Disgraces and Delights, Week 7: Captain Kirk, Take Me Where No Man Has Taken Me Before

October 21, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 137 Comments

Greetings! There ain’t no rest for the wicked, so I must push forward even while desiring nothing more than a hot bubble bath and a 500th viewing of the Paris Hilton sex tape. It’s a been a long day, a long week for that matter, as the Seattle Seahawks crumbled in the fourth quarter like Nicolas Cage the last time he auditioned in front of Scorsese. Now they travel to face their former archrival, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Elder Gods have been sending me signs all week that the final result will send me into the sort of life-altering tailspin that I read about in James Frey’s biography, A Million Little Pieces. You know, the one that turned out to be completely made up after he melted the hearts of Americans everywhere, letting us know that however screwed up we were, that we could overcome any obstacles in our path? Oh powerful Elders, I ask you here and now to bless me with a team I can get behind. Something to believe in to carry me through the unbearable tortures that life bestows upon us! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

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Through the Wire, Week 7: Hoyer Voyeur

by: Geoff

Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today to discuss a problem that affects us all. That problem is Peyton Manning. Let’s imagine for a moment that all of you are as dumb as the author of this article, and you drafted Manning. I drafted him a lot, like all over. So before you look at me with judgmental stares, understand I’m not very smart, and I make it usual practice to kill as many brain cells as possible. So now that we’ve established the problem (Manning), and the reasons behind it (my lack of intellectual capacity). It’s time to discuss some solutions, and how we can triage this problem. Yes, I really wanted to use “triage” in a sentence…. Let’s begin by saying it’s the Broncos bye week, so even if for some God forsaken reason you decide to hold onto old fuss and feathers, you’re going to need a fill-in. For the rest of us rational thinking normies, we need a replacement. So begins our Wavier Wire adds for Week 7.

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Bear or Bull: The Return of Jafar

October 20, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 27 Comments

by: Son

In 2012, safety Donte Whitner said Colin Kaepernick’s nickname was Jafar from Aladdin. Works for me. But Jafar was the villain. And Kaepernick is a hero. He led the 49ers to the Super Bowl in his first year as the starter. Ron Jaworski said, “I truly believe Colin Kaepernick could be one of the greatest quarterbacks ever.” Then things started to change. Defenses figured out the read-option. As his weaknesses were exposed, the criticism mounted. Trent Dilfer in 2013 said, “While Kaepernick remains an incredible player and an incredible athlete, his development as a passer has ‘plateaued’ this season, and he hasn’t made enough progress in his second season as a starter.” The hero was slowly turning into the villain.

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The Benchwarmers, Week 7: Barnidge Burner

October 20, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 9 Comments

by: Doug

Luckily there are no major injuries this week that would kill fantasy football owners. Minor injuries? Sure, but that’s what I’m here for. To tell you who to stash, drop, and even start as well. This week, it’s time to part ways with some of our high draft picks even though my heart is literally in pain having to tell you some of them. Even though I did love some of them, I don’t as much anymore and have to let them go for the next “hot thing” to come along.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFC East Wars: The Derp Awakens

October 20, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 100 Comments

by: Jay

Everyone have their Philadelphia-patented projectiles ready? Good. Let’s go. Let me just establish right off the bat, I did this. I’m the one who asked for derp. And the derp Gods did not disappoint in the slightest. In fact, the only competent thing about last night’s game was the premier of the newest Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer, (which you can watch after the jump if you missed it, I’ve already watching it like 98 times… in the past hour). To make an apt Grudenism: “THIS GAME, I CALL IT “EPISODE I”, BECAUSE WE’RE HERE FOR STAR WARS, BUT WE’RE SEEING A SH*T-SHOW INSTEAD.” Honestly, if you watched this game, you wonder if Tom Coughlin might be the one to retire before either Manning. And I include Eli, because it might have been a possibility during half time. There were three fumbles, three interceptions, penalties galore, an injured middle-linebacker… and that was just the Eagles! So here’s a very technical football question for everyone: how did they win? Remember, we’re talking about the hurry up three-and-out offense that the Raiders perfected, and that Chip Kelly added his own uniqueness to this season, that was in full force last night… It’s almost as if the teams were playing each other knowing that the winner would win an all expense paid trip to Somalia. So here we are. The Giants beat Washington. Washington beat the Eagles. And the Eagles have now beaten the Giants. The circle of… derp? Yeah, I think so.

