What wide receiver stats really matter? If you scroll through Twitter on any given day you will see a plethora of numbers backing up sleepers, busts and “league winners” among other things. For WRs you’ve got YAC stans, yards/target pushers, market share aficionados and everywhere in between. It’s easy to get excited when you see that a certain player had 25 yards/reception and is in line for increased targets the next year!

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So the country is mostly reopened now. New Orleans has even reached “phase 2” of their reopening, and as you can see in my sub-tweeted image below, folks are really getting out there. The guy in the back right is particularly out there if you know what I mean—don’t look!

Did you look? I told you not to! So there’s lots going on in the Big Easy lately. First we had the whole Drew Brees BLM saga, then protesters toppled a slave owner statue and now Dick’s taking full advantage of phase 2. But in the midst of all this craziness we find one rock: Michael Thomas. The guy just keeps getting better with receiving yardage totals exceeding 1,100 in 2016, 1,200 in 2017, 1,400 in 2018 and 1,700 in 2019. 2,100 yards in 2020 is logically the next stop, should be easy enough for Thomas to demolishing Megatron’s single season record by 140 yards. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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You ever go to the driving range? Not one of those fancy Top Golf ranges, I’m talking old school range. Like the one Kevin Costner owned in Tin Cup. Cheech Marin’s character would get sent out in a cart to pick up the range balls and all the crappy golfers would take aim. Nailing the cart boy with a line drive is the pinnacle of golf.  Actually I don’t think Cheech ever fetch range balls in the movie, but what else was doing there other than smoking the reefer? Dynasty rankings are like going after that range ball collection cart—a constantly moving target. And I’m the crappy golfer, blinded by Kerryon Johnson’s beautiful eyes and A.J. Dillon’s sexy legs, like Costner with the hots for Rene Russo. Man I need to add that movie to my pandemic watchlist. Anyway, here’s my top 10 dynasty players for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

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So a couple days ago you checked out my updated Kerryon Johnson rankings, I mean my updated dynasty running back rankings, and you avoided smashing your computer in disgust? I’m impressed! Now just wait til you see how high I’ve ranked Kerryon in my updated dynasty wide receiver rankings. I can’t help it, I love Johnson’s. And football players with the last name Johnson. Alright, enough Johnson talk (no such thing), here’s my updated top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR dynasty football leagues:

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Yesterday started like any other Saturday in this current timeline. I woke up and had my morning coffee and started meal planning for the weekend. What more is there really to think about right now other than eating and watching TV? It’s getting warmer out, so why not fire up the smoker? Ribs it is. I ran off to the grocery store after a proper hand cleaning and got my materials and fired up the smoker. If you have smoked ribs before, you probably know that the go to method is 3-2-1. Three hours unwrapped, two hours wrapped with liquid, and one hour wrapped with sauce. Bang, fall-off-the-bone goodness. 

So I have three hours to kill until I need to worry about the ribs, so some Twitter entertainment is in order. And…. President Trump is tweeting about a Lamar Jackson draft pick video. Am I in some covid fever dream? I know that Trump tried to buy the Buffalo Bills some years ago but I didn’t think he was still a casual enough observer to know of Lamar Jackson’s greatness. I thought that the extent of his football attention was being mad at the kneelers. Anyways, jokes are tweeted and I am entertained.

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Socrates once said, “True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing.” But if I know that I know nothing then isn’t that knowing something? What then? I’m already confused! What we can all agree on, based on my #9 ranking of Kerryon Johnson in my top 20 dynasty running backs, is that I’m a huge idiot AND I know nothing. Unless of course Kerryon happens to be a 22 year old fantasy RB1 this season. Then I’m just a regular size idiot because Juju Smith-Schuster has been omitted from my top 20 dynasty wide receivers. If somehow you resisted the urge to throw your computer against the wall in outrage at this news, then use that computer to take a look at the rest of our dynasty and rookie rankings for 2020 fantasy football. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR dynasty football: 

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Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

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I was watching NFL Network Sunday morning and a commercial came on that made me double take:

That’s right, there’s a curved erection epidemic running rampant in America! This advertisement created more questions than answers. First, what are the scientific qualifications for a shaft to earn the “diseased” label? Are we talking right angles or a bit more obtuse? Is there a special penis protractor to measure the exact angles? And what’s the treatment plan for this condition? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. But I am curious, who was this Peyronie guy? Whoever he was, thanks to him, the family name will forever go down as the crooked erection guys. The point is, no matter how terrible your fantasy football team was this season, things could be worse. You could be watching targeted erectile deformity ads on Sunday mornings. Even if you just got done searching Amazon for a penis protractor, at least the curved dong disease wasn’t named after you. And there’s always next year! So let’s all zip up our pants and shift our attention over to my early 2020 top 100 dynasty football PPR rankings which will be released into your veins–arm veins– via four-part slow drip: 

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Antonio Brown lit up his former team the Oakland Raiders this week, going off for 5 catches for 153 yards and 2 touchdowns as he fully delivered on his 2nd round fantasy-draft-price-tag. And just when his owners needed him most. He also chipped in 1 carry for 13 yards and he didn’t even fart in anyone’s face in the locker room after the win. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound like the AB I know. *checks notes* Ahhhh this was A.J. Brown, not Antonio Brown! My bad, honest mistake. The Titans 2nd round rookie out of Mississippi, A.J. Brown, now has 6 touchdowns and three 100+ yard games on the season. Can I just draft the entire 2019 rookie receiver class on all of my teams next year? Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday afternoons’ games for fantasy football: 

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Patrick Mahomes takes his offense into Foxborough searching for his first career win against the New England Patriots. Mahomes has thrown for 7 TDs / 2 INT / 647 yds in his two matchups against Belichick, last season. Pat posted 34.5 fantasy points during their regular season matchup (wk 6) and 27.9 points in an overtime loss during the conference championship. Andy Reid has faired well against New England in recent history, averaging 39.7 games over his previous 3 bouts against Bill (1 game with Alex Smith at QB).

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