The Handcuff Report – The Payoff Special

Did you see that? Did you like what I did there? I used Payoff instead of Playoff as a means to be PUNy. *squeezes horn* Yeah, I’m not very funny, the baby’s mama said most people laugh at me instead of with me. Funny I never got that til I met Sky a couple months back. I’m also not very happy right now. I have missed the playoffs almost everywhere, have tried kicking out the stool about a half dozen times and have also drank enough tequila to get the city of Guadalajara drunk. But hey, my therapist says I need to be more optimistic, so I fired him. Why be happy for myself when I can instead be happy for all 12 of you and hopefully help you to playoff gold. My only way to a championship is by living vicariously through my 12 readers. I love you 11 guys and Prezzi. So here’s what were doing here. I’m giving you names to stash, like I did two weeks ago, in the hope they get some play in week 16 or 17 because their teams (real life) are playoff bound and don’t want to injure the starter or are auditioning for next years production of football. To see my last list click here

Here’s how it works:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Learn more about our 2024 Fantasy Football Subscriptions!

The best blend of accurate and bold weekly projections for QB/RB/WR/TE + PK + Defensive Teams and IDP as well as a kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!

Sawbones Scribings Week 14 – Should Rodgers Return?

by: Andrew Nordmeier

We’re coming down to the last week of the regular season in most leagues and the first week of the playoffs in others. Hopefully you have your playoff spot wrapped up and are planning your path to postseason glory.

But Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers (collarbone) shouldn’t be a part of those plans. He practiced yesterday for the first time in the month since he suffered his collarbone injury against the Bears. Matt Flynn is expected to get the start this week against Atlanta at Lambeau Field.

If you’re hanging on to the hopes of having Rodgers for the playoffs, don’t. The Packers are 0-4-1 without him this season and his absence has dragged down the values of the Green Bay wide receivers. At 5-6-1 their only real chance of trying to make the playoffs is to win the NFC North. They have virtually no shot at a wild card and losses to Philadelphia and San Francisco really hurt their chances in that regard.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Confessions Of A Schaubaholic

December 6, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 173 Comments

by: Sky

I know, I know, I should’ve seen this coming. I think Hunter S. Thompson put it best: ‘You can turn your back on a person but never turn your back on a drug’. I let my guard down, forgot that I was dealing with an addict. Kubiak’s passion for Matt Schaub runs deeper than THE Bruce Dickenson’s want for more cowbell. I should’ve known that he’d get the itch at some point again. How many days had it been since crazy ‘ole Kub had seen a ‘drop back and fall to the ground because I’m an immobile QB’ sack? When was the last time he got to see one of those patented stalled drives down near the goal line from his old QB flame? We all understand, Gary, you just can’t quit this man. You guys had such good times together. Like that pick-6 he threw in week 2. And then that other one he threw in week 3. Oh and do you remember that one he threw in week 4? That one was a beauty. Personally, though, I’m partial to the one he threw in week 5 that helped him set an NFL record for consecutive games with a pick 6. I mean, imagine that: your starting QB setting NFL records. That makes you proud as a coach. You can’t quit that. Not after someone has made a burger about it. No sir. You don’t care what the stats say or the energy the new QB brings to the team. You do anything and everything in your power to undermine the confidence of that young man. I mean, who does he think he is? Throwing 5 TDs in 2 games to big AJ, the guy who had 4 total in his last 20 games heading into that string. He’s…uh…just not moving the ball right that way. Gotta spread it around. We need more 5 yard bootleg passes to the TE! We can’t have plays that go for more than 10 yards. What’s the fun in that? That’s not Schaub-style football, dammit! Dear Gary Kubiak, consider this lead paragraph my love song to you in the swan song that is your career as the Houston Texans coach. Please note I typed it only using two fingers, both of them middle. In other fantasy news from week 14’s Thursday Night Football contest…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Weekly IDP Rankings: Week Fourteen For 2013 Fantasy Football

December 5, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 23 Comments

by: Kevin Kumpf

If you’re still reading this then congratulations, you made the playoffs. Or you’re in one of those weird leagues that includes Week 17. Or you’re bored at work and can’t get enough IDP talk. But, other than that last group, if you’re here then you can’t afford to waste any time with fluff before getting to the good stuff. So let’s get right into the Week 14 IDP action…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bet the Farm: NFL Week 14 Betting Contest

December 5, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Bet The Farm | 13 Comments

by: Josh Carey

Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:

You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join in any week.
You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players with two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.

