Deep Impact, Week 13: We’re All Hunters For A Good Win

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Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of Deep Impact! This is an important week, dear readers. For many of you, it is one last shot to lock up a first round bye or sneak into the playoffs and pray for a Giants-like romp to the championship. For many others, this will be your last week of fantasy football for the season, as your failed early round picks of Brandon Marshall or Rob Gronkowski (What idiot would have ever suggested those picks? Please don’t look at my preseason articles) give you another reason besides seasonal affective disorder to go see a therapist this winter. To those jumping off the metaphorical train after this week: don’t jump off anything literally, it’s going to be ok. Go book that therapy appointment, and thanks for reading along this season. To people gearing up for the playoffs, let’s take a look at the under 10% owned population and figure out what unearthed gem can take you to the Promised Land.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Razzcast 14: Fantasy Playwest and Offworld

by: Jay

Westworld in a nutshell…

Or something like that. With Fantasy Football playoffs just starting, the Unbreakable MB and Jen go over the recent and infuriating/sad Gronk news, Jameis Winston and Colin Kaepernick, and a little bit on the Packers running back situation. The verdict: Mike McCarthy is an idiot. We also go over tight end drafting (there’s an easy joke here somewhere) and provide a small glimpse of the Razzball Writer’s League, which has been largely forgotten (or ignored) by yours truly. Probably because Zach is in first place. Then we tackle Westworld’s season thus far (at 31:35) and go into stuff that involve spoilers, which the unwanted revelation of will never happen here wihtout warning, folks. Except when those whales with lasers came out a couple weeks back. What a twist! However, I am willing to allow non-spoiler GIFs like the one above, which is a national treasure. And also probably my own inner-monologue when editing Tehol’s posts…

Here’s the newest episode of the newly renamed Razzcast!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I Scream, You Stream, Week 13: Rad Brad and Barking Up the Right Tree

December 1, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 18 Comments

by: MB

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Welcome back to the Razzball streamer article. I hope you didn’t miss me too much last week and had a great Thanksgiving, unless you felt too much genocidal guilt to celebrate. The Cleveland Browns finally get to not lose this week, and that makes for a more difficult pick ‘em pool. This just goes to show you, even if you are never successful, you could still earn a week vacation. Never give up. Before we get to streamers, make sure that you check out the football podcast this week if you are into Westworld. A few of us at Razzball have some takes that we need to get off of our chest, so be on the look-out for that. Now let’s get down to business.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull, Week 13: Da bears

December 1, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 7 Comments

by: Son

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Da bears are a joke. No B for you! They are 2-9 on the season and have only scored 178 points all year! The Lambs have scored 170? Geez. Only three other teams have failed to crack the 200 point barrier. Maybe they are playing on All-Madden while the rest of the league is on Pro. Forget about recounting votes for Hillary! I demand an audit of the NFL to check the gameplay settings! Actually, scratch that. They just suck.

So why the hell am I devoting my precious time and energy to Da bears this week?

For starters, the other great writers at Razzball got you covered on the main guys out there. Go check them out. I highly recommend it.

Disclaimer: Razzball did not pay me to write that, nor did they pay anyone in my immediate family for that endorsement. Pssst, Jay and Grey….all good?

I try to touch on the players that are a little off the reservation. Mission accomplished for sure this week. Achievement unlocked.

Finally, I wanted my loyal readers to be a part of history. Drum roll please… For the first time in Razzball Bear or Bull history, I will talk about not one, not two, but three players! Maybe four. I can see my followers gathering now. Yeah, I feel you.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Football Rankings, Week 13

December 1, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Weekly Rankings | 104 Comments

by: Jay

Period	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Week 12	52 out of 130	60	44	28	119	43	8
Week 11	35 out of 133	81	24	59	33	19	77
Week 10	59 out of 133	46	40	102	104	15	40
Week 9	2 out of 133	2	20	76	14	33	18
Week 8	46 out of 134	76	13	90	65	73	33
Week 7	5 out of 138	58	2	36	30	22	56
Week 6	92 out of 137	101	60	87	63	18	55
Week 5	9 out of 138	42	32	4	112	56	12
Week 4	5 out of 141	60	15	6	49	4	62
Week 3	22 out of 139	41	18	62	21	7	32
Week 2	96 out of 139	96	116	38	107	13	8
Week 1	66 out of 138	63	73	34	116	32	23
2016	7 out of 141	31	5	11	55	10	11
3-year AVG	20 out of 122	37	28	17	47	17	35

