As for the ladies, GOB means something gifted. The first two letters spell GO but the last one is something different, wait, what? of course it’s different….different good, the B stands for you been going Big… Ok, no more hack rappin on the Razz… Have you ever known that hot chick that was dating down for the longest time? She always says, “he will turn his life around” and “you don’t see what I see”. For the latter I hope I never see that guy naked. Well the Bengals are that hot chick and they just don’t see what we all see: That GOB – or Giovani Bernard as you know him – is a stud waiting patiently, flashing his “I’m better than the Law Firm skills” every week and trying to get exclusive with the Bengals. I don’t want you all thinking that BenJarvis Green Ellis is a dud, but he is the complementary back to Giovanni and not the other way around. I chose to highlight GOB this week for a few reasons 1) this might be the last time I write about GOB 2) I’m crushing on him like Grey on Giancarlo (must be the sexy Italian names) and owning him nowhere 3) there is no three, oh wait here it is in my back pocket, he’s a top ten back in Yahoo and not 100% owned. If he’s not owned, then grab him, if the league is too small for him to be owned then get in a bigger league or play draft kings with our 7 foot biscuit pimp. Before I get to my ranks, I just watched a commercial for fries on a burger and have noticed lately they sell burritos with fries inside at a few select fast food joints. Is it just me or does this seem borderline ridiculous? Yes, I like fries in my food, but I want to do it myself and feel special for doing it. Don’t cheap up my special things fast food empire!
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Targets and Touches: Antonio Brown Goes Liberace On Bears
September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 59 Commentsby: LT Murray IV
My buzz is crazy in the hood, they holler my name. If it ain’t about the writing, it’s about the stones and the wang. Greetings! Tis I, your beloved Tehol Beddict, returning yet again to give you a rundown on this past week’s targets and touches that stood out in this mind of mine that’s been referred to as beautiful, a la John Nash. I haven’t yet received my Nobel Prize but one day, with your continued support and recognition, that day will surely come. I know what you’re thinking; ” In comparing Antonio Brown to Liberace, Beddict is saying Brown went balls deep into a plethora of young men who are employed by the Chicago Bears.” Come on now people. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m simply referring to the flash and pizazz Brown displayed in making one incredible play after another against the highly rated Bears secondary. What Brown does off the field is none of my business. Brown exploded with 9 receptions for 196 yards and 2 TD’s on 13 targets. Now, we’ve all been waiting for Brown to explode like a lactose intolerant Rosie O’Donnell after a 31 flavors binge, and he rewarded his owners in an extreme manner. Brown is far and away the superior wideout on Pittsburgh and I expect him to average around 100 yards receiving for the remainder of the season. If you want to disagree with me, go ahead. Just be aware that I may go Liberace on you and I’m not talking speaking of flash and pizazz if you catch my drift. Here’s what else caught my lovely eyes this past weekend. Take Heed!
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Frankly My Dear, I Couldn’t Give A Gore
September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 231 Commentsby: Sky
I had the audacity…nay, the paucity (not really a good word to use here but it kinda works)…better yet the ignorancy (not a really real word at all) to go and rank Frank Gore 22nd overall amongst fantasy running backs this week in my Weekly Rankings. After finishing last week with a decent number and the complaining that he did in the days leading up to tonight, I should’ve known my ranking would come back to haunt me. Mike Wallace did it, I had been warned. Or was that the ghost of Gore from years past *faintly heard in the distance is Frank screeching I’m not dead yet!*. Whatever the culprit, Gore dropped upon his fantasy owners a much needed boost for his believers, carrying the load for 153 yards on the ground on 20 carries with a touchdown and a lone, measly you’re not gonna lose your week because of it fumble on the night. It was very much vintage Gore. And that’s why I still strongly encourage the sell. I used the word vintage for a reason, ya know. Look, tonight’s game aside, he’s brought you 47 yards a game and only one TD. Great for a flex but not so great if he’s one of your main backs you rely on from week to week. I would use this game and last week’s 82 rushing yards vs a very inferior rushing opponent as a springboard to bigger and better things in your league. As much as I love Gore, he’s just not the RB2 we were looking for. In other news for 2013 Fantasy Football…
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Weekly IDP Rankings: Week Four For 2013 Fantasy Football
September 26, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 17 Commentsby: Kevin Kumpf
The problem with defensive studs, compared to their offensive counterparts, is that the better they are, the less likely they are to rack up stats. Defensive Linemen get double-teamed, Linebackers get run away from, and Defensive Backs are avoided like the plague by smart QBs. This effect limited Dontari Poe, Zach Brown, and Patrick Peterson […]