Note: I’d like to congratulate the winner of the FanDuel Razzball Contest that ended last night. “ksmily06” was the winner of our 55-player league, and comes away with $60.00 and a free buy-in the upcoming week’s million dollar contest (a $25.00 value)! All top-12 finishers ended up part of the prize pool, and don’t worry, if you missed out on this contest, you can join in the next contest starting this Thursday!

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Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 6: Giants vs. Eagles

October 19, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 14 Comments

by: Jay

As any Razzball reader would attest, to me, these NFC East games are always considered to be beautiful bundles of absolute derp. The last prime time divisional match-up was in Week 3 when Washington took on the Giants. In that Thursday Night Live Thread, I had mentioned that the Cowboys and Giants games usually provided enough for my own personal derp quota (along with Washington versus the Gaints), and I feel like I left out this particular divisional rivalry, which has had it’s own highlight moments and unique (lol) fan experiences. This season’s first divisional game between the two teams is interesting in that we get to make fun of Chip Kelly more for being so innovative this offseason, and also keep a close look on Eli Manning to see if he’s learned anything about clock management. To his credit, Manning’s already surpassed Andy Reid in that area. There’s a lot at stake tonight, as we are approaching the half-point of the season still waiting for a team to take advantage of the Cowboys injuries which should have gifted first place to whatever team wanted it. Like a incredulous bizarro game of hot potato, not one NFC East team has taken the bait, and all seem content wasting away in the great football ocean of mediocrity. Which could also describe the Atlantic. So here we are, Monday Night Football and the battle for first place in the NFC East. Smart money says this ends in a tie…

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In Soviet Indianapolis, Blount Smokes You

October 19, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 73 Comments

by: Jay

Good god, what was that?

In what, dare I say, was a pretty good football game for a majority of the time (let’s just agree to not include a very morose and slug-paced fourth quarter), the Patriots continued their trend of ~~deflating balls~~, ~~cheating~~, ~~receiving biased officiating~~, beating the Colts, which, based on recent history, was really no surprise. However, as I mentioned in last night’s Sunday Night Football Live Thread, this game really had no business being close, and it’s a testament to either Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis offense playing competently or the New England defense not being as good as we thought. In this case, it might have been a little of both (not including fourth downs, as shown above). But eventually, nature was able to drive the score to it’s most natural environment when mistakes from the Colts started to stack, all with a heaping side of LeGarrette Blount to help drive it all home. Which leads me to wonder, when the Colts draft defensive players, do they make sure that they can’t tackle first? Haha, just kidding, the Colts only draft wide receivers. With the win, the Patriots continue, along with the Bengals, Broncos, Packers, and Panthers to be the only unbeaten teams through Week 6. I’d say half of those teams are mediocre and the other half deserve their record. I’ll let you figure out which team gets the 0.5 left over from that equation…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 6: Patriots vs. Colts

October 18, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 34 Comments

by: Jay

In what used to be an interesting rivalry back when it when it was Tom Brady against Peyton Manning, the new iteration of Tom Brady versus Andrew Luck hasn’t really lived up to the past, especially when you include the amount of deflating balls we’ve witnessed. Well, to be honest, not even the past has lived up to the past, with the Patriots firmly winning most of these match-ups no matter who the quarterback was. This season’s annual Patriots and Colts game seems no different, as New England is favored to win this game by an estimated bajillion points. So many points, that there were a few in Indianapolis that thought benching Andrew Luck was not such a bad idea. To be fair, only a few actually live in Indiana, so I’m not sure how strong that argument is. That being said, this being a Sunday Night Football game, I’m sure we’re going to get the best game that football could ever offer in all of our lives. LOL.

