The Guru

Jam it or Cram it: Rockin’ the Razzball Lounge

October 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 104 Comments

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Before we get to jamming and cramming the waiver wonders that could win your week, I want to welcome you all to the Razzball Lounge, my fantasy friends. The lounge is the place where we Razzball scribes come to kick back, relax, trash talk and cry in our boilermakers. Fantasy seasons have been won and lost in this dimly lit dump and now that the stench of stale beer and fantasy baseball has been washed away, it’s time to for us fantasy footballers to take over. Rip down that Mike Trout Fathead and make room for this life size pic of Gronk. Here in the lounge we find Sky cutting up old magazines as he creates a “love letter” to Doug Martin that will land him with a restraining order later in the week, “YoU’Re DeAd To mE, mUScLe hAmStEr!!” At the jukebox we find JayWrong in his Dan Fouts throwback dropping quarters as he plays “Stairway to Heaven” over and over, “Hey guys, you really should pick up Philip Rivers.” *bottle smashes above head* At the bar demanding another Labatt’s is our resident podcast host Nick, “The greatest football team will always be the Toronto Argonauts.” *throws up on shoes* Locked in the ladies room with this sweet honey is the one and only Tehol who is about to make a big discovery, “Whatever happens in the Razzball Lounge stays in the Razzball Lounge, right guys??” And standing here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru. *closes eye, aims cue, sinks 8-ball off three rails, downs flaming shot, accidentally lights turban on fire* “It’s time to jam it or cram it. What’s that smell?”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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JB Gilpin

RCL Football Update: Week 4

October 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Commenter Leagues, Razzball Writers League | 22 Comments

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2013 RCL FootballWeek 4 of RCL action is in the books, and it was a big scoring week with the big outputs from the Prime Time games, so a lot of teams have made big strides in climbing up the leader board.  If you still haven’t taken a gander yet, we’ve got the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.

RCL Top ScorerTOP SCORER: Well it was a heart stopper indeed with the Heart Stoppers crushing the RCL ecosystem this week from the Hernandez Hit Men league, putting up 217.02 points in an epic week amongst elite weeks.  A team featuring Brees, Gonzo, Foster, is always going to have a chance to score it big, but it was the surprise big game from Nate Washington and the solid streaming move of the Colts D against the Jags that put the Stoppers over the top(pers).  Despite the huge week, the Stoppers move to 2-2 and only 7th place, with scott’s Team the only undefeated squad left in the Hit Men league.  Everyone put a bounty on scott!  Congrats again Heart Stoppers for becoming an RCL legend!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Sproles Patrol!

October 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 232 Comments

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I don’t know whether this reference dates me or obscures me. Probably both. I don’t care. When a man walks on stage with Steve Martin looks and belts it like he’s Michael McDonald, he’s hard to forget. Or hard to remember? You decide. I’m making reference to none other than Taylor Hicks. Did you buy an album? No, definitely not. Were you a part of the Soul Patrol fan club? Not even close. Did you even vote for him on American Idol? What’s American Idol? Did you watch the parody of him on SNL and it just stuck with you over the years? Bingo. I’m moved by music and by comedy. Taylor is both neither and both at the same time. SOUL PATROL! Look, I can’t help it if he’s one of the funniest artists to ever win American Idol. Don’t hold that against me. So what does this have to do with Darren Sproles, you ask? Eh, nothing really. But if you need a reason, how about ‘both are good in their own field but at the same time were never expected to amount to much based on their physical makeup?’. Woah. I just made sense in a lead paragraph comparing Hicks to Sproles. My life is complete. *Logs out*. In reality, Sproles left San Diego with a question of ‘what exactly is this guy’? He’s talented, sure. He’s also good at football but we keep calling him a running back. He’s not really that. Of course, when he moved to the Saints, the reality of who he could be was realized. Sproles topped 100 receiving yards on the night for the third time in his Saints career, going for 7/114/1 through the air and even adding a ground TD on 4 for 28. Sure, he chucked in a fumble – his first as a Saint – but it’s easily forgiven on this night. Sproles is the Saints’ slot receiver in disguise and by ‘disguise’ I mean ‘hey everyone, look in the flat! It’s Sproles! Who’s covering that guy?’. Don’t know how any NFL team could forget Sproles could catch the ball but the Dolphins did tonight. Though Darren has been relatively quiet so far, he’s on pace for 1108 receiving yards and 8 TDs for the season, not to mention 92 receptions. Sometimes, it’s not about being the best at what you do, it’s about finding your niche and sticking to it. Here’s to you Taylor Hicks. May your peppered mop forever live on. In other news from Monday Night for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Nick The Podcast Host

The Razzball Podcast — The One Where Nick Had A Plan, Kinda Like The Eagles’ Defensive Coordinator

September 30, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Razzball Podcast | 7 Comments

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There was a plan today. I’d been working on it for weeks. I finally had people behind me ready to support my podcastings efforts. I had an intern. Who slept in. And JB was off today. And JayWrong showed up hungover. And Kyle the Super Producer showed up angry.

