by the way. I’m serious. It has chrome plating and comes with a bottle-opener.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Football is a funny sport, especially for a team that rarely gets to be in the spotlight. The last time I remember seeing Cam Newton under the watchful eye of prime time, it was Thursday Night Football, week 3 and it was the 2012 season. Heading into the game, the Panthers were 1-1 and were fresh off a win over a division rival – the New Orleans Saints – and were riding high. It was Cam’s second season in the league and people were expecting great things from the young man. And then September 20th happened and the good times left the building. Cam and company left their home turf after a humiliating loss at the hands of the Giants. After a 36-7 loss, a lot of people – both fantasy enthusiasts and real – began to question Supermans superpowers. Was the guy that looked like he was pouting on the sidelines under his towel really a leader? Was the guy who just threw 3 interceptions really the person that was gonna bring Carolina back to prominence? And so on and so forth and the rest of the season played out and people forgave but never forgot the towel-covered Cam. He was a childish athlete who’d never learn how to play within the game, they said. An egotistical prat who lacked the ability to guide a team to victory, they chattered. And for most of 2012, the people were right. But some light must’ve popped on at the end of 2012 as they went on to win 5 of their last 6. Sure, the Panthers finished 7-9 but there were flashes of the team we saw on Monday last year. We were just too blinded by Cam hatred to see. And of that Cam hatred? Well, to help his team go to 8-3 on the 2013 season, Newton finished with 209 passing yards and 3 passing TDs while leading his team in rushing on the night with 62. Yeah, but you ain’t talking fantasy, Sky, this is all about real football. No one cares. Well you SHOULD care, imaginary reader. This team is fighting for the playoffs. It has motivation and incentive down the stretch to actually win their division and a supercharged Cam can be a Superman Cam at any moment and tonight he definitely was that. Cam looked better than he has in a while in the passing game. I don’t know if it was his receivers stepping up or him playing at another level – I’ll defer towards the former but that’s cuz Cam’s been pretty damn good all year, y’all – but there’s reason for JB to be pointing at the back of that jersey tonight. Cam is legit. Panthers are legit. And now I have to write about other guys and I’m completely spent. In other news from week 11 MNF for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Julio Jones likely out for the season, now might be a good time to take a gamble on Harry Douglas or make a trade for either Steven Jackson or Roddy White if you can get them. When an offensive weapon like that goes down, the surrounding cast all has to step up to the plate. They all come with question marks, but considering how disappointing Atlanta has been this year, there’s a chance you could get one of them for a relatively low price. That all being said, Atlanta is on bye this week so be sure to factor that into your decisions.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings Razzballer’s, before we run down the jammer crammer’s that could save your fantasy season, please join your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru in the Fantasy Hot Tub Time Machine as we take a short spin through the space-time continuum back to the year 1962. *wavy lines wavy lines* What the hell’s going on here? Hey, look out for that iceberg! Oh, it’s 1912, my bad. I’m king of the world! *more wavy lines* I want to welcome you all to the King’s X Cocktail Bar in Oakland, California. Grab a Manhattan and watch as three Mad Men types – Raiders part-owner Wilfred “Bill” Winkenbach, Raiders “public relation” guy Bill Tunnell and reporter Scotty Stirling – create something that will frustrate and anger all of us for the next 50 years…Fantasy Football. Anytime you combine a wealthy owner with a private dick, a headline fabricator and a pitcher of Tom Collins’ “brilliant” ideas are bound to spring up. Thus, that’s how the Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League turned into this frustrating game we devote more time and energy to than it actually deserves. Now raise a glass to Bill and the boys, lay a few sawbucks on the ’62 Packers and get your fanny perpendiculars back in the hot tub. *yet more wavy lines* It’s time to jam it or cram it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The start of the fantasy season is finally here! By now, you have likely completed your draft and you’re just counting the seconds until Thursday’s game between the Ravens and Broncos (exactly 161,722 at the time this sentence is being written). However, before the games begin, you have a few decisions to make.
With the exception of Rob Gronkowski, you’re probably thinking about playing the people you drafted in the first 5-6 rounds, and that’s smart. Why would you spend an early pick on someone you don’t feel comfortable playing every week, regardless of the matchup? Still, there are some great defenses out there and if you’re looking for a solid flex play, you probably have a few options, so here’s a little something to make that decision easier.Please, blog, may I have some more?
RCL Season is approaching! We’re stoked this year for another big RCL season, and we’re still looking for more leagues and more commishes, so as Sky would say “clickity-click this linkity-link” and start up a new RCL league! As I mentioned on yesterday’s Podcast post, I’m going to give the top scorer every week a shout out and the team they toppled a slurry of French-ish epithets screamed as if atop a castle.
Last Tuesday, we had our first RCL draft in my JB’s Random Commenter League, and I gotta say, Razzball readers are pretty effing smart. It was like drafting with 11 other mes. 12 JB’s would be 79 feet of fantasy gigantism. Horrifying. But I did come away really happy with my team. As we talked about in our chat, I don’t really have any draft strategies this season, because there’s just so much sleeper/overrated value at different times that I’m going to come away with wildly different teams based on my draft spot. None of the guys on my team were particular targets, except my love for Cam Newton this year, who I think has a monster season. But I’m getting ahead of myself…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome and thank you for following me into July. I will be your host for the rankings show that never quits. If you’re new around here, I’ll get you up to speed. I’ve brought you a Top 10, a Top 20 and a Top 50 to date and will round out the rankings with words version of our overall rankings today while still covering the remaining position ranking needs. Wanna know where I pulled those magical hyperlinks from? Well you can either click here where I say Razzball Fantasy Football Rankings or you can be a big boy/girl and navigate up to the Menu and see where the magical word ‘Rankings’ is to start your journey. Whatever you do on this trip, though, avoid the Swamps of Sadness…ARTAX! But enough of that, I do hope you’ve liked the process of these rankings. I’m not gonna lie, the slow reveal makes me feel sexy. Though of course that has much more to do with me removing an article of clothing each time I do. Thankfully for both of us, I bundled up like I lived in The Northern Territories before I started. I’m getting down to my third thermal layer and I can’t wait to get the wool sweater underneath it off along the way…but of course you came for Rankings and not my unique fashion sense for the hot summer months and that’s what you’ll get. So here is the Top 100 for the 2013 Fantasy Football season. Pardon me while I remove my goose down jacket…Please, blog, may I have some more?