San Francisco Has Successful Gabbortion

September 13, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 157 Comments

brownthrust

I probably should have found a 49ers highlight to go with the title, but there weren’t any. I’m serious.

What a night of football! Said no one ever. In what was probably a taste of things to come for all future Monday Night Football games, the opening salvo of last night’s double-header extravaganza (the sarcasm is already palpable) of the Steelers versus Washington and the Rams versus the 49ers was all I needed to further convince me that Mondays in general should never exist. In an evening that started with some promise for Washington, they soon returned to their normal NFC East ways, and funny how that return also matched the return of O.G. Cousins. Which also seems like a cool rap name. The Steelers soon took over the game because that’s what happens when a NFL defense lets you do whatever you want. The fact that Washington are 2-15 at home on Monday nights and 5-20 in their last 25 primetime games might have something to do with it too. I’m not sure what, but that’s an astounding stat. And so last night, as that first game winded down, a sadness deep in my heart rose, anticipating what was soon to come. And that was the Rams and 49ers game, a battle that will probably end up determining which team reaches 5-11 and 4-12, respectively. God is good, some say, and I believe this is why I’m an atheist. And yeah, the Steelers and 49ers ended up winning, but I’m pretty sure we all lost for it. And one thing’s for sure, after Keenan Allen died, along with the Chargers morale for the rest of the season, I think we know which is the best California team now: the Raiders. And the Stanford Marching Band.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 1: Steelers vs. Washington and Rams vs. 49ers

by: Jay

dsk

Ah yes, the dreaded Monday Night Football opener, showcasing four teams that you sorta-kinda are interested in, but not really and would probably just put on as background noise if this was Week 10. So basically any other Monday Night Football game not including the opener. While the concept is of a doubleheader on Monday is pretty cool, the execution of it isn’t, much like a queef. Why? Well, even though we still have a year of Chris Berman left, we still have to actually sit through a year of having Chris Berman. That’s check number one. Number two, this is the production team that gave you the Chip Kelly “Fast Tempo” clock when the Eagles played, marveling Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico by giving him a clock that basically counted up instead of down. Jesus. And this is also the same production crew that brought you a couple years of Ray Lewis’… whatever you call it. You say words, I say ear stabbings. He’s stabby. Not much you can do about that. True, they replaced him with Randy Moss, but really, if I still have to listen to Steve Young’s hot takes, I’m not sure where improvement will come from. At the very least, they actually do show football, the one redeeming feature of ESPN’s Monday presentation, and tonight we’re in for a special treat, a team with an alleged rapist quarterback, a team with a racist name, a team that strives for mediocrity on a yearly basis (Los Angeles will love that, I’m sure) and a team that’s just plain bad. Monday Night Football!

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The Pigskinator and DFSBot

September 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Tools | 59 Comments

by: Jay

If you missed it this past weekend, we introduced a brand new tool called: The Pigskinator (along with a brand new DFSBot). If it sounds familiar, I blame Arnold Schwarzenegger (aka, the spellcheck destroyer). Also, it’s because this tool is based on the very successful and highly used Hitter-tron and Stream-o-Nator over on our Baseball site. The foundation of these tools, which can be found in our menu above, was based on either dark wizardry or black magic, depending on what level sorcerer Rudy is. I’m assuming he’s a level 96 dark mage, but I could be mistaken from how powerful his +9 to magic missile amulet is. I have no idea where this joke is going, but I’m sure the nerds loved it. Regardless, I’d like to kinda go over how I used the tools this past weekend, and how they might help you in a real sense. Other than a fake sense, which doesn’t seem helpful at all…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Keenan Allen, ACLU Alum

September 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 116 Comments

by: Jay

2481001_sd_sp_chargers_chiefs_0911_057_1_r900x493

Well, on a day where Jim Nantz called a pregame 9/11 memorial a 9/11 celebration, there really isn’t anywhere to go other than down… Or maybe I’m just talking in the context of the Chargers. And yes, I think I’ve written this before, but as one of the few Chargers fans in the industry (there are dozes of us, dozens!), I actually try really hard not to wax poetic about this team, an anti-bias if you will. (Except for Philip Rivers, he’s a flower.) Though, it could also be because injuries and disappointment have been a yearly routine for the Chargers, so plugging in a fork is probably more preferable than writing about them. Regardless, I only try to focus on them when it is absolutely necessary, because, believe me, I’d rather not write about how they lost yesterday despite having a 24-point lead at the half, nor would I want to mention that the Chiefs had the biggest comeback in franchise history, especially since both of those things would probably put someone like myself on suicide watch… But I do probably need to discuss Keenan Allen‘s non-contact knee injury that occurred before the half, which required a cart and hospital visit. It has now been confirmed to be an ACL tear, and based on my extensive health knowledge and degree in orthopedics (haha, my mother wishes!), I can come to the determination that this is bad. Like, season-ending bad. Also, knees continue to be a weak point in human anatomy. Also possibly groins. And this will not only cause ripple effects in football, but fantasy football as well. I think it’s fair to assume that Allen will be out the rest of the year, and here’s who will be affected positively by it: Travis Benjamin, Tyrell Williams, and Dontrelle Inman. To a lesser extent? Antonio Gates and Danny Woodhead. Here’s who will be affected negatively by it: My liver.

