Chad Ochocinco – He recently tweeted that he wanted to tweet during games. So the NFL then tweeted that they had banned tweeting during games. And then Larry Fitzgerald tweeted that he was going to lunch. Then Ocho tweeted that he was going on a run with Drew Rosenhaus. And then he tweeted some girls whose profile pics are slightly on the skankoid side and then my head exploded.
Brady Quinn – All reports are pointing to The Mighty Quinn being under center come week one. Quinn should be able to win more games for the Browns than Anderson, but I don’t see Braylon Edwards’ fantasy numbers changing too much either way. Quinn won’t be a good fantasy option this season.
Roger Goodell – After a long day of putting the hammer down on NFL delinquents Roger likes to spend summer days mounting the summit of Mt. Rainier and crying like a wee child. There are reports that he was trying to elude Plaxico Burress which was fairly easy since he was dressed in sweatpants and flip flops.
UFL – Michael Vick could play for them as well as a lot of washed up NFL players. I’m not buying stock.
Pat and Kevin Williams – The “Williams Wall” won another court ruling when a judge gave them a restraining order against the NFL. I’m not sure how many feet the NFL needs between them and the Williams’, but I hear the NFL has been stalking them on Facebook and left a message on the Williams wall regretting something about the last time they “hooked up.”
Kurt and Brenda Warner – If you didn’t get your fill of them during the Super Bowl they have a new book coming out called “First Thing’s First: The Rules of Being a Warner.” I’m hoping this will be made into a TV movie, maybe on Lifetime.
Brett Favre – The Vikings have tailored 40% of their playbook to Favre. This means the other 60% is comprised of plays that call for accuracy and less than 20% bone loss.
Fred Jackson – With Lynch and his face grill out for the first 3 weeks Jackson should get a chance to really show what he can do. Dick Jauron believes Jackson should get more touches this season and with the addition of T.O. the offense should be more wide open. Jackson has even lined up as receiver in OTA’s. Lynch will be the main back, but Jackson will get plenty of work this season, especially if he shows up big while Lynch is polishing his gun, watching the game on the couch.
Brandon Pettigrew – The rookie tight end for the 0-16 Lions looked good in OTA’s and will be the starting TE unless he is mauled by a bear or rogue meat packer before that. With the likelihood of Matt Stafford being the starting QB Pettigrew should be a good outlet for the rookie when he doesn’t have time to heave it to Megatron. I just wish he hadn’t sold out Harry Potter’s parents to Lord Voldemort!