Chicago Bears wide receiver Cameron Meredith (81) is tackled by Miami Dolphins linebacker Spencer Paysinger (42) during the second half of an NFL preseason football game in Chicago, Thursday, Aug. 13, 2015. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

The Bears have been trash this season. Now they have a possible Jordan Howard injury and an Alshon Jeffery suspension which creates a FAAB spending opportunity. I can’t say for certain whether we should pick up Bears running backs Jeremy Langford or Ka’deem Carey because I can’t say whether Howard is injured. My take on whether John Fox is truthful is “Nah, he ain’t ever been”. I’m with Howard on this one and that means the Jeffery suspension is our primary interest. It puts at least two players in the spotlight, Cameron Meredith and Eddie Royal. Marquess Wilson is also interesting if he’s going to play. Time to look at the waiver wire and spend some FAAB.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chicago Bears quarterback Brian Hoyer (2) runs to the field as players are introduced before an NFL football game between the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions, Sunday, Oct. 2, 2016, in Chicago. (AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh) ORG XMIT: CXB1

Last week Brian Hoyer would have made this list had Trevor Siemian not had such a strong outing. This week Hoyer would not be denied, finishing as a top ten QB in week 4. He was no Matt Ryan, but he did throw for 302 yards and two touchdowns. That’s a whole two more yard than Julio Jones had receiving. As a matter of fact, Jones had more yards than all but five quarterbacks. I think HBO just inked a deal for a new show called Game of Jones. Julio Jones, Matt Jones, Jacoby Jones, Chipper Jones and James Earl Jones all battle it out for the right to have their way with one of Lolo Jones, Rashida Jones or Catherine Zeta Jones. My money’s on Darth Vader. Although I think Indiana Jones could at least make it entertaining. For those wondering, this will be a much better show than Keeping Up With The Joneses.

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Few things make me excited to wake up. Haha, I mean, I love life, but I also love my sleep. And I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. However, one day a week I am genuinely excited to wake up the moment my alarm goes off. And it’s not because doing the grown up in the morning (although always fun).

Nope, it’s Tuesdays. Because Tuesday means I can check the updated standings in my fantasy football leagues, see the new point totals within the standings (the true measure of how well you’re actually doing), start setting my lineup for the next week, and give my first glance at how I need to work the waiver wire. Does that make me weird? I’ll vote no. And I’ll imagine that a lot of you feel the same. Tuesdays…the best non-football day of the week.

This Tuesday was no different from any others. At first. I woke up before the sun, walked over to grab my phone and began scrolling through all my leagues to see the updates now that we’re four weeks in. So much anticipated joy was shortly replaced by an increasing disappointment. Sure, I didn’t do wonderful in Week 4 (went against Julio Jones in 3 leagues, and Matt Ryan in another 3…including one where my opponent had both. Ugh.), but the real cause for disappointment was found in the LACK OF ANYTHING TO WORK WITH ON THE WIRE! Haha, ok…now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s examine just whom is actually worth targeting, and see if any deserve a dope emoji next to their names. Here’s how you can work the wire for Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Contrary to most people, Fantasy Football actually reinforces my belief in a higher power. Because in my opinion, the statistical probability that the Bears would be so uniquely irrelevant for such a long amount time is far less likely than a giant vengeful sky man wanting to live with you when you die. And if we are talking in terms of fantasy (something we do from time to time), it doesn’t seem that long ago when Jay Cutler was doing his best impersonation of Jay Cutler, but with a cast of Matt Forte, Martellus Bennett, Brandon Marshall, and Alshon Jeffery. Sure, they were still full of derp, still kinda bordered the line between mediocre and hilarious, but they had an offense. More importantly, they had an offense that you wanted to draft on your team. Now all that’s left is Alshon Jeffery living in Hoyer Country. (If he throws a Hail Mary, what shall they do about their papist neighbors?) So whats wrong with the Bears offense? Is it: A) Hoyer can’t throw the ball, B) Kevin White doesn’t know what a Route Tree is, C) The offensive line can’t block, D) Alshon Jeffery hasn’t cared since they shipped Marshall off to the Jets, or E.) All the above? And sure, lets give some credit to the Cowboys. Ezekiel Elliott had a terrific game on the ground (kudos to Zach for calling it in his Start ‘Em/Sit ‘Em post), and Dak Presscott looks pretty legitimate. I mean, let’s be honest, drafting a good quarterback by accident is just about the most Cowboys thing ever. But while I deal with my own feelings as a Chargers fan (alcohol is involved), I have to wonder why the Bears even exist right now, but then I remember that the Cleveland Browns are still a thing and it all makes sense.

Here’s what else I saw in Sunday’s Week 3 games…

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Seriously, for those of you who missed it, I spent the entire game trying to formulate ways on filing a restraining order against Jon Gruden on behalf of Carson Wentz. For those of you there… maaan, Gruden gonna be baitin’ hard to Wentz’s game tape from last night, am I right? I’m not even sure how Wentz garnered so much heaping attention and praise from such a mediocre line against such a mediocre team, but there Gruden was, acting like I’m pretty sure how all Eagles fans will be today: over compensating how good Wentz and this team is after destroying what are essentially two FCS schools in the last two weeks. Now, that’s not to say that starting 2-0 doesn’t deserve some praise, especially with the aforementioned rookie quarterback (who had the noteworthy triple-coverage pass shown above) leading the way, but maybe we should wait on waxing poetic until after they beat a team not named the Titans and Bears. Oh, and speaking of the Bears… wow. 1-7 at home last season, and now another disturbingly flat performance in their home opener, not to mention them perpetuating the continual trend of making me suffer through every f*cking Monday Night Football game. I could have fallen asleep and missed nothing…

Please, blog, may I have some more?