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Bet the Farm: NFL Week 4 Betting Contest
September 26, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Bet The Farm | 28 Commentsby: Josh Carey
Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules: You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Weekly Rankings: Time To Play Romo-Shambo In San Diego
September 26, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 329 Commentsby: Sky
What’s the most important rule to the game of Roshambo? Always go first. If you haven’t learned that one yet, talk with a friend about playing and ask to go second. You’ll learn quickly. Wanna know what else you can learn quickly? That the Chargers defense isn’t very good in the secondary. Wanna know how bad they’ve been? First off, they’ve given up the most passing yards to opposing teams this year with 1,022. Yes, they’re beating out the Eagles and the Redskins in that race to the bottom stat so far. Hard to believe, but they actually gave up a near 300 yard passing game to Jake Locker at 299. Locker has 572 total passing yards on the year including that game. You do the math and you’ll find the anomaly pretty quickly there. So for this reason and for A-Rod and Cam out on bye weeks, I have Tony Romo as my third best QB right behind Brees. I don’t see why he can’t treat his owners to his own 300 yard passing game and, say, 2 or 3 TDs. As they say in San Diego, ‘60% of the time, it works every time’ to which Jaywrong usually responds in Burgundese. Outside of Tony, I’m seeing the ‘you’re crazy’ markers next to my Tannehill and Dalton rankings via ECR. That also applies to my Moreno call but I think he’ll play better rock, paper, scissors this week I guess. Apparently my Chris Givens love never dies either and somehow Rod Streater is gonna blow up this week according to my rankings as well. And apparently I’m the only one who’s figured out that the SF defense hasn’t been good for a while now as I’ve moved them down to ‘take’um or leave’um’ territory down by the Texans. I don’t know what my kickers look like, you’ll have to tell me. I have 1,000 trained mice whom I have picking grains of rice out of a bag with names like ‘Walsh’ and ‘Hartley’ on them. It’s a complicated process but at least it’s a process! More time spent on them than other ‘perts, most likely, to say the least. But enough fluff, on with the show. Here’s your week 4 rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football Season…
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Week 3 Players to Play/Avoid: Plenty of Broyle-ing Points
September 25, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Rush & Pass Strategy | 72 Commentsby: Loudon
Poor Nate Burleson. Just when you think he’s going to be a consistent fantasy producer, he goes and breaks his arm in a car crash. That’s incredibly sad news for him and his fantasy owners, but those of us who have been keeping our fingers crossed for good things from Ryan Broyles have a lot to look forward to. The Bears have not been particularly good covering wide receivers so far this year so look for Broyles to have a great day. Calvin Johnson is, of course, a must start.
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DraftKings – Start Fresh With Unlimited Second Chances
September 25, 2013 | DraftKings | 40 Commentsby: JB Gilpin
Week 3 was such a see-saw for me. Like a Roseanne Barr vs. Vince Wilfork see-saw. On the one hand, my Panthers had probably the most shocking win so far this season after that Giants beat down, especially since the Giants beat us 36-7 last year. That’s a see-saw right there! Then my writer’s league team moved to 3-0. On the flip side, my long-time dynasty league had probably my worst week in over 10 years and my DraftKings picks, well, sorry…
But whilst real life hath few second chances, DraftKings gives you a blank slate, a fresh start, a new set of wings. Because every time Colin Kaepernick sucks it up, an angel loses its wings. I kid Kappy! I was just hoping he would favorite that too…
Please, blog, may I have some more? Shop Smart, Shop D Mart
September 25, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 314 Commentsby: Sky
Bruce Campbell has become one of those rare actors where people have simply asked him to play ‘Bruce Campbell’. Very few actors can pull this off and make a career out of it. Only other one that comes to mind right now is Christopher Walken. Can they play dramatic roles? Sure but even while Christopher Walken told you about 5 long years of your daddy wearing his watch up his ass, it was Walken telling you. You reach that stage of caricature only a few times with actors and Bruce Campbell is that guy. He plays the smug, badass hero. I mean, there’s a movie called ‘My Name Is Bruce‘, people. Yes, he plays a smug bad-ass like only Bruce Campbell can. Why all this talk of caricatures and playing yourself? Well, one, I’m quoting Army of Darkness for my title and any chance I get to talk about that movie, I make sure and take advantage of. Two, for all the things that Doug Martin has not been this year – superstar in the stats department – he’s still been the 12th best running back off the board in PPR leagues. Though