Teddy Bridgewater

Donkey Teeth

Top 40 Dynasty Quarterbacks for 2020 Fantasy Football

April 13, 2020 | Fantasy Football Dynasty League Rankings, Fantasy Football Dynasty Leagues |

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Quarantine Day 31:

 I sneezed yesterday and my girlfriend (still imaginary) kicked me out of our virus bunker. I’m now writing this from the back yard where I’m sheltering in place under my handmade wigwam shelter. Finally all of those episodes of Naked and Afraid are paying off. I’m not afraid out here but I am very naked. Hope the neighbors don’t mind. Actually, as a Bears fan I’m beyond afraid of our quarterback situation. Remember when the Bears drafted Trubisky over Mahomes and Watson? You do? Damn, was hoping that was just a bad dream! Anyway, here’s my top 40 quarterbacks for 2020 dynasty football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Hopkins Traded for Three Ounces of Purell

March 18, 2020 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 2 Comments

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As I crawled through the desert wearing my backpack filled to the brim with toilet paper and various lotions, dying of sports thirst, a small rain drop landed squarely on my nose. The NFL players narrowly approved a new collective bargaining agreement Saturday night, lengthening the season by one game and expanding the playoffs to 14 teams; the rain drop for which I’d been longing. Then on Monday, the flood gates opened with a downpour of high profile free agent signings, trades and franchise taggings on the first day of legal tampering. 

Lightning struck when then Texans inexplicably handed DeAndre Hopkins and a 2021 4th rounder over to the Cardinals in exchange for David Johnson, a 2nd round draft pick and a 2020 4th rounder. The amount of hand sanitizer included in the deal was not disclosed, but my sources tell me at least three ounces of Purell headed back to Houston. The echo chamber seems to believe this move will have a decidedly negative affect on Nuk’s fantasy value, but I’m rose-colored in my year two outlook for the Kliff Kingsbury/Kyler Murray show. If he’s a mid to late 2nd round fantasy pick this year, I’ll dhop all over him.

Later the thunder rumbled as Stefon Diggs was dealt with a 2020 7th rounder to the Bills in exchange for pick #22, their 2020 5th, 2020 6th and 2021 4th rounder. I’ve seen many folks say this was a terrible deal for the Bills, but if you toss the 26 year old Diggs into this draft class he’d go top 10, right? And he’s signed to a reasonably team friendly deal thru 2023. Change of scenery may be just what Diggs needed. I’ll be buying again in 2020 and bumping Josh Allen up my board as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy football during this already crazy coronavirus-filled NFL offseason:  

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zach

Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em, Week 8: City Of Angels Vs. The Bungles

October 26, 2019 | Start/Sit | 20 Comments

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For a lot of fantasy owners, now is the time to either look towards the playoffs, or go into damage control and try to salvage your season while you can. Both decisions are important, but for now, let’s talk about this week. One of the matchups I’m keeping an eye on is the Rams at home against the Bengals. It’s been an up-and-down season for Los Angeles, but this is still a good team that will play well against weaker opponents that we can take advantage of in fantasy. And to say that the Bengals are a weaker opponent… is putting it mildly.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Dak Nearly Loses Finger While Feeding Zeke

October 21, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 11 Comments

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It’s a well known fact: Ezekiel Elliott has an insatiable appetite. The star running back has been begging anyone and everyone to feed him since all the way back to Pop Warner, but the hunger has never subsided. This past September the Cowboys finally broke down and gave Zeke a little grocery money of his own. But the Dallas RB hasn’t been able to locate the Whole Foods Market in his neighborhood and continues to ask for handouts. Fortunately, his best bud Dak Prescott (21/27 for 239 yards, 5 carries for 30 yards and 2 touchdowns) continues to be charitable, feeding Zeke the pigskin 22 times for 111 yards plus another 6 thru the air for 36 more yards and his 6th touchdown as the Cowboys trounced the Eagles on Sunday night. Watch those fingers Dak! Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Mike Evans Sausage