Well folks, I promised NFC East derp yesterday afternoon, but the derp levels that were given are almost too much to bear, even a day later. So much derp in fact, that I’ll get to tell my grandchildren about how I was there for the (second, or maybe third, could be technically the fourth I guess) epoch of Brandon Weeden. In what was a 6-3 football game essentially (without a special teams touchdown) in the first 40 minutes of regulation, it wasn’t quite football, but wasn’t quite baseball either. What it was exactly, I can’t quite describe. If I had to give some sort of concrete answer, I would probably call it a nuclear weapons test. I will say this, as was alluded to earlier with one Brandon Weeden, the epoch began immediately after Tony Romo suffered a fractured clavicle bone (on the play shown above). Along with the news that Dez Bryant’s timetable for a return is murky now at best, this game still probably ended up more demoralizing for the Eagles. True, even with an existential outlook, you could say that the Cowboys lost the first two games they actually won (SO EFFING DEEP), but the Eagles look almost too innovative to be playing football at this point. If Romo (and by extension, Bryant) are out for an extended period of time (likely), and you combine that with the Giants doing very Giants like things, the Eagles have basically ceded the division to Washington. HAHAHAH. But don’t worry, Chip Kelly is still a genius. Totally.

Here’s what else I saw in Week 2 (with bonus Week 2 knee-jerk reactions to the knee-jerk reactions I had in Week 1. WOOOO!)…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

So much gum chewing. Someone just give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

The season is now in full swing, with the first Sunday of football for 2015 season bringing us a fantastic slate of games. Do you want action? Do you want drama? Do you want romance? I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS. Well, then I present to you the Browns versus the Jets. Haha, just kidding… but this is Week 1… I wouldn’t have really minded that being the premier match-up… well, for at least a few minutes. Honestly, what can you say about Jets that would excite anyone? And what can you say about that Browns that hasn’t already been said about Iraq? Nada, to use a parlance of our times. But there are some actual marquee match-ups this Sunday morning, including, but not limited to the Bears hosting the Packers, the newly revamped Bills facing off against the Colts, and a battle of cats between the Panthers and Jaguars. Then there’s an interesting NFC West match-up involving the Seahawks and Rams, which I’m sure will include Pete Carroll smacking his jaw like a guy who just did coke after being clean for 20 years…

Our rankings have been updated for today’s games and can be found here.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? I am too! I’m trying out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. If you want, you can join up with me! (Played FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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A palindrome is a word, phrase, number, or other sequence of characters which reads the same backward or forward. Allowances may be made for adjustments to capital letters, punctuation, and word dividers.” – Wikipedia

The word “stats” is a palindrome. So are words like “kayak”, “level” and “radar”. How about “race car” or “top spot”. Even phrases such as “Madam I’m Adam” and “never odd or even” are palindromes. Why isn’t the word “palindrome” a palindrome? Shouldn’t they have picked a word that was? Palindrome spelled backwards spells “semordnilap”, which is apparently defined as a word that spells a different word when spelled backwards. Some examples include “stressed”, “war”, “evil”, “spoon” and even “sports”. But what if C-A-T really spelled dog?

So how does any of this help you with your fantasy football team? It doesn’t. However when I started writing this post and typed the word “stats” I realized for the first time that it was in fact a palindrome and felt compelled to mention it…

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We are here today to point out the difference between the Razzball rankings and those that ESPN has released to the masses. The first difference you’ll probably notice is that there is no Mathew Berry in our rankings. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I’ll let you decide. Because, hey, I’m just that kind of guy. Beyond that, well, ESPN certainly likes the color of red in their logo. RED EVERYWHERE. Well, touché, we also like a color. And that color is mustache, which is totally a color. Just ask Razzball founder Grey Albright. Not be outdone, I do run around with a five-day shadow on my face on most occasions, which technically counts as facial hair, and a mustache is also facial hair, ergo, the color of mustache. And sure, you could say that I’ve added some yellow to the palette with my face, but then you’d be raycess. Now that the main differences have been established, we’ll move on to things that are more fantasy relevant, well, depending on the type of fantasy that is. Hey now. So after you clear your internet history, we’ll be comparing our rankings to that of ESPN’s and their new “What the ef is this? Facebook? Are you serious” interface. Get yer knives ready!

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Yes, my obvious Chargers bias is usually quite obvious, especially in the madness that was my Ryan Mathews love. That has subsided, but only because of circumstances out of my control. In my defense, this is the first Chargers player I’ve spotlighted this offseason, but will Dontrelle Inman be the last? Probably not. Maybe. Okay, definitely not. But he is certainly an interesting player for an interesting team, which, coincidentally, makes him very interesting in fantasy football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?