Who Are These Guys?, Week 2: Riddickulous

September 14, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 60 Comments

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Most would have undoubtedly considered the lineup I am about to throw at you to be ridiculous had I recommended it last week for last week’s matchups. I am certain my readership would have plummeted from fifteen to about five. Even though that’s an eighty percent decrease can I still use the word “plummet” considering how small the numbers are with which we are working? There are more than fifteen people in any of the men’s rooms at any given time at an NFL stadium during a game. Are those my followers? Are you sh!tting me? I love it! While most would have quickly clicked “unsubscribe to malamoney’s posts”, when they read the papers on Monday morning and saw the results, I’m not sure if they would have called me lucky, and lucky idiot, or just an idiot. Probably all three, which is technically the second option. Led by Alex Smith and Theo Riddick, the following lineup would have won just about any matchup in its path…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Working the Wire, Week 2: Cruz cLynch’s His Fists in a Salsa Dance

by: M@

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You gotta groove. You gotta sway. You gotta flow. It takes a certain amount of swagger (or just Latin hips?) to really pull off the salsa dance like we see above. And yet, spread the word to the masses, we finally got to see that beautiful salsa dance again on Sunday! Welcome back Victor Cruz! Thank you for letting us glimpse the joy, the beauty and the underrated nature of the salsa dance after you played your first game in 700 calendar days and scored a TD in the process. With you complimenting Odell Beckham Jr. and the sterling rookie Shepard (that was fun), the Giants passing attack should be among the best in the league. And would ya look at that, Cruz is widely unowned in leagues as of the Tuesday morning after Week 1.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit It or Quit It, Week 2: I’m Feeling Fuller with this Willie

September 13, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 48 Comments

by: Jennifer

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Welcome back, my horde, to the first official hit it or quit it for the 2016 season! Sure, I teased you all a little bit with some of my draft and preseason action, but this is the real thing, baby! Hopefully, you all made it through week 1 without my “Black Widow Curse” taking out your first round draft picks? I know I made it unscathed this week. I think I am finally getting the hang of this thing and embracing the evil that is this curse rather than trying to fight it. I know a couple of you lost some people, and for that, I wish I could say I was sorry, but I am embracing the evil, remember? So, at least I can make it up to you some way by maybe giving you some people to target this coming week. Because, after all, I am not a girl who just takes. I know the importance of giving as well as receiving, especially if we are going to make this love affair last. So, without further ado, here you are my loyal creeps, weirdos, perverts, geeks, convicts, inmates and overall degenerates, Hit It or Quit It, Week 2.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

World Wide FAAB, Week 2: A Little Shaun Shaun

September 13, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 35 Comments

by: RotoLance

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I have to just come out and say that the title is referencing “a little some’ some'” because the reference is pretty ambiguous. I’ll let someone else take the Shaun of the Dead reference. Why Shaun Shaun? Because it was a big week for two fellas named Shaun and now it’s time to get some. A Shaun named Hill won his start for the Vikings but we only care about him in 2QB leagues and even then I doubt we care because he might lose his starting job this week. Shaun Draughn, of all people, is somehow among the best FAAB acquisitions I could find for 12 team fantasy football leagues. It’s not the sexiest week one for acquisitions because week one didn’t reveal as many surprises as we expected. The good news is maybe we can avoid all “what a crazy Week 1” references. Please? (Aside: Chip Kelly is almost single handedly responsible for the 49ers offense not being a disaster against the Rams). Here’s your players to consider for week 2 FAAB (Free Agent Auction Bidding) waiver claims. All prices for $100 budgets so if your starting budget is not $100, view them as percentages.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull: Chris Hogan, A Glitch in the Matrix?

September 13, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 12 Comments

by: Son

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Recently, Bank of America Merrill Lynch said there’s a “20%-50% chance that we’re living in the matrix.” Are they sowing the seeds for their next great transfer of wealth scheme? Okay, I’ll take off my tinfoil hat. If we are living in a matrix, then it makes sense that we continue to mine the data and utilize statistical analysis for the fake game that we all love so much. But, sometimes there are observations made outside of the numbers that can focus our attention on a particularly useful piece of information…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

San Francisco Has Successful Gabbortion

September 13, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 157 Comments

by: Jay

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I probably should have found a 49ers highlight to go with the title, but there weren’t any. I’m serious.