Standings After Week 13:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Weekly Rankings: He Went (Crawling Back) To Jared

December 5, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 233 Comments

by: Sky

It’s been a few weeks where this has been the case but it takes a rankings week like this to be firmly reminded: the TE position seems to always start with so much promise and seemingly ends in pain for about 75% of the league. Remember when Jordan Cameron couldn’t be stopped? Remember when Jordan Reed was gonna make up for when he was? Remember when we thought Gronk would be back week 4 so we picked up Rob Housler cuz it didn’t really matter what your TE did for a few weeks? Fun times…wait no it wasn’t. TE has turned back into a cess pool and we need no firmer a reminder than Jared Cook. Cook is still 14th in total fantasy points in PPR leagues at his position. To put that number in perspective, after his week one explosion for 7/141/2 against the Cardinals he seemed like the stud we’ve all been dreaming of. Now fast forward to week 14 and that game still represents 30% of his total fantasy points production on the year. Woof. And speaking of Jordan Cameron, he’s still 4th among TEs in total fantasy points in the same setting and we all know he’s done nothing since week forever ago at this point. But with all this pain, there is a nice silver lining: you’re in the playoffs if you’re reading this so you made it through the slog and to add to your joys, there’s probably a streamable TE near you for this first week. Wanna know who I’m talking about at this point? Hint: I bolded his name a few sentences ago. Jared gets to face the same team he torched week one in the Cardinals, a team that just gave up a 5/68/2 line to Zach Ertz. You’re just gonna have to face the fact that Jared is gonna be a better play this week than most known names and I’ve ranked him accordingly. Don’t worry, you can throw him away like the used condom you accidentally stepped on barefoot this morning. You need to work on your trash can aim, bro…but if you’re sitting there with a bad matchup for your TE who’s not Gronk or Graham, Cook should be a great grab for this week. Outside of that, I also like Martellus more than others do and someone is gonna have to explain to me why the Bengals at home against the Colts isn’t a sweet matchup. Am I the only one who’s noticed how bad the Colts have been? Wins be damned, this is not a good squad and not a huge challenge for opposing defenses right now. Torrey Smith: I toldja I liked him for the playoff stretch and I put my money where my mouth is even though every one tells you that is just not hygienically sound to do. Look a little further down beyond top 10 WRs and you see some surprises. Andre Holmes? What can I say, I’m a believer. Jacoby Jones? What’s good for the Torrey Goose is good for the Dancer. Julian Edelman? They’re not putting Joe Haden on him and if they are…well, then crap that was a really bad call. Mike Glennon and Matt McGloin are hovering up near the top 12 just asking to be let in but I am the fantasy gatekeeper and say YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Still, good plays this week if you’re a Luck owner. Kickers were selectively lined up – naked and blindfolded – in an interrogation room where they were forced at gunpoint to listen to Barry Manilow. Only those who survived made the list. But enough about the kicker inquisition, let’s get this game rolling. Here’s your week 14 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 14 Players to Play/Avoid: No Luck

December 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Rush & Pass Strategy | 62 Comments

by: Loudon

It’s playoff time for many fantasy leagues and that means every game counts just a little bit more than it did before. For players like Adrian Peterson, a tough matchup against Baltimore doesn’t mean you should sit him, but it does mean you may want to look at your other positions and consider that boom or bust option over the guaranteed 6-8 point play.

Riley Cooper, for instance, is in a great matchup against Detroit and has all kinds of potential for a huge game (see: weeks 9 and 10). However, the past two weeks, Foles has been looking elsewhere. Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker and Wes Welker are likely safer options thanks to Manning throwing them the ball, but against Tennessee’s unbelievably consistent pass defense, their chances for a score are minimal. Therefore, when faced with that kind of decision in a playoff scenario, Cooper might just be your ticket to the final 4.

Roddy White and Harry Douglas are similar plays this week. After White’s fantastic 10 catches for 143 yards, I think it’s safe to say he’s feeling better, but Douglas is equally capable of a big week and Matt Ryan can’t throw to both of them on every down. Still, if faced with the choice between either Atlanta receiver against Green Bay or someone like Julian Edelman who has been great the past two weeks, but could start to see some extra coverage when Cleveland comes to town, White and Douglas offer higher ceilings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Always Use Nick’s Advice – Start Josh Gordon Every Week!

December 4, 2013 | DraftKings | 8 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

DraftKings is back! And after a week where I indeed followed Nick’s advice in playing Josh Gordon, I had a really solid outing but still not the top spot in my normal $2 Fantasy Millionaire Qualifier. I still need my ticket! Week 17 is only three weeks away now, with the WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE less than a month out. I need my fantasy sports Christmas Bonus! I need to buy myself a treadmill with all this holiday eating… I’m feeling like Willis McGahee out there! Damn, so many Browns references… Next we’ll start talking Tim Couch!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thinking Forward – Jacoby Good

