When Heath Cummings of CBS Fantasy Sports asked me if I’d be willing to participate in his 20 round industry dynasty superflex startup mock draft, I had to check my schedule. My Kerryon Johnson stalking schedule that is. Between that and working up my 2020 fantasy football rankings I was booked solid. Fortunately, the bushes outside Kerryon’s house are pretty comfortable and I cracked the Johnson’s wifi password months ago. So it was all systems go for this 12 team PPR dynasty superflex startup mock draft, see the full results here. Anyway, here’s the team I came away with:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dr. Donkey Teeth and The Boof, aka Ralph Macchio, are back on the YouTube talking fantasy football for your viewing pleasure. After discussing the BIG news of the week —Carlos Hyde signed with the Seahawks—the guys taking a stroll down memory lane, reminiscing about some of their favorite fantasy players from past years including Rob Gronkowski, Randy Moss and Antonio Brown. Later the Karate Kid opens up about his anxiety in regards to trading for running backs in dynasty leagues which leads to an in depth strategic discussion about how to approach the buying and selling of RBs in dynasty. Tune in and subscribe to our YouTube channel now!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
RazzBowl II: Judgment Day
May 27, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Football, RazzBowl | 6 Commentsby: Donkey Teeth
Year one of the RazzBowl was a great success. Very nice. Sexy time. Wawaweewa. Sorry, I had Borat playing in the background while working on my 2020 fantasy football rankings.
So last year we were graced with a loaded field for the inaugural RazzBowl better ball tournament. It was a real who’s who of the fantasy football world, including Heath Cummings, Jake Ciely, Andy Behrens, Brad Evans, Michael Salfino, my cousin Goncharius with the lazy eye who claims he’s the greatest fantasy footballer of all-time, plus many more of the industry’s biggest guns. But it was Mike Beers of RotoViz who took us all to Kazakhstan, hoisting the RazzBowl Cup with the help of his three-headed-monster backfield of Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook and Derrick Henry.Â
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 for 2020 Fantasy Football
May 26, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Rankings |by: Donkey Teeth
I watched The Match on Sunday featuring Tiger Woods and Peyton Manning battling against Phil Mickelson and Tom Brady. The echo chamber said Tiger had a huge advantage playing at his home course. The echo chamber said Tiger wouldn’t lose two matches in a row to Phil. Turns out the echo chamber sometimes echos for good reason, as the Tiger/Manning duo held off a later charge from Phil and Brady to hoist the Pandemic Cup. But the echo chamber isn’t always right, especially in fantasy football. Remember last years mad chants of David Johnson and Le’Veon Bell as surefire first rounders? And JuJu and OBJ as top 15 draft pick elite WR1s? Well, I’ve stepped outside the echo chamber and into a private padded room to compile my 2020 fantasy football rankings. Over the weekend I gave you my overall top 10 for 2020 fantasy football which were crazy as a pack of unicycle-riding-gorillas. The only echos you’ll find here are the friendly, completely sane, voices inside my head. Anyway, here’s my top 20 for 2020 PPR fantasy football:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 10 for 2020 Fantasy Football
May 23, 2020 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 3 Commentsby: Donkey Teeth
The build up to the 2020 NFL Draft was like waiting for Christmas morning as a child, the release of Game of Thrones Season 8 as an adult and the return of Taco Bell’s Nacho Fries as a stoner, all at once. But alas the excitement of the draft has come and gone. Giants fans were left wondering what might have been if their GM figured out how to use a computer, Bears fans were left wondering what it feels like to make a good draft pick and fantasy football fans were left wondering when Donkey Teeth’s 2020 fantasy football rankings would be released. Sorry Giants and fellow Bears fans, I have no answers for you, but fantasy fans you’re in luck. It’s redraft rankings season! All of my 2020 dynasty football rankings have already been released, dissected and judged as terribly inadequate. Anyway, here’s my top 10 for 2020 fantasy football:
Just kidding! Tricked you again! First, I’m contractually obligated to plug my wildly popular new YouTube show called Fantasy Football Malpractice with myself (Dr. Donkey Teeth) and The Boof. Episode two was released earlier this week where we discuss NFL in the COVID Era, drafting for upside and some of our worst takes from 2019. Watch, subscribe, comment and click that thumbs up dealie if you don’t hate us too much!