We’ll go over it a bit more along with all the other news and notes from yesterdays games after the jump…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 1: Patriots vs. Cardinals

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 19 Comments

by: Jay

johnbrowntdcel

Real question, is this the first Sunday Night Football game of the week, or is this the second? True, I believe you could technically call the game a few days ago Thursday Night Football, because, you know, the game was on Thursday. But we didn’t get the “NFL/CBS” production, a combination that I still believe is the end of the world as we know it. Trust me, every time I see Phil Simms open his mouth at Jim Nantz’s bidding, tell me you don’t see visions of a huge asteroid hitting the earth… I sure do. Then again, you could probably consider it a blessing in that situation. Regardless, we got the NBC production crew, and I’m actually trying to recall how they addressed themselves on that day. I’m sure they called it Thursday Night Football, but I don’t really have any recollection. It could be because Cris Collinsworth causes me to go into a medically-induced coma whenever he starts talking about his loving relationship with offensive lineman. WE GET IT CRIS, YOU’RE IN LOVE. KISS ALREADY. But at this point, I think it’s safe to say that I was able to fill enough space in the lede without talking about the actual game, because honestly, there is no Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski, and it’s at Arizona. I’m pretty sure I know how this going to go…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Late Games Live Thread, Week 1

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 27 Comments

by: Jay

It's gonna be a long year for these Cowboys...

I have to admit, after including some thoughts on today’s remembrance in our earlier live thread, I think the pre-ceremonies around the league were handled pretty nicely for an event that will forever live in infamy. (Hey, if you’re going to quote someone, might as well be one of the best.) And speaking of the today’s earlier live thread, I would be remiss not to mention again that while I’m completely ecstatic that football has returned, and even doubly ecstatic (is that a thing?) that my Chargers are looking pretty good right now against the Chiefs, that for the general NFL fan, there really wasn’t any premiere matchups to open up the first Sunday of the regular season. No pizzazz. No jazz hands, if you will. And if you didn’t know, Football and jazz hands are like pees and carrots, Jet Li and Delroy Lindo, Tom Brady and uggs,… you get the point. But does the afternoon slate give us a bit more in terms of storylines and rivalries? I feel like it’s a resounding MAYBE. That’s how we do resounding here folks, all caps. Forget the Dolphins and Seahawks, or even the Lions and Colts, no, the focus should be on the NFC East matchup between the Giants and Cowboys. Romoless Cowboys, sure, but with all the derp you get from this division, you basically had me at “NFC Eeee”. Speak no further, I’M F*CKING IN. We’ll see the debut of Dax Prescott, Eli Manning consistently throwing it 10 feet away from Odell Beckham Jr. just to see what happens, and of course Troy Aikman and Joe Buck. The last one isn’t really a highlight, but more a cry for help. Or, you know, a reminder to use horse tranquilizers to get through it all…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Early Games Live Thread, Week 1

September 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 81 Comments

by: Jay

iggle

With the Panthers and Broncos Super Bowl 50 rematch in the books thanks to Graham Ganope doing his best impersonation of Blair Walsh, or, you know, the O.G.: Billy Cundiff, the first Sunday of Football has finally arrived! And what a plethora of choices to choose from in the morning portion of today’s schedule… so many historic matchups, so many engrossing storylines… we have the Packers visiting the Jaguars… uh, err. Okay, never mind with that one. We have the Bills taking on the Ravens. Uhhhh no. Hmm. Bears at Texans? Eh… Okay, okay, we have the Browns at the Eagles! Actually, what the f*ck? Oh, wait everyone, I found an interdivisional game with a storyline to boot… the Buccaneers take on the Falcons! Sh*t, that’s from the NFC South, the NFL’s very own dumpster fire. Vikings at Titans? Seriously? Bengals at Jets… Raiders at Saints… Chargers at Chiefs? Okay, honestly, what is going on here? Yeah, excuse me, NFL scheduler? Yeah, you should probably drive over to my house so I can promptly punch you in the ear. Sigh. It’s like they know that we haven’t had any real football for the last 20 years and they are getting rid of all these terrible games in the first week. I’d respect the strategy if I wasn’t stuck watching the execution. Welp, might as well check out the Browns and Eagles, that seems like a game that could reach derp level ten in no time… or cause profound alcohol consumption. Seems good.

Oh, before we get to our updated rankings and all of your lineup questions, if you missed it, Rudy released the Pigskinator (which can be accessed from our Menu above or by clicking here). These tools provide you with in-season weekly projections that you can use on a game-by-game basis. In addition, we also unveiled a brand new Daily Fantasy Bot that’ll help you win some of that cash monies, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s money, so you could say I’m a fan. Check these out, as they are completely free to use for the next four weeks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Birth of Pigskinonator (aka Razzball Weekly In-Season NFL Projections Now Live)

September 10, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Tools | 11 Comments

by: Rudy Gamble

Greetings from the secret, WiFi-enabled Razzball bunker! It has taken a while but we finally got our robots to broaden their heretofore MLB-limited expertise and start cranking out NFL in-season projections for both season-long (Standard, 1/2 PPR, PPR) and DFS.