Surprisingly it turned into one of the best podcasts ever!

I filled in with the NFC notes. And JayWrong rebounded from a slow start with the AFC notes. And Sky and Murph did their usual, superb reporting. And Kyle got happy (after we spent an hour looking through the Facebook photos of the new receptionist at the radio station… so bendy! Kinda like Aaron Dobson!). And the intern was fired. Of course, it was after he did the donut run. Razzball is now hiring new interns! Anyway, here’s the Razzball Football Podcast (now with donuts):

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Jay

Sunday Night Throwball Between The New England Patriots And The Atlanta Confederates

September 30, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 17 Comments

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Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. Even with the Falcons, the first real test for the Patriots (after coasting to wins over the Bills, Jets, and Bucs) perhaps providing an allure of an interesting match-up, I doubt it was enough to prevent all of America ditching NBC for the Breaking Bad finale. My only wish is that I could have done the same thing. Don’t ever say I never did nothing for you.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

A Rivers Throws Through It

September 30, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 169 Comments

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You start the year trying to predict what a team will look like not just to start the year but over the course of it. You go off of hunches, intuition, previous year’s stats…you comb through a lot of data to try and assess just what a particular team will be able to do heading into the year. It’s never an exact science, of course, and so many factors can shape or hide a poor player or offense into something palatable. Entering into 2013, a major source of concern for the Chargers was an offensive line that was deemed one of – if not the – worst line for pass blocking and heading into 2013, there wasn’t much optimism surrounding it getting any better. Enter, stage left, Philip Rivers. A slow, pure pocket passer who had a hard time throwing the ball last year in no small part because he had a hard time staying on his feet long enough to do so. But the Chargers have made some adjustments to Rivers and his game this year and it’s allowing for some success. After his second 400 yard passing game of the year – he finished 35/42 for 402, 3 touchdowns and 1 interception – it’s clear that some of the passing game has changed for the better in San Diego. They’re using quick routes a lot more as well as dumping off to their backs in space more as well. He’s allowing his skill players to be the play makers and not relying on the deep outs as much. The VJax and DX deep route is nice but it’s not sustainable if you don’t have time to throw. After today’s game, Rivers is on pace for 4,796 passing yards and a 44:8 touchdown to interception ratio and the second most passing attempts (568) of his career. Given how erratic Mathews has played to date, I don’t see this passing trend going away. You always wonder ‘who’s going to be that near QB1 that goes undrafted or goes late a la Josh Freeman or Andy Dalton from 2012’ and you just might be seeing it. Given the schedule through week 9 (@Oak, Indy, @Jax, Bye, @Was), there’s no reason to think these Rivers can keep rolling. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Last Second Decisions – Fantasy Somnambulism

September 29, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Last Second Decisions | 160 Comments

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Happy Sunday, Razzball Nation!  If you’re like me, waking up for Sunday during football season is a morning filled with hope, dreams, optimism.  Then you go nuts in your head thinking, “what if the Panthers actually do win?”  Then they just shellac the Giants, and I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone.  Maybe because I am a fantasy nerd (all people who put “expert” after fantasy in the terminology are kidding themselves – NERDS!!!), I sometimes dream about sports – and typically about vastly skewed numbers.  What, T.Y. Hilton got 223 Yards and 4 TDs?!  Something like that.  So while my Panthers put up a scoreline that I literally couldn’t even subconsciously comprehend, I had a fantasy team in my dynasty league put up the lowest score I’ve ever had in 10+ years.  It was like being a few levels deep in Inception.  I may never make it out alive!  Save me, Leo!  Save me!