Another week, another okay-ish result, but overall, Razzball is still holding strong in the top-10 for the season. This is the first week of Fantasy Football playoffs for many of us, so I know we’re all 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it’s more… it could be 98% scared and 2% excited. Actually, you know, I just quoted Armageddon, so I think we can just quickly move along to the rankings and pretend none of this ever happened…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Handcuff Report, Week 13: All Saints Week

November 30, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 19 Comments

by: mikeMaher

It’s Week 13, which means we are heading into the fantasy playoffs soon. I know that because my readership has dwindled the last two weeks, as many fantasy owners have been eliminated from the playoffs and are throwing in the towel. But that’s OKAY. That just means we can be more serious and a bit more intimate now. It’s just me and you, playoff hopefuls.

Heading into this week, Tim Hightower was a name to watch because Mark Ingram was still in the concussion protocol and was questionable to play. If Ingram couldn’t go, Hightower was going to be a high-end flex/RB2 to throw into lineups before they locked on Sunday. But word came out on Sunday morning that Ingram was going to play, so many likely left Hightower on the bench or on the waiver wire.

But something funny happened. It didn’t matter that Ingram played. Ingram and Hightower combined for three touchdowns and almost 300 yards, with Hightower accounting for 51 rushing yards, 54 receiving yards, and one of the touchdowns. Although, Hightower’s final stat line would look a bit different if not for the late 50-yard touchdown pass from wide receiver Willie Snead. If Hightower can keep producing even with a healthy Ingram, he can help out some of the needier fantasy owners come playoff time.

To the report…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who Are These Guys?, Week 13: Kneel Before Zod

November 30, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 19 Comments

by: malamoney

Being that the kind people at Razzball have given me a soapbox, if you will, to share with you all the thoughts that swim within my head, I thought I’d take advantage of said opportunity to rant. If you can bear with me for a few sentences I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming and, as I do on a weekly basis, tender my slightly above average fantasy football advice. And when I say “average” I really mean “mediocre”. And when I say “mediocre” what I REALLY mean is “fvcking awesome”. Okay, so perhaps I’m reaching for the proverbial stars, but why not. After all, I could probably give you crap advice and many of you would still be happy. Stealing a quote from Negan, I could be inclined to say “I just slid my d*ck down your throat and you thanked me”. But that’s not how I roll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Working the Wire, Week 13: Gotta Say I Told You So

November 29, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Waiver Wire | 37 Comments

by: M@

This could go one of two ways. That smug look on Colbert above is one trajectory: pride. Last week’s Working the Waiver, beyond featuring a GIF and link to perhaps the funniest six minutes on the internet (thank you, Eastbound and Down), couldn’t have been more accurate. Okay, fine, it could have been without the Tajae Sharpe egg, but seriously…you could/should have rostered every name on there. But instead of puffing up my #dadbod chest for the masses to gawk over (eat your heart out, Tehol), the prevailing emotion is the second option: desperation. Seriously, I ain’t to proud to beg.

It’s Week 13. For all you non-math majors, that’s a bakers dozen. And in the fantasy world, you know what that means: One. More. Week. It’s the final week before playoffs begin. If you’re still reading this I assume you’re in the race for a playoff spot. And if you’re not, well…you’re the best kind of person. Thank you. Keep fighting even though the ship is now sunk (I’m doing this in a staff league. Gotta get as many points as possible to make my case that fantasy football involves incredible luck. Fourth most points in a 14-team league but miss the playoffs? Wasn’t my fault.). So, as we prep our playoff rosters, there are plenty of targets to either deepen your bench or shore up your FLEX spot. And guess what? A lot of the names are the EXACT same as last week. I TOLD YOU SO! Pick them up! I beg of you.

