We are here today to point out the difference between the Razzball rankings and those that ESPN has released to the masses. The first difference you’ll probably notice is that there is no Mathew Berry in our rankings. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I’ll let you decide. Because, hey, I’m just that kind of guy. Beyond that, well, ESPN certainly likes the color of red in their logo. RED EVERYWHERE. Well, touché, we also like a color. And that color is mustache, which is totally a color. Just ask Razzball founder Grey Albright. Not be outdone, I do run around with a five-day shadow on my face on most occasions, which technically counts as facial hair, and a mustache is also facial hair, ergo, the color of mustache. And sure, you could say that I’ve added some yellow to the palette with my face, but then you’d be raycess. Now that the main differences have been established, we’ll move on to things that are more fantasy relevant, well, depending on the type of fantasy that is. Hey now. So after you clear your internet history, we’ll be comparing our rankings to that of ESPN’s and their new “What the ef is this? Facebook? Are you serious” interface. Get yer knives ready!

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Lamar Miller was a surprise fantasy asset in 2014, ending as the No. 9 running back. His closing line was: 216 rushes for 1,099 yards, eight rushing touchdowns, 38 receptions for 275 yards, and one receiving touchdown. As of August 6, 2015, Miller has an ADP of 39 overall and is the 17th running back off the board. Are people expecting Milli Vanilli Part Deux? I can understand the trepidation in backing Miller. There have been many instances where players have taken fantasy owners on the Buster Douglas elevator. 2006 Cadillac Williams and 2013 Doug Martin are the two that instantly come to mind.

Entering 2015, there are six running backs that are rock solid: Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles, Eddie Lacy, Le’Veon Bell, Marshawn Lynch, and C. J. Anderson. After that, things get murky and question marks abound. Miller has an excellent chance to make hearts of fantasy degenerates everywhere flutter…

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Well, that was certainly a Sunday worth remembering. Especially if you’re like me and reset the ole’ memory banks with copious amounts of bourbon throughout the day. You could say these Sunday notes aren’t just for you, but also myself… So here we are, together in this. And together, we saw some interesting things… the Bucs, the 1-8 Bucs (in case you were confused) destroyed Washington. For context, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs. And the Panthers almost beat the Falcons. So according to that, the Panthers would probably beat Washington by 200 points. In fact, with the Raiders only mustering 200 yards of total offense, I’m pretty sure if they faced off against Washington, both teams would find a way to lose. And let’s not forget the Lions having a throwback game to the Matt Millen Era. Peyton Manning thinking it’s the month of January (to be fair, the weather has me convinced of this.) Mark Sanchez returning to form. And then there’s this… the Cardinals are now 9-1. They are now three games ahead of Seattle and San Francisco, and one has to naturally wonder, how is this possible? My answer? Two quick touchdowns and leaning on your defense for three hours… this has been done before many times. So I’m just going to go ahead and write the Cardinals in as a playoff team. In permanent marker. And then prepare myself for the end of the world.

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Last week’s boom or bust plays busted all over my screen. Andrew Luck goes for 354 and 4 TD’s without giving any love to Donte Moncrief. Oh good grief! The Colts talk him up, and then fail to pass the memo onto Mr. Luck… and all of us who played him got fu*ked. Oh well, we move on and get ourselves ready for Week 10. There are a lot of flex-filled teams on the bye this week, and I’ll be honest, I’m having trouble putting a positive spin on it. The Colts, Texans, Vikings, Patriots, Washington Football Team and Chargers are all chillin’ on sofas this weekend, leaving us scrambling to the wire or calling up a”stash” on our bench to fill the void.

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Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

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So, as you may know, or not know, and for those of you who do not know what I know that you know about what we both don’t know… uh, my computer just turned off. But, as I was saying,while having a stroke I guess, I don’t like calling myself an “expert”. Unless we are talking about browsing Redtube.com. I can do that for days. But in terms of fantasy sports, I prefer to just call myself a “writer”. A glorious and complicated descriptor, I’m sure. I have to say though, there are fantasy football experts out there, they do exist. How do I know this? Because that’s what they call themselves, and that’s okay! It’s not like they give degrees out for this stuff (though, they really should have so I would have payed a lot more attention in college…), so it is what it is. And this season, I was invited to take part in an experts league, (which I’m sure will be a surprise if you don’t read post title’s), called “The Fantasy Legends League“. Surprise! And how did your very own Jay do? Follow me after the jump to find out!

