Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

Read some of Jay's 685 posts

It’s That Damn Beckham! He’s So Hot Right Now!

by: Jay

Odell Beckham Jr. is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

There are so many things to talk about after Week 15 is now in the books. Even the goal posts are changing! We saw the beginning of the “Johnny ~~Football~~ ~~Shutout~~ ~~Sadness~~ ~~Suck Balls~~ ~~Gabbert~~ ~~F*ck Up~~ ~~Noun~~ 27.3 Quarterback Rating”, the ending of the Jim Harbaugh era in San Francisco, and of course there’s the NFC South, where the Panthers (5-8-1), Saints (5-8), and Falcons (5-9) are now all within a game of each other for the division lead AND in line for a top-10 draft pick. If that isn’t a dumpster fire, then my friend, you’ve never seen a dumpster fire. The Colts, Broncos, and Patriots clinched playoff appearances, which I believe is the 987th consecutive year these three teams have done it. And then there’s, of course, the growing legend of Odell Beckham Jr.. And don’t be surprised that every Giants game from here on out will follow the formula of: Interception, derp, injury, derp, Odell Beckham does something awesome, interception, Odell Beckham does something even more awesome, derp. Oh, almost forgot. And derp. Honestly though, the Giants offense right now is basically “throw it to Beckham”, and it has to be stated, it’s the best they’ve looked in years. Imagine how great it would be if Tom Coughlin stopped hiding Eli Manning’s Capri Sun…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Games, Week 15: Romocember is Just Getting Started

by: Jay

Last week, I presupposed that a child named “Playoff Implications” grew up, joined the Army, and was promoted to “Major”. While that’s probably a sexy example of the word-play I bring to you all day long (and your mothers), if last week had major playoff implications, this week we have, um, general playoff implcations? Maybe Admiral? Sure, I don’t know Navy Maritime Ranks, or to be honest, much of anything, but I can say that without a doubt, we are in for some interesting football the next three weeks. With roughly 56 teams still in the hunt, the race to the finish line starts today. And wouldn’t you know it, the same could be said in Fantasy Football as well. Tie-in alert: FULL RED. Can the Dolphins stay alive by beating the Patriots? (HAHA.) What about the Texans in the same scenario against the Colts? (Eh, maybe.) The Chargers have a chance to take hold of the Wild Card if they beat the Broncos, led by a new found rushing attack to mask ~~Chad Henne’s~~ Peyton Manning’s waffling duck attack. And then there’s the two spotlight games, 49ers vs. Seahawks and Cowboys vs. Eagles. While it might be fun to see if Pete Carroll will run the score up past a 100 against San Francisco, there are some derptastic possibilities in a game featuring Tony Romo (example) and Mark Sanchez (example). And these two… strong in the derp they are…

Week 15 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No Touchdowns During Thursday Night Football, World Nearing End

December 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 51 Comments

by: Jay

So, that was an interesting game. If you don’t like touchdowns that is. To be fair, we weren’t promised anything, and with Thursday Night Football hosting at least 485 blow-outs thus far, I guess last night’s game could be considered a welcome change of pace. Sort of like going from watching a giant monster truck crash into a mobile home to watching paint dry. Yeah, a lot like that. But hey, it’s not the Cardinals or Rams fault. They actaully seem to be quite similar; good defenses, less-than-stellar offenses, and, of course, there’s the injury bug. Sam Bradford is old news at this point, and Carson Palmer is, just, well, old I guess. Andre Ellington is a recent casualty. And, of course, Drew Stanton had his ankle implode in the third quarter, ushering in the age of Lindley. Ryan Lindley. Just think of it this way: we are living in a world where Lindley might possibly end up leading the number one seeded team through the playoffs. Yeah, note to Cardinals players… you can go ahead and schedule all those free weekends in January now…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rankings, Week 15

December 11, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Weekly Rankings | 89 Comments

by: Jay

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.80% (29th out of 127 Experts, 60.60% Highest, 49.70% Lowest).

Week 14 Results: 56.30% (59th out of 131 Experts, 63.70% Highest, 40.30% Lowest).

