Happy Thursday everyone!  Don’t you worry your little hearts, your highly anticipated streamer article is here.  Since the Streamer Department is newer staple here at Razzball, I want to try something a little different this week.  90% of the players I write about on here I’ve written about before.  You can check those stats!  In order to stop boring you or going too in-depth with the obvious about how great a player’s matchup is, I want to keep my player descriptions short.  I also understand that all of these players are not available in every league, so I want to encourage you readers to ask more personally tailored questions in the comment section.  Josh McCown isn’t available in your league, but Teddy Bridgewater and Geno Smith are?  Gross!  But you’re probably playing Bridgewater and saying your prayers.  You don’t know what color to paint your living room?  Seafoam green!  This is why I’m here, and this is when your roster decisions matter most.  So ask me, ask Jay, ask Smokey or ask your Grandma!  The more input, the better chance we have of helping you win!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Normally, I start with a little opening about the week and dive into the picks for the waiver wire. This week, I’m going to go a little different to open…

It’s one thing to get waiver advice from this site. It’s another thing to get it from someone who is in first place. It’s even nicer when they’re the same person. That is exactly the case right now in the Razzball Writers League, where I am the top banana by myself at 6-1. Hooray for me at the halfway point. Enough chest-thumping, let’s get into the meat of the column.

This week is going to be a very key one on the waiver wire. This is Week 8 and each of the next two weeks feature six teams on bye. If you make the right move this week, you can potentially sit back and reap the benefits while your opponents scramble each week trying to make moves. First, the byes. This week, it’s San Francisco and the New York Giants. Week 9 features Atlanta, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay and Tennessee sitting out. Week 10 has Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington at home on the couch. Week 11 is a little easier with Baltimore, Dallas, the Jets and Jacksonville on a bye. And Carolina and Pittsburgh close it out on Week 12.

We’re going to have to keep this in mind as we evaluate our selections.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

A lot of people come to me and ask “How should I go about drafting a kicker?”. And I respond, “Really bro, that’s what you want to talk about?” Actually, not really. None of that ever happens, and there’s a good reason for that. First, I’m always in my mom’s basement, so no one really comes up to me to ask about anything. Secondly, no one actually cares about kickers. Okay, okay, there are *some* people who draft kickers for one reason or another, but all those reasons are wrong. The Razzball approved strategy here is: Don’t be that guy you know. Which I guess is the opposite of Velveeta’s new slogan. We aim high here folks. Look, they are what they are, and that’s a low-tier position on the totem pole of fantasy football. And that’s no joke, because the totem pole exists. Somewhere in New Mexico, with the face of Roger Goodell and Cobra Commander. Hail HYDRA!, amiright? Anyhow, let’s go over a few things about this position (that’s what she said), and then rank-o-rama starts. Prepare your alcoholic beverages…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I guess this question is really a two parter because there’s a yang to this yin. But to be honest, it’s Monday after week 16 has almost concluded. Losers need not apply. *Hears readership heading for exits*. Wait, wait, wait, did I say losers? I meant Lugers! Yeah, that’s it! You know, people who luge? Yeah, get the eff out, winter Olympic sports people! And take that Jamaican bobsled team with ya! Now where was I before I was rudely interrupted by a buncha sore Lugers…oh yeah, we were talking Fantasy Football, of course. The kind of Fantasy Football that wins championships, i.e. the bestest kind. For all the talk of JC Superstar and Knowshon this year, it’s kinda been lost in the shuffle that LeSean McCoy has been beasting all year. Ok, it’s hard to say that about @CutOnDime25 but when you think about it, it’s kinda true. Everyone talked about how he could be a fantasy stud in the off-season when Chip came to town but really, everyone was talking about Chip not him. Then Vick started the year off hot, so Michael Vick was the point of discussion. Then Vick sucked and that, of course, was the point of discussion. Then in waltzed Nick Foles who started running Chip’s offense at full steam and then he was the point of discussion. It’s odd that a guy can lead the NFL in rushing yards and be a bit of an afterthought in this game we play but that’s what happens when you’re consistently good but rarely breakout great in this game. Everyone wants week 15 JC Superstar, week 8 Megatron, week 13 Josh Gordon (will someone PLEASE give that man a nickname). But Shady has just ‘been there’. He’s had some big rushing days, don’t get me wrong as his 133 yards on the ground Sunday were his 6th 100+ yard effort of the year and he does have a 200+ yard snow game to his credit. I don’t know, maybe I’m Chris Collinsworth’ing this whole shizz and creating a narrative that doesn’t need to be made but I swear I’ve heard more about other players of this caliber over the course of the season than LeSean. Here’s to you, Shady, and the joy of the championships you brought to all those peoples out there who aren’t Lugers. In other news from week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The possibilities are nearly endless with the Bobby Rainey references. Who knew Bobby Rainey would go off for nearly 35 fantasy points and start trending on Twitter? Some of my faves include #ItsRaineyMen, #NovemberRainey, #ChocolateRainey and #SomewhereOverTheRaineyBow. Personally, I went the Milli Vanilli route because I see Bobby Rainey more fraud than Grammy winner. Now and then something comes along that is just too good to be true. Ask Sky about his investment in Planet Hollywood. One of those things was the “band” Milli Vanilli. Back in late 80’s, early 90’s, your-humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru was trapped in Top 40 radio Hell and forced to spin tunes by MC Hammer, Wilson Phillips and Roxette. I refer to those four years as my “lost weekend.” Personally, I believe we all need a few lost years or decades in our lives. It’s hard to respect someone that didn’t completely piss away their life for at least a year or two doing something crazy like follow the Grateful Dead, travel with the carnival or marry a Russian bride. Unfortunately, I wasted my time playing the lip-sync hits from Milli Vanilli. Blame it on the rain. And the free cocaine. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Amazing, isn’t it, my Razzballers? The Fantasy Football playoffs are on the immediate horizon. Seems like only yesterday we were doing mock drafts and arguing about whether to take Adrian Peterson or Doug Martin with the first pick. Hope you went AP. We were all so young, bright-eyed and hopeful then. Sing it: We are the world, we are the children. Three months later, we are a disgruntled bunch of misanthropes throwing back cheap scotch at 8 am, licking our nicotine patches and staring into the dark abyss of Week 11. If you drafted Arian Foster or Aaron Rodgers, it may be time to take up Fantasy Curling. It’s HUGE in Canada. Ask our touque wearing podcast host Nick. He bailed on his team three weeks ago to concentrate on Canada’s national pastime. For the rest of us more “serious” fantasy ballers, it’s time to start thinking a step ahead of the competition and improve our playoff seeds. There is no loyalty when it comes to this silly little game. It’s time to bail on players dragging you down. So long Trent Richardson, your dead to me. Bye, bye, Stevie Johnson, your mom’s here. Colin Kaepernick? Meet me down by the stream so I can tell you about the rabbits. We’re looking for men not mice. It’s time to make the playoff push. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?