he’s been minimally involved in the passing to date – only 4 receptions – he’s second in the NFL in rushing yardage. You could say he’s a caricature of a star running back because no one is taking him seriously. He’s just there, producing but not wowing anyone. Oh hey, there’s another 100 total yards of offense from Dougie Fresh. Psssh, big deal, seen that before. You see, he’s been productive but not blow you out of the water productive. Now I know there’s a lot of fears going around Tampa Bay right now. The team is considered on death’s door. But that hasn’t stopped them from keeping Martin involved as he leads the NFL in rushing attempts. As the pundits currently say, Martin’s gonna eat. I don’t even really know what that means but I understand it to be a positive. So check in and see if Martin owners are fed up with his solid but unspectacular performance to date. Then when he goes off at the end of the year you can say, ‘Hail to the King, Baby’. God I love that movie. And Bruce Campbell. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…
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Jam it or Cram it: Powell Powers Hot Tub Time Machine
September 24, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 173 Commentsby: The Guru
Greetings Razzballer’s, before we run down the jammer crammer’s that could save your fantasy season, please join your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru in the Fantasy Hot Tub Time Machine as we take a short spin through the space-time continuum back to the year 1962. *wavy lines wavy lines* What the hell’s going on here? Hey, look out for that iceberg! Oh, it’s 1912, my bad. I’m king of the world! *more wavy lines* I want to welcome you all to the King’s X Cocktail Bar in Oakland, California. Grab a Manhattan and watch as three Mad Men types – Raiders part-owner Wilfred “Bill” Winkenbach, Raiders “public relation” guy Bill Tunnell and reporter Scotty Stirling – create something that will frustrate and anger all of us for the next 50 years…Fantasy Football. Anytime you combine a wealthy owner with a private dick, a headline fabricator and a pitcher of Tom Collins’ “brilliant” ideas are bound to spring up. Thus, that’s how the Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League turned into this frustrating game we devote more time and energy to than it actually deserves. Now raise a glass to Bill and the boys, lay a few sawbucks on the ’62 Packers and get your fanny perpendiculars back in the hot tub. *yet more wavy lines* It’s time to jam it or cram it.
Please, blog, may I have some more? RCL Football Update: Week 3
September 24, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Commenter Leagues, Razzball Writers League | 31 Commentsby: JB Gilpin
Another great week of RCL action has wrapped up, as the undefeated herd thins with fewer 0-loss teams. If you still haven’t taken a gander yet, we’ve got the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.
TOP SCORER: In a slightly down week of scoring across RCLs, Puttin on the Fitz of the Rancho Rajneesh topped the RCL field with 187.84 points and crushing the other 299 teams. Nice work Fitz! Crazy as that is, he even had Daryl Richardson put up a zero in his flex, but with no other double-digit scorers on his bench, he wouldn’t have topped 200 anyway. The Matt Prater game last night shot Fitz into the RCL lead by only 0.22 points! Led by huge weeks from Antonio Brown, DeMarco Murray and Jimmy Graham, all common players on top teams this week, Fitz moves to 2-1 and second in the league. With another big week, ReadOptionForDummies moves into second overall in the RCL standings at 3-0. It should be a tough battle between those two for supremacy atop the Rajneesh!
Manning Was Pey’ns-Takingly Accurate
September 24, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 232 Commentsby: Sky
There are certain things in life you can’t predict. When the market will drop like it did in 2009, when the Middle East will find peace like it did in never, and when we will find out what Foxes say. If you can solve this mystery, Unca Scooge, you might rewrite history or so Ducktales taught us long ago. One thing that history has taught us and that we can predict is that as long as Peyton isn’t too old to throw the football, he’s gonna be a monster. After spending most of the night having as many incompletions as he did touchdowns, Peyton Manning finished with 3 touchdowns on 32/37 passing for 374 passing yards and his first turnover of the season on a sack/fumble combo. Sure, it wasn’t the night of ages like his 7 touchdowns to start the season but with this game in the books, Peyton is now on pace for 4496 passing yards, 64 passing touchdowns and ZERO int. I put that in caps so you didn’t miss it. Manning at 37 has the best receiving crew he’s ever had surrounding him his entire career and he’s taking full advantage at this point. I ranked him in the Matt Ryan tier behind guys like Russell Wilson, RG3 and Cam Newton. Don’t ask, I must’ve been reading too much into the read option. The ‘he can’t keep this pace’ argument isn’t valid. We know that and we’re not expecting it. But could he pass for 50 TDs this year? Very possible. This is a Bronco team on a mission and Peyton is leading the charge. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…
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