	Accuracy	Rank	Experts	Highest	Lowest	Score +/-	Rank +/-
Week 1	61.80%	22	134	66.10%	48.20%
Week 2	54.00%	35	135	61.30%	42.10%	-7.80%	-13
Week 3	57.40%	88	128	67.10%	44.30%	3.40%	-53
Week 4	56.50%	48	128	61.10%	42.80%	-0.90%	40
Week 5	56.50%	70	131	69.40%	47.00%	0.00%	-22
Week 6	56.30%	27	133	63.10%	41.50%	-0.20%	43
Week 7	59.70%	33	132	64.30%	46.50%	3.40%	-6
Week 8	56.30%	67	130	64.80%	45.20%	-3.40%	-34
Week 9	60.30%	23	131	66.00%	46.10%	4.00%	44
Week 10	57.80%	68	130	66.90%	48.40%	-2.50%	-45
Week 11	52.10%	64	131	67.60%	42.60%	-5.70%	4
Week 12	59.10%	29	129	66.20%	42.40%	7.00%	35
Week 13	58.40%	73	130	71.40%	48.40%	-0.70%	-44
Week 14	56.30%	59	131	63.70%	40.30%	-2.10%	14
Totals	57.80%	29	127	60.60%	49.70%

And now, your Week 15 Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Quest for the 6-10 Division Winner Still Alive

December 9, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 57 Comments

by: Jay

You’d probably think this was a hard fought game if you glanced at the score. And you’d be partly right, say 19% of the game was hard fought? 18%? With the Packers leading at the half 31-7, Monday Night Football fulfilled, certainly, my expectations, and it looked like we were all set to enjoy some Matt Flynn time. DENIED. Why? Because Dom Capers, that’s why. The Falcons went on to score 30 points and bring the game to 37-43. With a stop necessary, the Falcons went into Mike Smith’s patented “Swanson Hungry Man Beef Pot Roast dinner” defense, allowing a 12-yard run to Aaron Rodgers, and then a 41-yard run to James Starks, which essentially ended the game with 01:37 left. It can be said that the Falcons competed hard, but it’s probably more important to point out that with a 5-8 record, they are still in first place. Jesus.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’ve Reached Peak NFC South

December 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 58 Comments

by: Jay

If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Games, Week 14: NFL Playoffs Looming, Bills and Browns Still In the Hunt. Wait, What?

December 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 52 Comments

by: Jay

That’s right folks. We’ve arrived to Week 14, what is tacitly accepted as the starting point for Fantasy Football playoffs for the majority of leagues and formats. And coinciding with this “fantasy playoff” week are several key match-ups that will also have an enormous affect on the NFL playoff picture. Which, if you had already guessed from the title, is a picture that still has the Bills and Browns on it. While there are several other games that deserve a spotlight, like the Steelers vs. Bengals. Panthers vs. Saints (LOL), Ravens vs. Dolphins, Chiefs vs. Cardinals, Seahawks vs. Eagles and the Patriots vs. my Chargers, it seems almost silly to bring up those two teams. But their season’s rest on the outcome against the Broncos (who are at home against the Bills) and an incredibly talented Colts offense led by Andrew Luck, (with Coby Fleener in the caboose, BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE HE BELONGS), against the Browns. An unlikely loss by either the Broncos and Colts could dramatcially shift the playoff picture into some kind of synergistic paridigm, only thought to exist in the most complciated of corporate and free enterprise verbiage. Yes, as you can see, the drinking got started early. Some point last week… So let’s get this Sunday started…

Week 14 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not 8-8

December 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 53 Comments

by: Jay

So that’s a wrap folks. All the 8-8 jokes… they’re over, done, the end is here. The Cowboys have won their ninth game of the year, something they hadn’t accomplished since 2009, including three 8-8 finishes in the past three years. But that’s okay, I actually researched this on Google and it turns out that Romonobyl actually has four reactors, which means there’s still plenty of time for the Cowboys to deliver their always consistent dose of schadenfreude during the holidays. I know this, because science bro. Their gift to all of us, if you will. The Bears in the meantime, well, wow. Total self-destruct mode has been achieved. I mean, with some improvement, this team could be as good as a slightly better but still not very good team, so there’s that, I guess. The real question I keep asking myself is: if a Bear doesn’t give a sh*t in the woods, does any one hear it?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rankings, Week 14

December 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Weekly Rankings | 98 Comments

by: Jay

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.90% (27th out of 129 Experts, 60.60% Highest, 49.80% Lowest).