Here are the top targets to, well…target heading into Week 13!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit it or Quit It, Week 13: Cruz-ing for a Loss

November 29, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 2 Comments

by: Jennifer

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - AUGUST 09: Wide receiver Victor Cruz #80 of the New York Giants looks on prior to a preseason game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at MetLife Stadium on August 9, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Alex Trautwig/Getty Images)

Well, here we are ladies and gentlemen, convicts and inmates, perverts and peepers, Week 13 of the 2016 Fantasy Football season. This also marks my last article for the year as many of you will be on your own as the season winds down. I hope that you will all be able to manage without my weekly doses of awesomeness until next Fall, but many of you continue to have masturbation shrines to me in your basements, so it’ll be like I never left. How are we doing? Me, I have about three out of five leagues where I still have a shot at taking home the Shiva thanks to the waiver wire, some good old-fashioned voodoo, and a couple of human sacrifices. Let’s just say, Jobu has had more than a few refills this year, but hey, whatever works, right? Now that we are down to the wire, there are some really slim pickin’s on many of the waiver wires and my Black Widow Curse continues to feast on man-flesh, but on the bright side, she is also allowing some people to make it back from oblivion and certain doom, so there is a silver lining, I suppose. Let’s see what magic I can work for you this week and give you that extra fluffing to boldly make that erect march into your 2016 Fantasy League stardom. Without further ado, I give you the last 2016 edition of Hit it or Quit it…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is Westworld On Yet?

November 28, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 113 Comments

by: Jay

While the Chargers fan in me wanted this Sunday Night Football game to be a lazy Father’s Day gift (a tie!), the football fan in me just wanted to do a bit of scouting on Tony Romo’s new team next season. But it was hard to do either with the most boring first half of a football game in the history of the NFL, since last Thursday. Though drinking games usually help, instead, to match the theme of this weekend, I went with an eating game. If a first down happened, I ate turkey, and if not, ham. Worked out pretty well, I have to say. And don’t get me wrong, there were some positives last night. Al Michaels’ continued sabbatical is one. (Kinda like February in Palm West, because it’s all about an old man drying out.) There was… okay, so there was one positive. Which really wasn’t a positive at all with Cris Collinsworth trying to speak with Roger Goodell’s balls in his mouth. Just remember, the NFL flexed this game because they honestly thought that it would be more entertaining than the Jets and Patriots. Which would have been futile anyways, unless they happened to flex Westworld instead…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Games Live Thread, Week 12

November 27, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 69 Comments

by: Jay

So this is it my friends, quite possibly the last fantasy regular season week we’ll spend together… until we all do this again next year. And seeing as how we are celebrating the holidays with relatives who know about as much as brining a turkey (want to know why the turkey is so dry? Because you need to brine it folks…) as they do politics, football is a nice recompense. Well, that along with copious amounts of alcohol. But in that spirit, I’d like to thank all my contributors and staff writers, because without you, this place would just be all Jay all the time. And if you guy’s know anything, you never go full Jay. So in no particular order, special thanks to Tehol Beddict, Alex Lee, Matt Bowe, Zach, Dominic Hall, Mike Honcho, Stan Son, Mike Maher, malamoney, Matt Hayes, Lance, and Rudy Gamble, who handles so many things on the back-end (that’s what she said) of the site. And I’d also, while I’m at it, thank you, the readers and community. Obviously, without all of you, we wouldn’t be here… I mean, Tehol would be here, but if Tehol writes of his love for Andre Ellington and no one reads it, did it really happen?

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections for Week 12 by clicking here. Tehol’s rankings can be found here. And as always, my updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Deep Impact, Week 12: Malcolm Down the Middle

November 26, 2016 | 2016 Deep Leagues, 2016 Fantasy Football | 2 Comments

by: Alex Lee

Nov 20, 2016; Santa Clara, CA, USA; New England Patriots wide receiver Malcolm Mitchell (19) after a play against the San Francisco 49ers during the third quarter at Levi's Stadium. The New England Patriots defeated the San Francisco 49ers 30-17. Mandatory Credit: Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s Deep Impact! This is going to be a short one as I recover from my two Thanksgiving feasts (just one of the many benefits of growing up as a child of divorce). As my arteries course with gravy, allow me to share some players that I’m thankful are available in less than 10% of Yahoo leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?