I thought this was supposed to be the Van Jefferson and OdB fan club meetup? No? Did we get an NFT of the Steamer? Hey Donkey Teeth, why didn’t you invest in that? These kind of intros are SEO nightmares. On the one hand, Google thinks “Van Jefferson NFT” is super cool but on the other hand…Steamers. We better get into the MNF coverage before this post gets NSFW, but really, nothing could be more on-screen violence than what the 49ers did to the Rams last night. 

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When I was a kid, I traded one of my toys to my friend for a Kirby Puckett figurine — which remains the best trade I have pulled off in my life to date. I can’t even remember what I gave up, but I know it was dumb, and I have that Puckett figurine to this very day. So, in a way, you could say I’m a decades-long trade guru, pertaining to life both inside and outside the fantasy football realm. Today, we’ll focus on the latter, and I’ll detail the framework for three-potential season-changing trades you should look into making in your fantasy football league. Notice the word “framework.” While some of the players involved in these deals may be close enough in value to pursue a straight-up deal, it’s fantasy trading 101 to shoot high and then work your way down. Not ever player listed will be a one-for-one match, but evaluate where your potential trade partner has needs, and where you might be able to find common ground. I’ll break down the framework for all of these deals in each blurb, but at the end of the day, we’re looking to steal value at a particular position by moving a player with a higher positional ranking for an asset with a more promising rest-of-season outlook. Alright, let’s go find your Kirby Puckett figurine!

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Ah yes. Week 7. It’s so easy to look over this slate of games and think: “huh. This seems like a boring week”. This might be partially influenced by watching superstars Teddy Bridgewater and Case Keenum face off in an extremely boring game in Cleveland. And listen, you’re probably right. The favorites might just sweep the board and we may experience the most lopsided and dull day in NFL history. But how many times have you really seen that EVER happen? That’s right, it’s always any given Sunday, baby. 

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You could tell the Halloween spirit was in the air in our first Thursday Night Football game in October. We saw the Seattle Seahawks come out in their neon green uniforms, looking like a bunch of aliens to set the tone. Then, right on the opening kickoff, Tutu Atwell took the kick and made it about 10 yards before the ghost of Cortez Kennedy blindsided him causing him to hit the ground and fumble out of bounds with no other players around him. Before the game was over, both quarterbacks had bandages on their hands after having to mummy wrap their respective finger injuries. You knew something spooky was going on when we saw Geno Smith out there with his first real game action since 2017. We are definitely in the Halloween season!

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All right, we’ve made it through 4/18ths of the season and my pocket calculator is absolutely losing its mind. Now that Anthony Miller has been dropped by the Houston Texans and his impending team change will absolutely shake the NFL to its core and bring in a legion of lawyers to inquire about the fairness of having such a talent just walking to another team, it’s time to assess the quality of your fantasy football team. That’s where we come into play. Come and check your head and see if we can get some good players on your team! 

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When I last bought a CD, my face was covered in acne and I was rocking an all-maroon sweat suit and some kind of hybrid between a mullet and the infamous pretty boy Bieber-do. The year is unknown, but I strolled into the local pharmacy (this is truly where I bought my blank CDs) and perused the isles for a stack of CD-RWs to burn some Fall Out Boy and Yellowcard onto. Now, as I’m writing this week’s buy/sell column, I can still hear the lyrics, “Dance, dance… We’re falling apart to half time…” echoing in my head. For CeeDee Lamb’s fantasy owners, those lyrics hit at another level this past weekend, as the Cowboys’ star wideout was held without a single catch in the first half of Dallas’ Week 4 game against the Carolina Panthers. Lamb ultimately finished with two catches for just 13 yards, ranking outside of the top-45 fantasy wide receivers for the second-consecutive week. That, my friends, gives us the perfect buy-low window heading into a Week 5 matchup with the Giants. For Lamb, a player who was averaging 12 targets through Week 2 of the campaign and has the luxury of one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL in Dak Prescott at his disposal, it’s nearly impossible to imagine his stock getting any lower at any point this fantasy season. So, yes — in a world where even iPods have become obsolete, I am telling you to go out and buy some CeeDees. As many as you can, and quickly — because there’s no telling how long this product will even be on the shelves. Damn you, corporate America and your painful production delays! We should have never outsourced semiconductors in the first place. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

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Another new day is upon us, folks. Another beautiful weekend of NFL football, another week of eating chicken wings and slamming brews while enjoying a real sport instead of some European nonsense like smelling gross cheese and discussing feelings. Or whatever those degenerates do over there. Could we be more blessed? Well, yeah. Your players could be healthy and your teams could be playing well but instead, here we are! 

 So let’s get into the latest injury news and updates for Week 4!

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Two weeks down, a whole bunch more to go folks! So don’t worry about being too overreactive when… Wait how many players are injured? This is just like week 2 last year? This is what happens when you shorten the preseason? Well, that changes things.

Maybe it is overreaction time, eh?

Here’s your weekly round-up of all those poor souls we’ve lost; all the hurting ankles, knees, toes, and groins (heh) you could ever ask for. Buckle up because this is a big one. 

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back to discuss the happenings from week 2 and look forward into week 3, AND BEYOND. We start with some Justin Fields talk as he takes the starting job for DA BEARS. 

The guys take a look at some of the more confusing time shares in fantasy football. What to do with messy RB situations like Dallas, LA Rams, and Baltimore. We also look into the WR groups for the Rams, Ravens, Vikings, 49ers, and Broncos. The guys also spend about 20 minutes discussing Tyler Lockett and the consistency of WRs week to week. Ryder die this week!

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I promise I am not going to lead every waiver wire article in with a Jurassic Park reference, although there is enough material to do so. We had a lot of John Hammond’s in the fantasy football universe last week “sparing no expense” when it came to San Francisco running back Elijah Mitchell. Bids of a full 100% of FAAB (free agent acquisition budget) were not just uncommon, they were the standard. Not since Woody Harrelson took one million dollars from Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal has a monetary for goods exchange left someone feeling so cheated. Well, it wasn’t so terrible, 7.3 PPR fantasy points isn’t atrocious. Mitchell seems to have held onto the job with the entire backfield in San Francisco, and possibly the training staff too, getting injured on Sunday. Let’s hope it works out for those who did end up spending a lot. Just remember, this isn’t Brewster’s Millions. You don’t need to spend every penny of your FAAB right away to risk losing it all. Spend up when you need a player and make competitive bids when you want a player. There is nothing worse than needing to put IOUs in a Samsonite briefcase to salvage your season, possibly leaving you feeling a bit Dumb and Dumber.

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