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Yes, it happened. And even though these games don’t mean anything, this epic showdown was hyped as “Harbowl 3”, letting us know that the terrorists, in fact, have won. But if there’s anything the NFL is good at, it’s hype. And also having zero self-awareness. That also tops the list. So the hype-train arrived with much fanfare last night, which is why we got to watch Denver fans boo the sh*t out of the team that destroyed them in the Super Bowl. But for fantasy, is there anything to be gleaned here in the first set of preseason games? What is gleaning, is the question here. GLEAN ME, right? Oh yes, I shall glean you. So the answer? Probably not much. And if you watch Patriot preseason games, nothing. For example, I could say that Jay Gruden’s usage of Roy Helu against the Patriots was notable, especially for PPR formats (something I actually believe). But is that usage a function of the games not counting? And what do we make of long-sustaining drives, like the first drive the Ravens had? Does it tell us their offensive line looks better and they have a more cohesive unit overall, or is it just rust and the first time these players are live-tackling? There are just way too many unknowns here, and so really the only thing that you should monitor are injuries and Brandon Weeden sightings. Just kidding on that last one. You should actually monitor your alcohol intake. Or maybe that’s just me.

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2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (Half-PPR) |  Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

So we’ve finally arrived at what many consider the Cadillac of rankings– the running back position. Though, I don’t really get the car association, seeing as how there are several other makes I’d rather own. I’d even consider some Kia’s, but that might be my half-Koreaness (is that a thing?) coming into play. Which might make it raycess. Who knows. What I do know is that Kia stands for Keeping It Awesome, and that’s all that matters. So here we are, ranking the running backs, and the first thing that I think of is a little boy’s village being attacked by a vicious tiger named Chaka Khan Shere Khan. During the attack, he gets lost in a jungle and ends up meeting a wise bear and black panther, who both talk. Which sounds like a good acid trip. Or the plot to The Jungle Book. Why this is the first thing that came to mind is the more interesting subject, but I have no idea how to tackle it. So this whole thing will have to stand on its own. Yeah, I have no clue either. Rankings forward!

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I guess this is the part of the review where I open with being impressed, right? Where I shine the light on the best player in the game and point out his virtues and then back it up with the stat line for proof. But the thing is, I don’t think I have it in me to misrepresent the facts. You see, tonight the cake was a lie. Sure, the end line for Colin Kaepernick looked nice: 15/24 for 235 and 3 passing TDs to go with 20 yards rushing. If that were on my team, I wouldn’t turn it down at all. Heck, I’d marry that end line even if it were my half-sister…sorry, lost in a few leagues this week. My desperation levels for a win knows no bounds sometimes. Take that Blue Lagoon! I just one-upped you in nastiness. And when did Brooke Shields become a man? I was not privy to this change…nevertheless, all we’re talking about is stats when we look at that Kaep end line. What we don’t talk about is game flow, defensive game plan and the quick response. The first three drives by SF took a total of 4 minutes, 22 seconds and showed how the ‘skins planned to attack SF. They told the 49ers they were gonna sell out on the run and make Kaepernick pass for the win. But when you give up as much on the ground as Washington does fantasy wise – 2nd most according to ESPN heading into Monday – and you’re still one of the worst against the pass (5th worst against opposing QBs), you’ve got to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say what you’re going to target in a game. And pretty much, the ‘skins dictated that if the 49ers were going to beat them, they’d have to do it through the air by stacking the box and Kaep said ‘thank you for this opportunity’. In reality, this game was no less mistake-laden than other Colin performances have been this year, it was simply masked by an inferior opponent and game flow so now, everyone is going to be talking about Kaep bicep kisses for a week. Well, consider me not one of them. I still think Kaep can be great but I’ve seen a timid and unsure Colin one too many times this year when the first read doesn’t go his way. Consider this a warning, Kaep owners: Washington is the worst at seemingly everything on defense and yet they decided to let Kaep try and beat them. Not something that would make me confident moving forward. In other news from MNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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The team that resides in the nation’s capital is having a real hard time lately. They have two key injuries this week and it’s starting to look bleak.

First they lost WR Leonard Hankerson for the season to a torn ACL. The doctors were checking his knee after an injury to his LCL suffered against Denver and that’s when they found the ACL damage.

Tight end Jordan Reed (concussion) is also up in the air for this week’s game too. He’s sat out the last couple days’ worth of practice and his status for Monday night against San Francisco is unknown. While he has the extra day this week, he’s not an advisable start this week.

I’d also be gunshy about playing RGIII for the same reason. He’s also starting to run out of receivers. It’s basically down to Santana Moss and Pierre Garcon, the latter of whom I am amazed is still healthy and upright at Week 12. Fred Davis isn’t inviting at the tight end spot. Alfred Morris adds nothing in the passing game (three receptions this season) so Roy Helu would be the only real pass-catching option out of the backfield.

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