September 23, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 22 Comments

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It wasn’t well reported by the mainstream media, but prior to week one Mike Evans gave a sample of his secret family sausage recipe to Jameis Winston. When Winston inserted the mystery meat into his mouth, the funkiness he tasted was beyond words. Jameis was so offended by the foul tasting wiener, he vowed to look to Chris Godwin before Evans on every pass play for two weeks. Then, earlier this week Mike Evans tweaked the family sausage recipe and placed the new wiener into his quarterbacks’ hands. The fresh Evans man meat was so juicy and flavorful, Jameis was addicted!

Needless to say, Winston adjusted his game plan for week three targeting Mike Evans 15 times against the New York Giants. Evans turned those 15 targets into 8 catches for 190 yards and 3 touchdowns. That must have been some sausage! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in yesterday’s late games for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
al_FF_red

Waiver Sherpa Week 3: D(o)ante’s Inferno

September 17, 2019 | Fantasy Football Strategy, Waiver Wire | 54 Comments

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Your lungs are burning as you bend over to catch your breath. Snot trickles to your upper lip and the icy wind whips around causing it to freeze almost instantly. We’ve been hiking for 2 weeks but it already feels like an eternity. As the blood rushes to your forehead, you wonder how this seemed like a good idea 6 months ago while surfing the internet in your posh apartment in the city.

Of course, you know it’s too far to turn back, but the end is nowhere in sight. All that can be done is to make the best of the journey and put one foot in front of the other. The crunch of the snow betrays me as I saunter over and remind you “The next checkpoint is getting close where we can add some RBs for the week ahead.” Blinking, you stand up and look over the trail where the ridge meets the sun and feel a glimmer of hope. There’s fight left in you.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Whack Daniels

Free Agency: Coming To a Town Near You?

January 30, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Football |

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Hey y’all.  Please note that where fantasy position ranks are cited: they were pulled from www.pro-football-reference.com’s NFL Fantasy Rankings. Also note that these are non-PPR rankings.  This list only includes Un-Restricted Free Agents (UFAs), it does not include Exclusive Rights Free Agents (ERFAs) or Antonio Brown (We can rank Tony once we see if his QB is going to be future HOFer Big Ben or future Gym Teacher Blake Bortles or someone in between, but don’t think either spot or any in between really changes his value much).

Please, blog, may I have some more?
MB

Barbershop

August 11, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Football, 2018 Fantasy Football News & Notes | 12 Comments

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Week 1 of the preseason is just two games away from being in the books. What a ride it has been! That felt real right? Don’t worry, we are less than a month from meaningful win loss records. The football being played now IS meaningful. I wouldn’t be posting this if it wasn’t. There are always Easter eggs hidden in preseason games when it comes to position battles, snap shares, and performance. We also have to address a devastating injury so I’ll start there…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
MB

Fantasy Football 2018 Free Agency Primer

March 7, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Football, 2018 Fantasy Football Buy/Sell |

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Yesterday was the cut off for franchise tags which makes the free agency picture a little bit clearer. Free agency is coming up next week so I suppose we should talk about the players on the market. What teams plan on doing in the draft seems as relevant as ever when it comes to free agency this year. There are a lot of teams in need of a quarterback. If you’ve been paying attention to mock draft related things, you’re well aware that there is a good chance that 5-7 quarterbacks go in the first round. Of these 5-7, my guess is 3 see more than a handful of starts this season depending on their landing spots. That leaves a few teams who need starters from the free agency pool.

In this free agency running back class, I don’t see much more than running back by committee contributors. The running back class is very deep as far as this upcoming draft goes, so I’m doubting anyone makes a huge financial splash. Wide receiver is going to be interesting. There are a couple of big playmakers whose services are available. Speculating is all that we can really do here, so let’s run through some of the players and talk about ideal landing spots.

Please, blog, may I have some more?