Week 7 is upon us and Thursday Night Football is back after a one week hiatus. I think we should make Tuesday night football a regular thing instead of Thursday. Thursday night games hardly even feel like a game for the week of the Sunday games. Tuesday night football still gives us 3 days of football, but it makes them flow better. I’m probably just bummed that my choice of football if I oblige is an NFC East game tonight. There won’t be a play for tonight’s game this week, so here are your starts and sits for Sunday!

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Part of being a fantasy analyst is that you’re always, at least to some degree, a contrarian. And being a critic and being contrarian are two different things: the former involves the deployment of data to make an argument, and the latter is going up when others go down [wait, what site am I writing for again?]. The most effective moments in fantasy analysis are when criticism and contrarianism connect, and the fantasy analyst makes a predictive move that could help readers win their fantasy leagues. 

Now, I’m not claiming oracle status, but I will claim a short victory lap on Ryan Fitzpatrick, who I warned my readers to stay away from. 

The (Fitz) magic disappeared on Tuesday, October 20, 2020, when rookie signal caller Tua Tagovailoa was named the starter for the Miami Dolphins. 

Therein lies the vex of fantasy analysis: some of the stuff we say seems, well, loco. Fitzpatrick had been putting up pretty good fantasy numbers. But (and it’s a Blair’s been sitting here writing this update for too-long sized but), Fitzpatrick’s peripheral numbers were terrible. Last week, I pointed out that Fitzpatrick was struggling with moving the ball down the field, was throwing too many interceptions, and had an on-target percentage sandwiched in-between Trubisky and Haskins, each of whom had lost their starting job this year. And now, the Fitzmagic has disappeared. 

Aye, I definitely am a bit crazy. But, if I saved you some cash by navigating you away from Fitzpatrick this season, then take a moment to consider an add-free subscription to the site, or, for less than $2/week remaining on the season, get a Roto Deluxe membership to get all of Rudy’s fresh projections updated for Tua Tagovailoa as the starter. 

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The week 7 waiver landscape is as barren as the Gobi desert. No major injuries opened up prime starting spots for fantasy teams. There are some rookies begging to be added on merit alone, however. And this is the best type of add, because these are players earning their volume. Guys like Higgins and Patrick should see their roles increase and can be real assets down the line. Conversely, players who get a bump simply due to injury may not capitalize on their touches (see: Mattison, Alexander)

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A lot of people think fantasy writers spend our days and nights surrounded by B-list rappers from the 2000s (I see you Chingy!), 16 big-screen TVs playing NFL Red Zone, and Mike Mayock on speed dial (does Twitter have speed dial?). OK, that’s actually how Grey and Donkey Teeth spend their days. But me? I’m a lowly midwestern Vikings fan living in Packers territory running DSL off a bankrupt company. Thanks to the novel piranhavirus that delayed the Titans/Bills game, I’m submitting this article before some of the top quarterbacks have even finished playing. But, I’m not alone in my wishes to be hanging with Luda, have a fiber connection, and a direct line to Dick Butkus (wait, did I say that last part?). Most of the fantasy world is delayed right now due to scoring glitches caused by Tuesday night football. So, let’s huddle up…no, not that close…and take a look at how the quarterbacks are shaping up for the rest of your fantasy football season. 

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Week 5 was light on the injuries until Dak Prescott broke his ankle and needed immediate surgery. COVID postponements continue to be a difficult thing to navigate both for managers and commissioners. Alas, we must press on. The rookie WR class is really showing out and a number of them will be big parts of championship lineups. 

I group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 50% of ESPN leagues.