December 4, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Thinking Forward | 128 Comments

by: Sky

Well, he ain’t from down in Louisiana close to New Orleans. Then again, he might be. Didn’t read the bio. This is fantasy, not A Football Life. We don’t care if Jacoby Jones is from near Lake Titicaca, we just care that he has an awesome Sunday for us. Or Monday. Or sometimes Thursday. Anyone think we’ll eventually just have football on 7 days a week? I think they’ve expanded college football to pretty much every day but Tuesday and Wednesday at this point. Not that I’m complaining, of course, just wanted to know I’m not the only one seeing this trend. Speaking of trends, sometimes they’re your friend. Well, not the kind you can borrow money from or go to the bar with but a friend nonetheless. The trend I speak of is the Detroit Lions secondary and how it just loves to give up points to secondary receivers for teams. Let’s ignore Green Bay’s passing debacle and look back at a few secondary receivers who’ve benefited from facing the Lions in the last few weeks. Week 12 saw Tiquan Underwood drop a 3/108/2 line on them. Week 11 saw a healthy line of 3/48/1 from Cotchery. Week 9 saw a 2/64/1 line from Terrance Williams of the Cowboys. Ok, with all this good can we stamp him as a must play for week 15? Nah, of course not. But your team needs force you into strange positions sometimes. Hopefully not the lotus blossom…fantasy football isn’t THAT kind of fantasy. But if you need a nice gamble at flex or WR3 for week 15, Jones could be the Jacoby of all trades for you. Hrm, or free agent pickups I guess. But that doesn’t flow off the wordpress tongue quite as well. But enough about tongues, strange positions and Underwood, let’s move along and see who else is a good pick up for week 15 of 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Razzball Football Podcast – The One Where We Bring Everyone Together

December 3, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Razzball Podcast |

by: JB Gilpin

After a fantastic holiday where all of us at Razzball got out of the office to see our families, we’re back and bringing all three of the main hosts together with Nick letting JayWrong and I develop our never-ending man love. I’ll set you up with someone, I promise! Then we develop our idea for a Razzball get-together in DC/dating ritual for our boy Jay. This week we also talk playoff strategy and where we think Josh Gordon will be drafted next year. Some leagues start playoffs this week, others have one regular season game left, so good luck in week 14 in your march to the finals!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jam it or Cram it: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Playoffs (But Were Afraid to Ask)

December 3, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Strategy, Waiver Wire | 61 Comments

by: The Guru

With our fake football season winding down you are either in the playoffs, positioning yourself for the sprint to the Shiva or crying Knowshon Moreno tears because you drafted Aaron Rodgers and Arian Foster. Need a hug? If you are in, congratulations. All those hours spent researching, analyzing stats and ignoring the family paid off. Cheers, I raise my whiskey glass to you. If you are out, all those hours spent researching, analyzing stats and ignoring the family were for naught. And your wife just served the divorce papers. There’s nothing like spending Christmas with your best friend Johnny Walker at the Motel 6. For those playoff bound, it is no time to quit it with the chronic rosterbating. Don’t worry you won’t go blind, but you may need glasses. It is however, time to stop taking chances on the “upside” guys. But Guru, doesn’t Ace Anders have a lot of potential. Yeah, I know disembodied voice of Razzball Nation, but potential is one thing in Week 3, it is quite another as we head into the playoffs. Stick with your consistent ballers, that’s who got you here. I only need one defense, right Mr. Turban? Well, my fellow Razzballer, if you are one of those that doesn’t own the Seattle or Carolina defense, don’t stop streaming the D now. Find the best matchup for the week and look ahead to the next few weeks. If you have roster room, pick up the defenses that have the best matchups going forward, i.e., any team facing the Jags or the Jets. If you don’t have room for three defenses, drop the dead weight off your roster. Trent Richardson isn’t going to turn into AP anytime soon. Whattabout kicker’s? Grab three of those, too? Don’t get all crazy now, Taco. One kicker will do, just make sure he’s on a high scoring team, plays in dome or has a good weather matchup. But, o wise guru, there’s nothing good on the waiver wire. Not true, my playoff bound friend. Just choose wisely. That’s why I’m here. The fake footballin’ championship is within your grasp and all the glory, bragging rights, cash and prizes are there for the taking. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Football Update: Week 13

December 3, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Commenter Leagues, Razzball Writers League | 14 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

2013 RCL Football Only one week of regular season action is left! That means two weeks, yes “TWO WEEKS!” (thanks Total Recall lady) and you’ll know who has made the finals. Where did the season go? Just flew right on by… Unfortunately for me, it’s looking like only the Writer’s League team will be a playoff contender and finish anywhere close to the top of the RCL table. You can check out the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.

RCL Top Scorer TOP SCORER: A big “HIP HIP HOORAY!” for The White Broncos in the Razzball Rebels league who put up a whopping 217.42 points this week to crush the RCL field. Led be a ridiculous Elway/Decker combo this week plus getting the big Alshon game put the Broncs on the mantle, etched in RCL stone for all eternity! Nice work! The big points has the Broncos a very good shot at making the playoffs despite being 5th in the standings right now, while another win for Poon Jab has them at 10-3 and leading the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?