Week 13 Results: 58.40% (73rd out of 129 Experts, 71.40% Highest, 48.40% Lowest).

	Accuracy	Rank	Experts	Highest	Lowest	Score +/-	Rank +/-
Week 1	61.80%	22	134	66.10%	48.20%
Week 2	54.00%	35	135	61.30%	42.10%	-7.80%	-13
Week 3	57.40%	88	128	67.10%	44.30%	3.40%	-53
Week 4	56.50%	48	128	61.10%	42.80%	-0.90%	40
Week 5	56.50%	70	131	69.40%	47.00%	0.00%	-22
Week 6	56.30%	27	133	63.10%	41.50%	-0.20%	43
Week 7	59.70%	33	132	64.30%	46.50%	3.40%	-6
Week 8	56.30%	67	130	64.80%	45.20%	-3.40%	-34
Week 9	60.30%	23	131	66.00%	46.10%	4.00%	44
Week 10	57.80%	68	130	66.90%	48.40%	-2.50%	-45
Week 11	52.10%	64	131	67.60%	42.60%	-5.70%	4
Week 12	59.10%	29	129	66.20%	42.40%	7.00%	35
Week 13	58.40%	73	130	71.40%	48.40%	-0.70%	-44
Totals	57.90%	27	129	60.60%	49.80%

And now, your Week 14 Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, Jets. Never change.

December 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 70 Comments

by: Jay

So let me get this straight. The Chargers beat the Jets 31-0. The Dolphins beat the Chargers 37-0. So apparently by Monday Night Football calculations, we get something like this. I dare you to name ten worse games than this all year. You can’t! And just think… we get to watch these teams square off again this season! Ugh. The next time some Patriots fan tells you that their derp-fest of division has nothing to do with their success, show them last night’s game.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Regression, These Are the Cardinals. Cardinals? Meet Regression

December 1, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 39 Comments

by: Jay

While it’s a bit too tempting to take time in the lede to discuss what was the “potential Super Bowl match-up” of the year between the Packers and Patriots, or even the discussing the Ravens snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against my Chargers. And heck, you could even throw in the Jaguars beating the Giants, who were in full derp mode, making Tom Coughlin even more salty and vinegary (to be taken at it’s most literal definition), but, in the end, I do find the slow collapse of the Arizona Cardinals team fascinating… While I normally don’t root for Cardinals, (that’s more St’ Louis’ and Busch’s fault. Double entendre alert!), you had to respect the fact that they found themselves 9-1 despite starting Drew Stanton, not Carson Palmer, for a majority of those games. While 9-1 and those two names don’t really make sense when used in the same sentence, a stifling defense and some luck have been two things that lesser teams have had success with (See Broncos, 2011). But ending the regular season against the Chiefs, Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers, there are legitimate scenarios where they could now miss the playoffs, and some, where the Rams could actually sneak in. This is all to say, wow, the NFC South is a dumpster fire in the truest sense of the word. You could ask for reasons why that gives context (they did just lose to the 4-7 Falcons), but I would still say NOOOOPE, I need no reasons.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Games, Week 13: The Thanksgiving Itis

November 30, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 54 Comments

by: Jay

With all the Thanksgiving Day games in the books, the leftovers (see what I did there?) seem like a downgrade match-up wise. But judging from the dumpster fire of games we actually did have with three NFC marquee match-ups, this will probably be the best Sunday of games ever! (With the Browns and Bills leading the charge. Ugh… you’re right, it’ll probably be just more sh*tty football.) Even then, the Chargers vs. Ravens has interesting playoff implications, with the Broncos taking on the Chiefs for Sunday Night Football. There are scenarios where each team could end up in first in the AFC West. And, of course, there’s the Patriots vs. Packers game that will be heralded as the overused “potential Super Bowl match-up” descriptor, but moreso than other times, it’s easy to see the scenario. And if those games aren’t enough to satisfy the end to your holiday weekend, boy do I have a treat for you: The Titans take on the Texans in what is sure to be the best three hours ever…

Week 13 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?