What a night of football! Said no one ever. In what was probably a taste of things to come for all future Monday Night Football games, the opening salvo of last night’s double-header extravaganza (the sarcasm is already palpable) of the Steelers versus Washington and the Rams versus the 49ers was all I needed to further convince me that Mondays in general should never exist. In an evening that started with some promise for Washington, they soon returned to their normal NFC East ways, and funny how that return also matched the return of O.G. Cousins. Which also seems like a cool rap name. The Steelers soon took over the game because that’s what happens when a NFL defense lets you do whatever you want. The fact that Washington are 2-15 at home on Monday nights and 5-20 in their last 25 primetime games might have something to do with it too. I’m not sure what, but that’s an astounding stat. And so last night, as that first game winded down, a sadness deep in my heart rose, anticipating what was soon to come. And that was the Rams and 49ers game, a battle that will probably end up determining which team reaches 5-11 and 4-12, respectively. God is good, some say, and I believe this is why I’m an atheist. And yeah, the Steelers and 49ers ended up winning, but I’m pretty sure we all lost for it. And one thing’s for sure, after Keenan Allen died, along with the Chargers morale for the rest of the season, I think we know which is the best California team now: the Raiders. And the Stanford Marching Band.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 1: Steelers vs. Washington and Rams vs. 49ers

September 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 11 Comments

by: Jay

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Ah yes, the dreaded Monday Night Football opener, showcasing four teams that you sorta-kinda are interested in, but not really and would probably just put on as background noise if this was Week 10. So basically any other Monday Night Football game not including the opener. While the concept is of a doubleheader on Monday is pretty cool, the execution of it isn’t, much like a queef. Why? Well, even though we still have a year of Chris Berman left, we still have to actually sit through a year of having Chris Berman. That’s check number one. Number two, this is the production team that gave you the Chip Kelly “Fast Tempo” clock when the Eagles played, marveling Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico by giving him a clock that basically counted up instead of down. Jesus. And this is also the same production crew that brought you a couple years of Ray Lewis’… whatever you call it. You say words, I say ear stabbings. He’s stabby. Not much you can do about that. True, they replaced him with Randy Moss, but really, if I still have to listen to Steve Young’s hot takes, I’m not sure where improvement will come from. At the very least, they actually do show football, the one redeeming feature of ESPN’s Monday presentation, and tonight we’re in for a special treat, a team with an alleged rapist quarterback, a team with a racist name, a team that strives for mediocrity on a yearly basis (Los Angeles will love that, I’m sure) and a team that’s just plain bad. Monday Night Football!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Pigskinator and DFSBot

September 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Tools | 59 Comments

by: Jay

If you missed it this past weekend, we introduced a brand new tool called: The Pigskinator (along with a brand new DFSBot). If it sounds familiar, I blame Arnold Schwarzenegger (aka, the spellcheck destroyer). Also, it’s because this tool is based on the very successful and highly used Hitter-tron and Stream-o-Nator over on our Baseball site. The foundation of these tools, which can be found in our menu above, was based on either dark wizardry or black magic, depending on what level sorcerer Rudy is. I’m assuming he’s a level 96 dark mage, but I could be mistaken from how powerful his +9 to magic missile amulet is. I have no idea where this joke is going, but I’m sure the nerds loved it. Regardless, I’d like to kinda go over how I used the tools this past weekend, and how they might help you in a real sense. Other than a fake sense, which doesn’t seem helpful at all…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Keenan Allen, ACLU Alum

September 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 116 Comments

by: Jay

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Well, on a day where Jim Nantz called a pregame 9/11 memorial a 9/11 celebration, there really isn’t anywhere to go other than down… Or maybe I’m just talking in the context of the Chargers. And yes, I think I’ve written this before, but as one of the few Chargers fans in the industry (there are dozes of us, dozens!), I actually try really hard not to wax poetic about this team, an anti-bias if you will. (Except for Philip Rivers, he’s a flower.) Though, it could also be because injuries and disappointment have been a yearly routine for the Chargers, so plugging in a fork is probably more preferable than writing about them. Regardless, I only try to focus on them when it is absolutely necessary, because, believe me, I’d rather not write about how they lost yesterday despite having a 24-point lead at the half, nor would I want to mention that the Chiefs had the biggest comeback in franchise history, especially since both of those things would probably put someone like myself on suicide watch… But I do probably need to discuss Keenan Allen‘s non-contact knee injury that occurred before the half, which required a cart and hospital visit. It has now been confirmed to be an ACL tear, and based on my extensive health knowledge and degree in orthopedics (haha, my mother wishes!), I can come to the determination that this is bad. Like, season-ending bad. Also, knees continue to be a weak point in human anatomy. Also possibly groins. And this will not only cause ripple effects in football, but fantasy football as well. I think it’s fair to assume that Allen will be out the rest of the year, and here’s who will be affected positively by it: Travis Benjamin, Tyrell Williams, and Dontrelle Inman. To a lesser extent? Antonio Gates and Danny Woodhead. Here’s who will be affected negatively by it: My liver.

