DO NOT say I didn’t warn you. I made it abundantly clear that starting Jay Cutler was a grave mistake, an error so sacrilegious, not even the usual animal sacrifices would appease the Elder Gods. All week I declared that it was irresponsible journalism to have Cutler in anybody’s Top-10 for this week. Cutler’s numbers in Green Bay are right there in front of everybody’s face. It’s a known fact that he’s David Hasselhoff, blacked out on the bathroom floor eating cheeseburgers type of pathetic when playing in Wisconsin. Hopefully owners realize how ridiculously lucky they were to get that incredible TD from Brandon Marshall, making Cutler’s day somewhere approaching respectable. The only reason he put up decent numbers two weeks ago at New England was because the Patriots went to prevent defense once they were up something like 200 points. The Bears are an absolute joke right now, and my respect for Cutler has collapsed to Michael Lohan levels. Inexcusable all around performance by the Chicago Bears and fantasy analysts everywhere… hold tha phone! I just looked at Jay-bone’s rankings, and now I feel like a real d*ckhole. Let me point out that Jay is one of the most accurate rankers in the world, and that even geniuses like himself (Cutler thing), Kanye West (R&B album that somehow didn’t ruin his career), and Roman Polanski (an affinity for underage women), are prone to minor mistake every now and again. [Jay’s Note: That’s why they call me Jay… Wrong.] I’ll pray to the Elders, that he doesn’t’ delete me on Snapchat for this, or even point out the fact that if it wasn’t for his editorial work, it would look as if a 9-year-old child put this together. [Jay’s Note: You’re too hard on yourself. More like an 11-year-old…] Let’s just move forward with all of our lives, shall we… Gods, I F*CKING DESPISE OWNING JAY CUTLER.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

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Muah! That’s the sound I expect to hear from you when you start Kirk Cousins this week. I fully expect your lips to be on the computer screen on Sunday giving your DraftKings lineup a big smackaroo because of the numbers he’ll bestow upon you. Just don’t slip your computer the tongue. I’ve heard about the sites you frequent, your computer is probably more diseased than a red light district at this point. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the Eagles and their secondary can be attacked. Heck, I think we all know this will be a full-blown offensive array by Philly and those Washington guys are gonna need to keep pace. Unlike the blowout Cincy got going early which negated Dalton’s upside, I don’t think there’ll be either team getting a chance to rest on their laurels this week.  Sure, Washington might rely on their RBs heavily to slow the pace of the game down.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been tried before to keep the Eagles offense off the field.  Just don’t think Cousins will be afforded this opportunity and for that reason alone he’s worth it, nevermind the fact that he is only $7,300 for the week.  Cheap chance at a 300 yard passing day, friends; take advantage.  But enough about your cheapness, let’s get on with the slate.  Here’s some other hot takes on week 3 DraftKings…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (Half-PPR) |  Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)| WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | IDP Rankings: Top-100 | DL | DB | LB

Welcome to the second part of receiver rankings, where we here at Razzball put the PP in PPR. Wait, what? As stated in the standard receiver rankings, I find this position the hardest, though your mom never complains. ICE BURN. Just the sheer volume of names combined with the fact that your standard roster size requires at least three to four of them, well, you now know what’s going on in my general vicinity. And if you’re that close, WATCH OUT, for you will like love the cut of this jib. Because I guess it’s 40’s throwback vernacular Thursday. [Puts on fedora, winks, begins to swing dance.] So let’s go ahead and begin the great quest to put our PP in PPR (there’s gotta be a better way to say that) and get to the rankings… (wearing pants is optional, but frowned upon in this establishment.)

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As an Eagles fan, it’s been a rough week for me. The silver lining, however, is that the rest of the NFC East is also struggling.

Speaking of struggling, Chris Johnson hasn’t exactly been a lock in the RB position so far this year and it isn’t going to get any easier this week when the Chiefs come to town. The artist formerly known as CJ2K has had a lot of negative things to say about fantasy football recently and since he is no longer receiving the goal-line carries, his ceiling has lowered substantially. The Chiefs are one of the best teams against the run this year so if you have other options this week, use them. Johnson’s schedule gets much easier after the Titans’ week 8 bye so don’t sell him for nothing, but if you can get decent value from someone willing to take a gamble, now might be the time to ship him off.

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Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:

  • You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with.
  • You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
  • Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
  • You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
  • Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
  • New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
  • New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players will two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?

For a fourth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing local NFL beat writers for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge.  Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team through the summer.  This installment comes courteous of Neal Coolong from leading Pittsburgh Steelers blog Behind the Steel Curtain:

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For the first time in a long time with our rankings this year, we didn’t end on a cliff hanger so there’s not much drama that can be baked into this Katy Perry California Dream Tour cup cake. Woah, where did THAT analogy come from? Cuz you watched the Katy Perry California Dream Tour Documentary? You’re astute, imaginary reader but I’m gonna have to say ‘Nooooooo’ in my Norm MacDonald voice. If you haven’t seen ‘Dirty Work’, you probably won’t get the reference. Nor me referencing a Saigon whore biting someone’s nose off. But of course, you didn’t come here for obscure 90’s movie references and trips down memory lane – or did you? – you came here for rankings, specifically the 2013 kind. If you’re wondering where you can go to find where this whole trip started, you can go to this 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings link or you can navigate yourself up on the Menu bar where it says ‘Rankings’. Consider this a Choose Your Own Adventure where you really can’t go wrong so don’t worry about bending the ear back on the last page you were on. Just journey forward as we take a look at the Top 80 Wide Receivers for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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