You know when you wake up in the morning, sleep walk to your washroom mirror in a fog, trying to brush your teeth and wash your face, when you suddenly realize ‘when did my hair get so long’?  You try and think when your last visit to the salon was.  A month ago?  Six weeks?  You don’t remember.  Then you say to yourself, ‘I need to stop drinking at the saloon and take care of my body and appearance more’.  That’s what it feels like when it comes to suicide pools this season.  When was the last meaningful week where underdogs upset and took out a bunch of people in your pool?  Week six is the answer.  I know, I don’t know whether to stop drinking or drink some more.  Time to put that game of Liar’s Dice on hold, get back to rolling the dice, and making some picks in week 13 of your suicide pools.

It wasn’t a Happy Thanksgiving for a lot of teams because only seven home teams won last week; all three visiting teams won on Thanksgiving day as well.  A 7-9 record in week 13 leads to a home teams season total of 100-75.  A lot of bad teams played at home last week so don’t go thinking the league is turning into road warriors; a couple of those home teams who lost were the Chiefs, Jets, Cardinals, and Eagles.  See a pattern?  Some bad quarterbacks who aren’t even worthwhile to use in a game of Madden.

Teams Already Used – Houston, New England, Chicago, Green Bay, San Francisco, Atlanta, Minnesota, San Diego, Seattle, Pittsburgh, Dallas, Cincinnati

Baltimore, My Week 13 Pick – How many times in 2012 has anybody ever played a game of Madden using Charlie Batch?  Zero.  And that is being generous to Charlie Batch’s family.  Byron Leftwich breaks two ribs and this guy is still sitting on the sidelines with two coats on and a headset listening to Jazz music.  I know last week’s eight turnover game wasn’t totally Charlie’s fault but I’m blaming him for everything.  He is pathetic.  You think I’m being too harsh on this poor fellow?  He’s been in Pittsburgh for 10 years and he has two Super Bowl rings.  He might get a third ring come Sunday while he is being wrungout by the Ravens defense.

New York Jets – I know Mark Sanchez is a bad quarterback but what is going on in Arizona?  Ryan Linley makes Sanchez look like Pro Bowler.  Lindley has five turnovers and zero touchdowns in his two games played.  Now he travels on the road, into a climate not suited for passing, and we expect him to carry the Cardinals to a victory?  You are never as bad or as good as your last game, and for New York, the difference between Brady and Linley is bigger than the National Football Leagues TV contract with the networks.  If you are out of top teams to take this week then don’t be afraid to fly first class with the Jets for one week.

Carolina – Finally, a Cam Newton sighting.  We might seem him again this week as he gets to play a team destined for the first pick in the draft next year.  Brady Quinn has 434 yards passing in two and a half games, and scares the bejesus out of the Panthers defense with zero touchdown passes, accompanied by four interceptions.  If you are using the fade Kansas City strategy in suicide pools then keep the streak going because there is no reason to avoid it now.

Chicago, Dallas – If you managed to save either Chicago or Dallas up until this point, now is the time to use them.  The Bears host a team who has visitoritis.  I have never seen a team more comparable to Jekyll and Hyde, Two-Face, or the ‘is it an old lady/young lady’ illusion.  I can’t explain it but it’s time to take advantage of the situation and bet against the road riffraff.  Dallas:  you better not cry about the season, better not pout about missing the playoffs, because, Nick Foles is coming to town.

Buffalo, Potential Suicide – How in the world is Buffalo a suicide pick at a roughly 20% selection rate in week 13!?  How?  Do people watch the Bills?  Do they listen to Buffalo sports talk radio?  Do they realize that Buffalo has only beaten Miami, Arizona, Cleveland, and Kansas City?  Did they notice that the Jaguars have scored 67 points in the last two weeks?  What am I missing here?  Now I see it:  Buffalo is the saloon capital of the world.  Challenge anybody who picks Buffalo in week 13 to a game of Liar’s Dice and bet the farm on it.

  1. DaveS says:

    So, do you think the actual suicide in KC turns the Panthers into a potential survivor suicide? I think it does.

  2. Steve Stevenson says:

    I couldn’t believe it, but over 1/3 of the people left in my pool went with Buffalo. I’m delighted, but then I remember that I’m counting on Romo and Garrett to win a meaningful game.

  3. Jimmy Russels says:

    ahaha nice call for baltimore, faggot

    • Sky

      Sky says:

      nice troll email account, bundle of sticks.

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