We’ll go over it a bit more along with all the other news and notes from yesterdays games after the jump…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 1: Patriots vs. Cardinals

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 19 Comments

by: Jay

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Real question, is this the first Sunday Night Football game of the week, or is this the second? True, I believe you could technically call the game a few days ago Thursday Night Football, because, you know, the game was on Thursday. But we didn’t get the “NFL/CBS” production, a combination that I still believe is the end of the world as we know it. Trust me, every time I see Phil Simms open his mouth at Jim Nantz’s bidding, tell me you don’t see visions of a huge asteroid hitting the earth… I sure do. Then again, you could probably consider it a blessing in that situation. Regardless, we got the NBC production crew, and I’m actually trying to recall how they addressed themselves on that day. I’m sure they called it Thursday Night Football, but I don’t really have any recollection. It could be because Cris Collinsworth causes me to go into a medically-induced coma whenever he starts talking about his loving relationship with offensive lineman. WE GET IT CRIS, YOU’RE IN LOVE. KISS ALREADY. But at this point, I think it’s safe to say that I was able to fill enough space in the lede without talking about the actual game, because honestly, there is no Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski, and it’s at Arizona. I’m pretty sure I know how this going to go…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Late Games Live Thread, Week 1

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 27 Comments

by: Jay

It's gonna be a long year for these Cowboys...

I have to admit, after including some thoughts on today’s remembrance in our earlier live thread, I think the pre-ceremonies around the league were handled pretty nicely for an event that will forever live in infamy. (Hey, if you’re going to quote someone, might as well be one of the best.) And speaking of the today’s earlier live thread, I would be remiss not to mention again that while I’m completely ecstatic that football has returned, and even doubly ecstatic (is that a thing?) that my Chargers are looking pretty good right now against the Chiefs, that for the general NFL fan, there really wasn’t any premiere matchups to open up the first Sunday of the regular season. No pizzazz. No jazz hands, if you will. And if you didn’t know, Football and jazz hands are like pees and carrots, Jet Li and Delroy Lindo, Tom Brady and uggs,… you get the point. But does the afternoon slate give us a bit more in terms of storylines and rivalries? I feel like it’s a resounding MAYBE. That’s how we do resounding here folks, all caps. Forget the Dolphins and Seahawks, or even the Lions and Colts, no, the focus should be on the NFC East matchup between the Giants and Cowboys. Romoless Cowboys, sure, but with all the derp you get from this division, you basically had me at “NFC Eeee”. Speak no further, I’M F*CKING IN. We’ll see the debut of Dax Prescott, Eli Manning consistently throwing it 10 feet away from Odell Beckham Jr. just to see what happens, and of course Troy Aikman and Joe Buck. The last one isn’t really a highlight, but more a cry for help. Or, you know, a reminder to use horse tranquilizers to get through it all…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Early Games Live Thread, Week 1

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 81 Comments

by: Jay

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With the Panthers and Broncos Super Bowl 50 rematch in the books thanks to Graham Ganope doing his best impersonation of Blair Walsh, or, you know, the O.G.: Billy Cundiff, the first Sunday of Football has finally arrived! And what a plethora of choices to choose from in the morning portion of today’s schedule… so many historic matchups, so many engrossing storylines… we have the Packers visiting the Jaguars… uh, err. Okay, never mind with that one. We have the Bills taking on the Ravens. Uhhhh no. Hmm. Bears at Texans? Eh… Okay, okay, we have the Browns at the Eagles! Actually, what the f*ck? Oh, wait everyone, I found an interdivisional game with a storyline to boot… the Buccaneers take on the Falcons! Sh*t, that’s from the NFC South, the NFL’s very own dumpster fire. Vikings at Titans? Seriously? Bengals at Jets… Raiders at Saints… Chargers at Chiefs? Okay, honestly, what is going on here? Yeah, excuse me, NFL scheduler? Yeah, you should probably drive over to my house so I can promptly punch you in the ear. Sigh. It’s like they know that we haven’t had any real football for the last 20 years and they are getting rid of all these terrible games in the first week. I’d respect the strategy if I wasn’t stuck watching the execution. Welp, might as well check out the Browns and Eagles, that seems like a game that could reach derp level ten in no time… or cause profound alcohol consumption. Seems good.

Oh, before we get to our updated rankings and all of your lineup questions, if you missed it, Rudy released the Pigskinator (which can be accessed from our Menu above or by clicking here). These tools provide you with in-season weekly projections that you can use on a game-by-game basis. In addition, we also unveiled a brand new Daily Fantasy Bot that’ll help you win some of that cash monies, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s money, so you could say I’m a fan. Check these out, as they are completely free to use for the next four weeks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?