Imagine: there’s an alternate dimension out there where Drew Bledsoe stayed in the game and Tom Brady ended up signing as a backup QB with the Minnesota Vikings, where he took the field and handed off the ball on 3rd and 17 every time to line up for the optimal punt formation. At the age of 32, he retired to coach high school football in Nashville, but ultimately left football behind at age 39 because he had a chance to start a skydiving company in rural Arkansas with some college buddies. Bizarro Tom Brady is strapped to somebody’s back at 35,000 feet right now, waiting to plummet to earth. But our Tom Brady — the one that JB and MB love — is spending this Sunday getting pliable and expanding his cryptocurrency holdings after fending off the aerial assault of Jalen Hurts and the Philadelphia Eagles, who packed the season up already by trading away — finally! — Zach Ertz. Will Zach Ertz play today? That’s a great question! Somebody let me know down in the comments. Maybe he could play for Bishop Sycamore. Come, gather round and get ready for week 6 of fantasy football!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Learn more about our 2021 Fantasy Football Subscriptions!

The best blend of accurate and bold weekly projections for QB/RB/WR/TE + PK + Defensive Teams and IDP as well as a kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!.

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

Sunday morning has arrived and you spent all weekend on a drinking binge? Or worse (maybe better?), you’ve been up for 48 hours on six different types of drugs? Fear not, Razzball has all of your last-minute fantasy football needs covered. Over the past two days, Bobby has covered the best defensive matchups this week for both Wide Outs and Slot Receivers. Yesterday Skorish went through every fantasy-relevant injury to keep an eye on in his weekly Fantasy Football Injury Report. Down below I’ll give you some sneaky start options who might be available in your free agent pool if you’re in a bind, as well as my recently updated week 5 rankings for half PPR leagues. Feel free to ask me questions in the comments if you think the rankings don’t address your specific circumstances. And please, please, please consider purchasing our 2021 fantasy football tools subscription. As intelligent and handsome as we all agree I am, my rankings are still packed full of bias and human error. Rudy’s computer model minimizes the human inputs and leans heavily on raw, untainted data inputs to provide a very valuable, differing viewpoint. Plus you receive all kinds of other benefits with your subscription including next-day snap count and target rate data. Anyway, here’s a few sneaky starts for week 5 of the 2021 fantasy football season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Everybody’s fading the Titans, and you know what that means? Sandra Bullock is coming to town for a Hallmark-style tearjerker about Ryan Tannehill learning to pass to [checks notes] Chester Rogers. Wait, you’re seriously expecting me to hype Chester Rogers? What is this, a clickbait site? Ahem, let me try: Undrafted free agent Chester Rogers just needed a chance. He got that chance when he starred in Madea’s Family Reunion. For whatever reason, he left the lucrative Tyler Perry operation and pursued a career in football. Only 4 weeks into the season, injuries thrust him into the spotlight…the future was his to seize. How about that? Think we can greenlight that script? Anybody got Julia Roberts’ number? No? OK, let’s just stick to fantasy football. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

G’Mornin, degenerates! Donkey Teeth and I will be switching off the Sunday primers every week in accordance with whichever zodiac sign is dominant in the sky. Also, we don’t have any astrology books around and Grey doesn’t allow Google on the work computers at Razzball Headquarters, so we’ve decided that each Zodiac sign lasts one week. Last week, it was Donkinapoli, the celestial god of ruminating cloven-hoofed animals. This week, it’s Spookii, the celestial lord of pumpkin spice. Now that I’m powered by nutmeg and cloves, here’s the double scoop on the fantasy football news for today. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you wouldn’t mind taking a break from the treadmill that you are using to work off Thanksgiving dinner and all of the leftovers we still have a slate of games ahead of us for week 12. First off, if we’re keeping it real, I don’t think the Steelers and Ravens play their game this week. I would get the players that you have involved in that game out of your lineups. It might already be cancelled by the time this comes out overnight. The injury list continues to get long and be full of terrors. For whatever reason, I decided to turn on my notifications for my ESPN app and it’s pinging like a group chat with injury and COVID designations. So let’s get to the updated injury list and updated rankings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s Thanksgiving! I hope your morning is going more smoothly than mine is, there’s nothing like waking up to a still frozen turkey that you put in the fridge to thaw out on Monday. The virtual guests are going to be very uncomfortable watching me have a meltdown. At least the Ravens and Steelers battle it out tonight in what should be one of the most exciting Thanksgiving games that we’ve seen in years. Oh wait, that got pushed back until Sunday? We’re off to a rough start on Thanksgiving. It sort of makes me want to board a plane and just get out of dodge like the mayor of Denver.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It is my favorite week of the football season! We are getting close to the fantasy playoffs, the standings are painting a clearer picture in our leagues, and it’s Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving week means vacation from real life responsibilities for me. Not here at Razzball, but my actual 9-5. Which is actually 5-3:30. Early mornings, yuck. All that I plan on doing this week is proposing trades, eating, writing, and finally watching Yellowstone. Everyone watches this damn show so I have to find out what is behind all of the buzz. Is this Kevin Costner’s best performance since Draft Day? I will be sure to let you know as soon as I do. 

Weirdly enough, we are looking at much better weather this week for fantasy and real life scoring. There isn’t going to be a violent wind storm in Cleveland for the first time in what seems like ever. Green Bay is playing indoors. Can Aaron Rodgers crack the code of Indy’s tough defense? My betting card is full of underdogs this week, which is always anxiety inducing, but we’ll see what happens. Below will be the updated rankings and injury report. After taking a look at that, hit up the comment section for all of your fantasy lineup needs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What a huge weekend for sports. On Saturday, the Masters got underway to finish the second round while the sun was still rising and then the 3rd round immediately after. There was a full slate of college football to follow. And now on Sunday, we have the final round of the Masters and another NFL Sunday. The NFL is the biggest conglomerate in the sports world, but they moved all of the good games to the late afternoon to make way for the final round of the Masters. What a power move for the golf world to force the NFL’s hand! So far, it doesn’t appear that any games are in danger of the Covid postponement, so let’s get right into the injury report and updated rankings. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the bloodbath that is week 9 fantasy football, where everyone has Covid but we’re just going to play through it! But seriously, I’m hoping for the best when it comes to the well-being of our celebrated superstars. Speaking of superstars, GUESS WHO’S BACK? Christian McCaffrey will step back onto the field and do what he can to make up ground for those who picked him #1 overall this year. Another superstar is expected back as well. Michael Thomas! Just in time to play my Bucs of course. Man, I wish another teammate called him a slot receiver to set him off and make this an easier matchup for the Bucs after he inevitably punches the guy and gets suspended.

Please, blog, may I have some more?