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I got into the weeds Monday afternoon researching NFL mascots. I never knew how much I didn’t know about football mascots. Turns out there’s a lot of great ones out there, including Viktor the Viking, Rowdy the Cowboy and T-Rac, the Titans’ funny looking raccoon character who may or may not have coronavirus. Of course the Titans would have a random raccoon mascot. The Saints come in strong with not one, but two mascots: a friendly St. Bernard puppy by the name of Gumbo along with Sir Saint, a large mustachioed caucasian man with an obscenely large chin. The Chargers on the other hand are mascot-less after their unofficial mascot, Boltman, retired back in 2018 due to climate change. Enter Justin Herbert. The rookie QB balled out on Monday night with a line of 20/34 for 264 yards, 4 touchdowns and no interceptions.  Five of those completions went to Mike Williams who finished the night with 5 catches for 109 receiving yards and two touchdowns. Many forget that Big Mike caught 10 touchdowns in his sophomore season, only two years ago. The young QB/WR tandem looks to have a very bright future as the new L.A. Chargers mascots. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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When I first started writing with Razzball, I was fairly convinced it was one of those MLM-schemes. You know, the kind of thing like scented candles, or really expensive vitamin patches, or leggings that don’t improve your yoga whatsoever. Because when I came into Razzball Headquarters for the interview, Donkey Teeth had all of that going on in his office. “Can I offer you a Cran-Razzle-Berry Tonic Water?” he started, his zebra-striped leggings leaving little to the imagination. “It’s fortified with Taurine!” I politely declined, reaching for a chair before DT pulled the splits to stop me. “Can’t let you sit in that before I cleanse it!” he said with a smile. He pulled out some sort of chicken feather duster and chanted as he cleaned the seat. I swore the chant was to the tune of the Super Bowl Shuffle. When the chair was properly cleansed, I took a seat and pulled out a folder that had my rankings inside, ready to do my interview. DT had no desk in his office, just a giant bench that I later found out he stole from the sidelines of Soldier Field before it was demolished. “Let me introduce you to my co-editor, Kerryon,” he said, gesturing to the Fathead of Kerryon Johnson on the wall. I laughed, which really didn’t help things. I handed over my rankings, proud of my #1 choice, Lamar Jackson. DT just laughed, and I asked what he found funny about my rankings. “There’s no hot takes in here!” he said, his zebra-striped legs man-spreading across the Soldier Field bench. “There’s promise, yes, but not a single hot take.” DT said he would bring me on board, as long as I started getting others on board with some bold takes. 

Four weeks later, Justin Herbert appeared in the top 12 of this ranking series. DonkeyTeeth, I hope I made you proud! 

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Week 4 saw our path get rocky and full of pitfalls as multiple players tested positive for COVID-19 and some games were postponed with tentative rescheduling. The waiver landscape became even more crucial than ever with not only injuries to deal with but also alternates for postponed games.  There isn’t a lot to splurge on this week, but as we have seen bench depth may be more important in 2020 than any other season.

I group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 50% of ESPN leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s up everybody? Your usual Sunday roundup author, Donkey Teeth, is in a bit of a predicament, so I’m stepping in to help you catch up on the Sunday games. What predicament is DT in, you ask? Glad to spill the secrets! See, DT is a member of an elite club of adventurers who, upon the release of pumpkin spice lattes in the fall, gather in Los Angeles for their annual Kart Across America race. Donning the costumes of their favorite Mario Kart character, the group hops on actual go karts to race across the great American highways at 20 MPH. This year, our beloved DT — dressed as his hero Wario — took a banana to the face and crashed into an In-N-Out just outside of El Segundo. Of course, he lost his wallet in the crash. He’s also slightly blinded from the animal sauce that got in his eyes. Yet, he wants to finish the race, so he got back on the kart, took some mushroom power, and was last seen drifting by Lake Tahoe. 

ENYWHEY, let’s take a look at some of the highlights for Sunday’s NFL games for your fantasy football teams. 

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Just north of Chicago, Fermilab was one of the most important sites in the Manhattan Project, which resulted in the development of the first atomic bombs during World War II. Throughout the Cold War, the particle accelerator at Fermilab crashed protons together at speeds nearing that of light, and scientists investigated their interactions to learn the deepest secrets of the universe. With research budgets under attack, the scientists at Fermilab brought in the top minds from Japan to work with the local businesses — namely the Chicago Bears — to study the deepest secrets of quarterbacks. With some of the nuances of English lost in translation, many of the Japanese scientists said they had unlocked the energy that would bring success to the Bears’ franchise quarterback. The report they drew up was titled, “Big Mitch Power.” 

But there was a group of dissenting scientists who argued that “Big Nick Power” was the secret to the Bears’ success in 2020. They kept pointing to the salary of the Bears’ backup quarterback, Nick Foles, as the proof that the incumbent Trubisky was indeed a “Little Mitch.” Meanwhile, Big Nick Power had the arm and the salary to justify his stature as the Bears starting quarterback going forward. 

Until Week 3, it was unknown whether Bears’ head coach Matt Nagy was concerned about his QB being a “Little Mitch,” but when Trubisky failed to inspire the Bears offense during their matchup against the Falcons, Nagy indeed outed himself as a believer in Big Nick Power. 

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