Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

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Remember BenJarvus Green-Ellis? Barely, right? At least the Law Firm nickname was choice. Do you also (not) recall he debuted more than a decade ago in 2008 and subsequently he was out of the league by 2013? Five year career for a running back sounds about right. So with that short time to make it, let’s just agree to never adversely judge a running back for trying to get paid, you know? Anyhoo, the pickings have become slim in Free Agents adds by this week; but unless this is your first year playing you were prepared for this scenario and spent most of your money already.

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I am not going to be the umpteenth fantasy football blogger to use some combination of Lil Nas X, horses and Michael Gallup. So while he’s the dude in the picture and the title, I’m just not going to do it. Too easy. I can just imagine the king of titles, our Rudy Gamble, just shaking his head reading a title like “The Horses in the back are Gallup’ing all the way home” or Matte black hat wearing Cowboy Michael Gallup’ing into your lineups this weekend” or Lil Nas X or Michael Gallup, who’s got their horses in the back?” So instead let’s through it back to the original Galloping Ghost, Red Grange. What a badass nickname and take a look at the guy:

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It can get lonely out on the mountain. Some days the only conversation you’ll get is wind whipping around your earlobes and your heart beating inside your chest. It is only week 5 but we have reached an altitude now where most animals prefer not to venture. The elements are brutal and food is scarce. I hope you aren’t in need because there is not much meat on this weeks bone. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re not hungry.

Each week, I will list intriguing players owned in no more than 30% of leagues per ESPN. For a primer on additional roster management and waiver wire principals read this. At the end I will also point out some players that can be safely dropped for a better option.

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Here at Razzball, we can’t get enough of the Chubb puns. Whether it’s Donkey Teeth, Zach, or myself, we’re going to force our d*ck jokes into you. WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! Personal foul and possible ejection on MB. We’re going to have to bring in Mike Pereira for that one. After further review, I will be allowed to review the early games for you. Later today, you can find Donkey Teeth’s round up of the late afternoon games and the Sunday night tilt. 

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Tragic news this week folks. No, I’m not talking about the Saquon Barkley injury. Days of Antonio Brown’s Life has been cancelled until further notice. Rumor has it AB let one rip right in the producers face and then grabbed the director’s dong before punting his helmet into the stands. I can neither confirm nor deny these rumors, but what I can confirm is that Days of Antonio Brown’s Life if on hiatus, maybe permanently. Let’s cross our fingers for Lifetime to swoop in and pick the show up but don’t hold your breath. On second thought, maybe you should hold your breath if Antonio Brown is anywhere in the vicinity!

RazzBowl on the other hand is far from cancelled. We finally have a little shake up at the top of the standings with Danny Kelly of The Ringer giving up the top spot after dominating weeks one and two. Our new leader is Michael Stepney of The Fantasy Authority, on the heels of massive weeks from Alvin Kamara, Phillip Lindsay, Dalvin Cook, Amari Cooper and Marvin Jones. A meager 24 points separate the top 5 teams with ya boy Donkey Teeth biding his time back in 67th place—out of 180.

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Hi Lovies! I am so sorry that I had to abandon you all last week, but you know, I am in high demand. How are you holding up? Week 3 was good to Yours Truly, but I am probably facing arrest for assault, considering what I did in some of the matchups I had this week. Hey, there is no shame in being beaten (within an inch of your life, apparently) by a girl. Especially one as fantastical, amazing, and wonderful as me. See why I am in such demand? As if you even needed to wonder. It is understood that my Black Widow Curse continues to gorge herself on man meat this season, but rather than knees and hammies, she is aiming for shoulders, wrists, and ankles. Hey, she knows what she wants. Who am I to stop her? As long as she leaves my people alone…well, Alshon is a given. Call him my sacrificial lamb, if you will. Things you can always count on, the tides ebbing and flowing, the sun rising and setting, death, taxes, and Alshon Jeffrey hurt. (Sigh)…

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