Please, blog, may I have some more?They said we couldn’t do it. They said YouTube is no place for two computer illiterate fake football doctors. But they were wrong! That’s right, The Boof and Dr. Donkey Teeth figured out how to record not just one, but TWO whole episodes of their new hit YouTube show: Fantasy Football Malpractice. On this weeks episode we discuss how the season of coronavirus is shaping up in the NFL, 2020 upside draft strategy and some of our worst takes of 2019. Players discussed include Chris Godwin, JuJu Smith-Schuster, Kerryon Johnson and Patrick Mahomes. Watch now and find out what everyone would be talking about at the water cooler if they weren’t currently working from home. And don’t forget to subscribe and click that thumbs up guy!
Please, blog, may I have some more?This is it. The culmination of my offseason dynasty rankings. So much culmination happening right now. Are you culminating yet? Didn’t think so. According to my girlfriend (still imaginary), she never culminates.Â
I tried my best to warm you up with updated dynasty running back rankings, even while putting my own personal life with Kerryon Johnson on the rocks. Later I whispered sweet nothings into your ear with my updated dynasty wide receiver rankings while insulting Juju Smith-Schuster, again. Then you fell asleep while I discussed dynasty quarterback rankings and dynasty tight end rankings. But I brought you back to life with my top 50 rookies for dynasty leagues. My imaginary girlfriend tells me I’ve been yelling random numbers and football player names out in my sleep for the past two months. Which she says is actually an improvement from the original song I wrote which I’d previously been shouting in my sleep—it’s called Kerryon My Johnson. If you haven’t read enough of my nonsense, there’s blurbs on almost all 250 of the below players buried in the above links. Anyway, here’s my top 250 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Last week I gave you my top 10 dynasty rankings for 2020 fantasy football. First there was an angry mob of readers outraged by my Miles Sanders optimism. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. An hour after the rankings dropped I glanced at my phone. A dozen missed calls, all from Kerryon. When I finally mustered up the courage to call my love back, I could hardly get a word in. “Miles Sanders at #10?! I thought we had something special. What about the weekend we had in Paris!” So it took a lot of sweet talking before KJ was back in my bed, later that night. And all was right in the world. That is until today when my Johnson sees he’s no longer in the top 20. I’ve preemptively sent flowers. Anyway, here’s my top 20 for 2020 PPR dynasty leagues:
Please, blog, may I have some more?I just bet $40 on a UFC fighter named Song Yadong. Never bet against Yadong. Gotta think if the UFC can operate during a pandemic then the NFL can too, right? It better, one donkey can only rosterbate, mock draft and rosterbate to mock drafts for so long! Fortunately I stocked up on lotion back in February when others were foolishly hoarding masks, toilet paper and hand sanitizer, so I’m good for at least another six months. Update: Yadong just won. Give me more Yadong! Anyway, we gathered some big names together—not too close— for another dynasty rookie mock draft. If you missed it, check out our 1QB PPR dynasty rookie mock from the week before. This time we mocked a superflex PPR rookie draft, here’s our industry participants and results: Â
Please, blog, may I have some more?You ever go to the driving range? Not one of those fancy Top Golf ranges, I’m talking old school range. Like the one Kevin Costner owned in Tin Cup. Cheech Marin’s character would get sent out in a cart to pick up the range balls and all the crappy golfers would take aim. Nailing the cart boy with a line drive is the pinnacle of golf.  Actually I don’t think Cheech ever fetch range balls in the movie, but what else was doing there other than smoking the reefer? Dynasty rankings are like going after that range ball collection cart—a constantly moving target. And I’m the crappy golfer, blinded by Kerryon Johnson’s beautiful eyes and A.J. Dillon’s sexy legs, like Costner with the hots for Rene Russo. Man I need to add that movie to my pandemic watchlist. Anyway, here’s my top 10 dynasty players for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Today will go down in infamy right there with Pearl Harbor and the day the Lions drafted D’Andre Swift, bringing the Kerryon Johnson fan club to it’s knees. Except this is a good day. Maybe those weren’t the best examples of infamous days. Anyway, today Boof and I successfully published the debut episode of the soon to be wildly popular YouTube show: Fantasy Football Malpractice. What does fantasy football malpractice mean and what recourse do you have if you’re a victim? You’ll have to watch the show and find out! We also discuss a few underrated offenses for 2020 fantasy football including the Cardinals, Panthers, Jaguars and Dolphins. Plus we’ll share our dynasty rookie draft strategy now that the 2020 NFL Draft has completed. Kyler Murray, Christian Kirk, Preston Williams, Jordan Howard, Matt Breida and Curtis Samuel are just a few of the players we touch and rub on in this series premium. Feast your eyes on Dr. Donkey Teeth and The Boof!
Please, blog, may I have some more?In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?