Here’s to a week where things balance back out to normal, Roddy White getting over a bum ankle, Ray Rice being able to gut it out, and everything else fantasy owners need to right their sinking ships.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
J-FOH

The Handcuff Report – You Down With GOB, Yeah You Know Me, Who’s Down With GOB, Every Last Homie

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Handcuff Report | 84 Comments

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As for the ladies, GOB means something gifted. The first two letters spell GO but the last one is something different, wait, what? of course it’s different….different good, the B stands for you been going Big… Ok, no more hack rappin on the Razz… Have you ever known that hot chick that was dating down for the longest time? She always says, “he will turn his life around” and “you don’t see what I see”. For the latter I hope I never see that guy naked. Well the Bengals are that hot chick and they just don’t see what we all see: That GOB – or Giovani Bernard as you know him – is a stud waiting patiently, flashing his “I’m better than the Law Firm skills” every week and trying to get exclusive with the Bengals. I don’t want you all thinking that BenJarvis Green Ellis is a dud, but he is the complementary back to Giovanni and not the other way around. I chose to highlight GOB this week for a few reasons 1) this might be the last time I write about GOB 2) I’m crushing on him like Grey on Giancarlo (must be the sexy Italian names) and owning him nowhere 3) there is no three, oh wait here it is in my back pocket, he’s a top ten back in Yahoo and not 100% owned. If he’s not owned, then grab him, if the league is too small for him to be owned then get in a bigger league or play draft kings with our 7 foot biscuit pimp. Before I get to my ranks, I just watched a commercial for fries on a burger and have noticed lately they sell burritos with fries inside at a few select fast food joints. Is it just me or does this seem borderline ridiculous? Yes, I like fries in my food, but I want to do it myself and feel special for doing it. Don’t cheap up my special things fast food empire!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
LT Murray IV

Targets and Touches: Antonio Brown Goes Liberace On Bears

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 59 Comments

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My buzz is crazy in the hood, they holler my name. If it ain’t about the writing, it’s about the stones and the wang. Greetings! Tis I, your beloved Tehol Beddict, returning yet again to give you a rundown on this past week’s targets and touches that stood out in this mind of mine that’s been referred to as beautiful, a la John Nash. I haven’t yet received my Nobel Prize but one day, with your continued support and recognition, that day will surely come. I know what you’re thinking; ” In comparing Antonio Brown to Liberace, Beddict is saying Brown went balls deep into a plethora of young men who are employed by the Chicago Bears.” Come on now people. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m simply referring to the flash and pizazz Brown displayed in making one incredible play after another against the highly rated Bears secondary. What Brown does off the field is none of my business. Brown exploded with 9 receptions for 196 yards and 2 TD’s on 13 targets. Now, we’ve all been waiting for Brown to explode like a lactose intolerant Rosie O’Donnell after a 31 flavors binge, and he rewarded his owners in an extreme manner. Brown is far and away the superior wideout on Pittsburgh and I expect him to average around 100 yards receiving for the remainder of the season. If you want to disagree with me, go ahead. Just be aware that I may go Liberace on you and I’m not talking speaking of flash and pizazz if you catch my drift. Here’s what else caught my lovely eyes this past weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

Frankly My Dear, I Couldn’t Give A Gore

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 231 Comments

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I had the audacity…nay, the paucity (not really a good word to use here but it kinda works)…better yet the ignorancy (not a really real word at all) to go and rank Frank Gore 22nd overall amongst fantasy running backs this week in my Weekly Rankings. After finishing last week with a decent number and the complaining that he did in the days leading up to tonight, I should’ve known my ranking would come back to haunt me. Mike Wallace did it, I had been warned. Or was that the ghost of Gore from years past *faintly heard in the distance is Frank screeching I’m not dead yet!*. Whatever the culprit, Gore dropped upon his fantasy owners a much needed boost for his believers, carrying the load for 153 yards on the ground on 20 carries with a touchdown and a lone, measly you’re not gonna lose your week because of it fumble on the night. It was very much vintage Gore. And that’s why I still strongly encourage the sell. I used the word vintage for a reason, ya know. Look, tonight’s game aside, he’s brought you 47 yards a game and only one TD. Great for a flex but not so great if he’s one of your main backs you rely on from week to week. I would use this game and last week’s 82 rushing yards vs a very inferior rushing opponent as a springboard to bigger and better things in your league. As much as I love Gore, he’s just not the RB2 we were looking for. In other news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Kevin Kumpf

Weekly IDP Rankings: Week Four For 2013 Fantasy Football

September 26, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 17 Comments

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The problem with defensive studs, compared to their offensive counterparts, is that the better they are, the less likely they are to rack up stats. Defensive Linemen get double-teamed, Linebackers get run away from, and Defensive Backs are avoided like the plague by smart QBs. This effect limited Dontari Poe, Zach Brown, and Patrick Peterson […]

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