Deep in the hills of Los Angeles, there is a sacred space of learning that the kids call, “UCLA.” For those not familiar with the nature of university, it is like a bank where you can keep borrowing money no matter how bad your report card is. On the outskirts of UCLA, there is a junction where students spend their borrowed money. Hip shoppers stop at the Whole Foods, put their Chase Sapphire cards into a point-of-sale machine, and smile with maskless glee as the POS takes nine bucks from their account for a single watermelon. Across the street, there’s an In-N-Out, where students shout “ANIMAL STYLE” and wait for their slathered beef like it was the first co-ed on screen in a slasher film. 

In the winter, the Rose Bowl celebrates the imagined paradise that is California: the orange groves, the rose gardens, the summer nights on the beach with a Mai Tai. The RazzBowl, however, celebrates the real paradise that is California: Raiders Chargers Rams greasy burgers and expensive watermelons. And just like your friends want you to come out for one more $15 Mai Tai before taking the Uber to your dad’s condo, the RazzBowl wants you on board for the wildest ride in fantasy football. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What a time to be alive! 2020 has brought us pandemics, protests, rioting, looting and working from home in your underwear. You can cut the country’s social tension with that frosting spatula you’ve been using to itch your back. But whether you’re black, white, brown or cartoon, there’s one force with the power to unite us all: 2020 fantasy football rankings! Who’s with me? *crickets* Alright, maybe I got a little overexcited. It’s been awhile since I’ve had any human contact. Forget about six feet, I’m not allow to get within 300 feet of my girlfriend, Kerryon. But enough about the sad life of a donkey in love, here’s my top 10 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dr. Donkey Teeth and The Boof, aka Ralph Macchio, are back on the YouTube talking fantasy football for your viewing pleasure. After discussing the BIG news of the week—Carlos Hyde signed with the Seahawks—the guys taking a stroll down memory lane, reminiscing about some of their favorite fantasy players from past years including Rob Gronkowski, Randy Moss and Antonio Brown. Later the Karate Kid opens up about his anxiety in regards to trading for running backs in dynasty leagues which leads to an in depth strategic discussion about how to approach the buying and selling of RBs in dynasty. Tune in and subscribe to our YouTube channel now!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back with another podcast episode to discuss DT’s dynasty QB and TE rankings. They start with the QB position and discuss their different tendencies toward more rush heavy or pass heavy QBs in dynasty. Additionally, the guys talk their appetite for starting a dynasty roster with an elite QB and an elite TE, and which players would be worth taking early. 

B_Don brings up a few top 10 dynasty QBs for DT that they have differing opinions about their future. Starting with Kyler jumping up to 3, Josh Allen coming in at 6, and then Baker even being in the top 10 QBs. After we go through those 3, DT admits his love for the ‘stache while B_Don is less enamored with facial hair.  

At TE, we start with a discussion about whether Kittle belongs in his own tier as the sole elite dynasty TE. We check in on the second tier and discuss DT’s boy Waller and why he has him over Mark Andrews. Overall, the duo talk about the TE tiers and how they could be arranged. We go on to discuss the Bucs, Rams, and Jets TE situations, with varying opinions on where those TEs should fit in the rankings. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week I gave you my top 10 dynasty rankings for 2020 fantasy football. First there was an angry mob of readers outraged by my Miles Sanders optimism. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. An hour after the rankings dropped I glanced at my phone. A dozen missed calls, all from Kerryon. When I finally mustered up the courage to call my love back, I could hardly get a word in. “Miles Sanders at #10?! I thought we had something special. What about the weekend we had in Paris!” So it took a lot of sweet talking before KJ was back in my bed, later that night. And all was right in the world. That is until today when my Johnson sees he’s no longer in the top 20. I’ve preemptively sent flowers. Anyway, here’s my top 20 for 2020 PPR dynasty leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I wrote my original dynasty quarterback rankings while tripping on mushrooms, which led to Kyler Murray ahead of Deshaun Watson and Tua Tagovailoa ahead of Joe Burrow. Now I’ve moved on to a delightful concoction of LSD and MDMA. Because pandemics are once in a lifetime events, make the most of it. Needless to say, I’m not backing of the drug-induced hot takes. But I did make a few tweaks to my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Ravens are having a hell of an offseason after a great run in 2019. The Ravens added 2 potential stars in the draft via Patrick Queen and JK Dobbins, Lamar Jackson (enthusiastically?) acknowledged praise he received from polarizing president Donald Trump, and now we have the Earl Thomas story.

I need to know everything about this. I need the six-part Netflix documentary with the Wondery podcast to boot. When did orgies with his brother become his go-to method to blow off steam? This is all the material that Ballers needs for a one-season reboot. Are you in, Dwayne?

The details are just so perfect for our boredom without competition right now. Earl Thomas gets the standard “you drink too much” talk. Like, come on, it’s quarantine, what else is one supposed to do? He decides that group sex with his biological brother is just what he needs to forget about it all. His wife, knowing that he is up to no good, finds him via his Snapchat location (turn it off man), then grabs the strap and a couple of friends to set him straight. This Ballers script writes itself. His wife barges in, Earl dials out to The Rock. Spencer Strasmore answers his phone, “Yo Spence, I have a serious problem! My wife is craaaazy!!!” Spencer hastily blows off whatever zoom meeting he’s in about saving the 2020 NFL season, jumps in his Porsche and hollers “send me your location!” Earl fires back, “check my snap!” I could go on for pages about this, but without much happening in the sports world, I should probably save some sporadically useful material. But I do want to dive into Mark Andrews for the 2020 season. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re gonna cut right to the chase here. If you’ve been following my offseason process, you know what I look for when ranking prospects. If you are a first timer please check out this article explaining my general rationale.

Additionally, you can see the ascent and decline of various WRs since February with my pre-combine rankings and post-combine rankings.

There are some shakeups in the top 15 now that we know draft capital and landing spot. The tiers stayed mostly intact, but there was a lot of movement inside each.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Quarantine Day 25:

I made a fire in the yard today while pondering my 2020 dynasty rankings. As I gazed into the flames, a series of vivid images began to appear. The Lord of Light was sending me a divine message about dynasty quarterbacks. Or maybe the mushrooms I had eaten were starting to kick in, hard to say. Either way, a life-size image of Kyler Murray arose from the blazing inferno. The meaning was clear, this dull and uneventful 20th year after 2000 will forever be know as the year of Kyler, and nothing else. Anyway, here’s my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:   

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?