It has been a mad sprint to being ready opening day so I don’t have all the documentation to share but hoping the below summary will suffice for now.

Before I lose those of you who have no interest in how the sausage is made, we’re making both the season-long and DFS projections free for the first 4 weeks of the NFL Season. Below are the links (also can be found under Tools in the top menu). Player pages should be up shortly (ETA end of next week).

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Ambulance Chasers, Week 1: What You Need To Know

September 10, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Injury Report | 9 Comments

by: Joseph Patrick

The kickoff to the regular season is fast approaching which means your Week 1 fantasy matchup is also just around the corner. Whether you’ve already drafted or your league waits until the last possible minute, there are key injuries you need to keep in mind when setting your lineups for Week 1 and thinking about your championship strategy. With that in mind, here are a few key players with injuries you’ll want to watch…

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Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em, Week 1: Murray-Up Offense

September 10, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 61 Comments

by: Zach

latavius-murray

Football is back, and better than ever. After an offseason that felt like it lasted forever, we finally get to sit back, relax and enjoy some games that count. It seems like ages ago Cam Newton left his press conference. But here we are. For me, it means benching the wrong player at 12:59 pm. But (hopefully) you will not make any wrong decisions this year en route to that coveted fantasy title. It’s time to forget about 2015, and focus on the year ahead.

Although the mentality of Week 1 of the NFL Season in a fantasy sense means to just start the players that we drafted in order, this might not always be the case with a lot of fantasy teams. Especially for the owners that drafted Jamaal Charles in the 2nd-round. Players like Jameis Winston, Blake Bortles, Jeremy Hill, Adrian Peterson, DeMarco Murray, Mike Evans, and even Jarvis Landry all have either bad or less-than-ideal matchups to kick off the NFL season. I always advocate the strategy of “never bench your studs”, however, if we can definitely upgrade at a position to maximize the upside in our starting lineup, we should go for it. Simply put, Week 1 isn’t a guarantee.

Many teams enter Sunday with high hopes for the 2016 season. But one team in particular is looking to have a season like no other in the past few years. The Oakland Raiders enter the year with great young talent, veteran leadership where it matters the most, and to capitalize on a weakened division with play from their high-powered offense.

And their running back is at the forefront of it all. So let’s get to it…

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Deep Impact, Week 1: Braxton Can Un-Break Your Lineup

September 9, 2016 | 2016 Deep Leagues, 2016 Fantasy Football | 20 Comments

by: Alex Lee

Welcome to this week’s edition of “Dope Imports”, our regular series evaluating the foreign drug trade in the United States. This week, we’ll take a look at drugs coming from Mexico, and hoo boy folks that Donald Trump character may have a few good… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will be yet another installment of Deep Impact, and also that I am a garbage human being. For those who haven’t been keeping up, this is the series for deep league players seeking fliers so far below the radar that LOOK OUT THEY FLEW RIGHT PAST YOU. Man, that was a close call. For those of you who have been reading, of course you have; look at how intelligent you are and how great you look in a bowtie. Why don’t you wear it more often?

As you’re aware if you live near a TV, computer, radio, newspaper stand, or town crier, Week 1 of the NFL season is upon us. Our previous editions of this series have focused on some players to target in deep formats. Now that the season is beginning, we’ll focus on two types of players: ones to consider playing this week that are very low owned (10% owned or less in Yahoo leagues), and players to consider stashing for later use (using the same 10% threshold). If you want standard league guidance for Week 1 streaming options refer to yesterday’s post by the Unbreakable MB, which had some quality players to choose from, including some below our threshold. Here, we’re going for the deepest cuts only. If you play in standard formats, I’d advise just keeping an eye on these guys for the time being. If you’re wading in deeper waters and have some early season injury issues or matchup concerns, get ready to take the plunge…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Razzball Dream League, Episode 2: Picking the Draft Order

September 9, 2016 | 2016 Dream League, 2016 Fantasy Football | 3 Comments

by: Keegan

We know you guys couldn’t wait any longer to see episode two of the Razzball Dream League, so here it is. We apologize for the delay. You can blame Sauce, who sent his video in eight years late, yet it’s still the worst quality video I have ever seen in my life. Is it that hard to take a video of your face? Tehol also screwed up the draft order because he forgot what number he was on, so typical. Speaking of typical, this is so rigged. Tehol, the commish picking the draft order, SOMEHOW ends up with the number one pick. He must have a bromance with Antonio Brown just like he does with Tyrod Taylor.

I don’t really have anything else to say here. Watch after the jump and comment below who you think will be crowned champion of this league!

Please, blog, may I have some more?