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Late Games Live Thread, Week 6

October 18, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 23 Comments

by: Jay

Well, despite my completely abnormal and masochistic homerism of my Chargers, I do try (really!) not to focus them unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. That allows you, the reader, not to be inundated by Chargers analysis and commentary ad nauseam (nausea also works here) and also allows me not to look so terrible when I say something positive about my Chargers and them going ahead and doing what they do best, and that’s sh*t the bed. This week though, I don’t really have a choice with the Late Games Live Thread, seeing has how the Ravens and 49ers game would have been more entertaining if it didn’t involve either the Ravens or the 49ers, and while the Seahawks certainly have a level of popular notoriety, only about 10 people live in Carolina (either one) and I’m sick of watching people throw fish. I lived there for almost a decade, we have more than that and Space Needle! Regardless, the Chargers are coming off a Monday night loss against the Michael Vick led Steelers, and seeing as how he went something like 2-for-4 with -8 passing yard today, I’m just going to go ahead and witness the Packers destroying any semblance of happiness I could had left this Sunday.

For the record though, the Chargers have one game per season where they overachieve and somehow manage to win against a heavily favored opponent. Is this that game? Totally! (Homerism alert.)

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Early Games Live Thread, Week 6

October 18, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 114 Comments

by: Jay

Peak Lions.

I usually dedicate this space for what is the marquee match-up of the time slot. True, I dictate those decisions, so there’s a measure of bias, to be sure. Which is why you should feel lucky that the Chargers aren’t playing until this afternoon, but looking at the schedule for all the early games today, there is something strikingly lacking. And that’s a marquee game, as you might have sensed, there are none. But more than that, there are literally no compelling games whatsoever, probably a first since, well, whenever the last Browns and Buccaneers were playing against each other. Washington versus the Jets? Meh. Cardinals against a Benless Steelers? Eh. Chiefs without Charles visiting the Vikings? Eeesh. Texans against the Jaguars? Holy sh*t. So let’s just focus on what is probably the worst game of the week, and that’s the race to the bottom of the NFC North by the Bears and the 0-5 Lions. Haha, just kidding. Like anybody wants to hear about that…

Rankings have been updated for today’s games and can be found here.

Join myself and your peers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Start ’em and Sit ’em, Week 6: I Like My Blount’s Laced with TDs

October 17, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 114 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Greetings! What an exceptional birthday week I just received! I’d like to start by thanking the Elder Gods with continuing to bless me with great health (physically, anyways), and I’d like to thank the big boss Jay(Wrong), for giving me a day off to fully soak in the reality that I am no longer flexible enough to shave my own ass. Yoga it is! What a wonderful place to meet open-minded women! Anyways, I’m a year older, a year wiser, and a WHOLE LOT better at projecting NFL players’s production… hopefully… maybe… okay, so probably not, but I can still have an awesome time trying! Big daddy needs to hit the gym, so let’s get to players I like and dislike this week, aaaaahkay?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start Em’, Sit Em’! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow Razzball readers in a special Razzball only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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RCL Update, Week 6: Pack and Pork Rinds

October 16, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Razzball Commenter Leagues | 6 Comments

by: J-FOH

Last week I tried to lure Jay into a Chargers trap. The results left me thinking, I just wasn’t trying hard enough. It made me wonder what the Chargers fans worst case scenario would be… and that would be the L.A. Rams (which I want), the St. Louis Chargers, and the San Diego Raiders. [Jay’s Note: I’ve lived both in San Diego and Los Angeles, so I wouldn’t really care what city they call home, but if St. Louis can’t support the Rams, I doubt the NFL will want to return there for quite a while…] Now before you call me cray-cray, hear me out. The Raiders are known to be a little evil on the management side when it comes to moving, remember Irwindale? The Chargers biggest rival is the Raiders, and after this clip, I would have to wonder if this stadium sharing would work? The Chargers have no money, or so they allege, and after the Rams get L.A., there will be a better opportunity in that nice riverfront stadium in St. Louis for the Chargers. The Raiders would never move there, but the Chargers, it kinda makes sense from a color scheme point of view. The fans probably wouldn’t even notice, a ram horn, a lightning bolt, what’s the difference? Actually Jay may like this, as it cuts his distance in half to attend a home game. The Raiders will then open their checkbook, get the deal done in San Diego, and be owning the stadium where they will host lots of Super Bowls. I just don’t want to watch any more of these fights… actually yes I do. Nothing like a good parking lot brawl to remind you what football is all about… drinking!

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