On behalf of all of us at Razzball, let me start by wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully you enjoyed the day filled with family, food, and football. As it has been since 2006, we got 6 games on Thanksgiving including the traditional Cowboys and Lions games. The NFL laid these games out perfectly for us as we got a boring bread and butter appetizer game between Detroit and Chicago to kick off the day. After that, we were treated to the main course which was a Dallas and Las Vegas game that had an exciting second half and even went into overtime. The Thanksgiving slate finished with a sloppy pie a la mode game between Buffalo and New Orleans. Let’s recap the appetizer, main course, and dessert games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sometimes you must know when to say goodbye. Sometimes we hold on for too long to something or someone who needs to go. Being in our lives gives us a sense of hope however false it may be. Whether you are bidding adieu to a reunited love on a tarmac, releasing your best friend back into the wild where they belong, or cutting Curtis Samuel about eight weeks later than most other fantasy managers: sometimes it is best to set them free. The playoffs are not far off and now is the time to start shaping those rosters for the tough journey ahead.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Week 10, ladies and gentlemen. 

We’ve reached a real impasse here over the halfway mark of the NFL season. Major stars are down, breakout players are rolling, and Mike White is a starting quarterback in the NFL. The draft wouldn’t be further behind us and our expectations have been subverted every step of the way. This is where winners are made and losers are born. 

Tuesday’s gone with the wind. And we’re coming up hard on Sunday morning. 

Anyway! The teams on bye this week are the Bears, Giants, Bengals, and Texans. See ya next week!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was working in the lab, late one night. When my eyes beheld an eerie sight. For my monster on his slab began to rise and suddenly to my surprise… He did the Mash. The Monster Mash

Just take these wise words in for a moment. Breathe them in. The monster… he did the mash. And don’t we all do the mash sometimes, much to the chagrin and sometimes excitement to our contemporaries? Yes, even sometimes it will truly be a “graveyard smash”. 

What was this section about? Oh uh Halloween injury report. Right. There was a thread here but I got carried away in the poetry of Bobby “Boris” Pickett & The Crypt Kickers (Side note: Here’s a great TV performance of Bobby Pickett doing the Monster Mash, a real masterclass in making really weird faces and being a weirdo).

The teams who will have some extra trick-or-treating time on bye this week are the Ravens and the Raiders. See ya next week! 

Let’s get into this week’s horror show!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is it me or are a lot of guys injured? Normally, I’d have some little cutsie intro to get into the carnage but sheesh, man! I don’t know about you but I’m getting killed out here! I actually sprained my right knee on a fishing boat last weekend and was listed as limited but here I am, dammit.

When I see the players I roster in person someday, I’m gonna tell them: If I can man up and type up a bunch of nonsense about fake football with a ligament injury, well then YOU GOTTA PLAY TOO, YOU BIG BABY!

As you can tell, this has been a tough week. Between my injury, all the injuries on my fantasy teams, and what’s happening to my Raiders… Well, we’ll get into that last part later.

And to add to the prevailing roster chaos we have our first bye week of the year! See you next week Jets, Falcons, 49ers, and Saints!

Let’s segue right into Sunday morning with an Intra-Florida showdown in London.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah, do you smell that in the air? No, it’s not the sweet hoppy smell of the IPAs flowing at Urban Meyer’s Pint House. No, that’s the smell of Football Sunday… and the smell of torn tendons and pulled hammys. That’s gotta hurt! Still probably can’t hurt as bad as I’m sure many of you out there in the ether are with depleted rosters. God bless the poor souls playing Davis Mills this week. You will be in my prayers. 

Anyway, let’s dive into this week’s injury headlines hot off the presses!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFC North fans, unite! The battle of the Lion/Pack for Northern Supremacy entertained all [does the math] 13 people who live up here, and most of them were drunk on Leinenkugels shandy that they got for cheap from the drive-thru liquor store. No, I’m not describing my night…ENYWHEY. The Packers came into the game as massive favorites over the Lions, with the ARog side getting a -560 line to win the game (that’s about 85% chance of winning, amirite degenerate majors?). So, how’d the game go? Did ARog give another thrilling postgame interview dressed in Dereliqute (that luxury-trash fashion house brand from Zoolander), or did he have a thrilling victory against the knee-capping Lions? Let’s check out the highlights! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah, well. That was a rough week one. Some amazing games, spectacular moments, and lots of injuries. It’s always a bit of shell-shock from the offseason to week one, seeing all the guys you’ve salivated over (no innuendo intended) suddenly go down with an injury, erasing all the precious production you were waiting for. But this is football after all and injuries will happen. Profound right? Maybe not but whatever, you just want to know who’s gonna post those precious stats on the board, huh? You goddamned sicko? These are human beings! You just want that sweet, sweet fantasy advice, huh dirtbag?  Well, here it is!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before I get started, it’s only Week 1 guys and gals. Aaron Rodgers won’t be held to 133 yards and throw two interceptions every week. The Titans will not be held to 13 points every game. Jameis Winston is not throwing five touchdowns every Sunday. Mark Ingram is not rushing 26 times for 85 yards and a touchdown…ever again? It’s a long season. It will take time for some teams to get into the flow while players and schemes will get figured out. Matchups also play a factor. That said, Week 1 should not be completely dismissed as there is information to be gleaned. 

One performance that stood out to me on Sunday was from Jamaal Williams of the Detroit Lions. He rushed nine times for 54 yards and a touchdown while catching eight of nine targets for 56 yards. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the very first Wright On Waivers. I will be taking over this column for the season and look forward to helping you navigate your way around the waiver wire with player suggestions to help both long and short-term needs. Your previous guide was indeed a great sherpa and wanted me to send along his best. If you have read any of my previous articles, you are aware I typically launch into these drawn-out movie tirades full of terrible analogies. I can assure you I will be focusing solely on your fantasy team this year and avoiding the proverbial opening twenty-one minutes and fifteen seconds of my favorite childhood film, Jurassic Park. Are those first twenty-one minutes important to the story? Yes. Yes, they are, but we really just want to see some dinosaurs. So, let us get to the dinosaurs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?