So let’s just say that you don’t get to 510 passing yards because your team is performing well. Eli Manning threw for 510 and 3 touchdowns to help lead his team to a comeback victory against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday. Now how did Tampa Bay stay so close in New York, you ask? If you have that Memento problem that Guy Pierce has, this is the secondary that made Kevin Ogletree look good. There was a bevvy of fantasy goodness enjoyed on the hapless Giants defense as Vincent Jackson came out of his week 1 hidey-hole to catch 5 passes for 128 yards and a touchdown – a call JB Gilpin made on the podcast this week – while his WR counterpart Mike Williams scored a touchdown for the second straight week to go with 59 yards. What I’m trying to say here is, this might not be the last time Eli goes for well over 300. Now granted, he did put his team in a bad position early accounting for 3 INT to go with this 3 TDs but it’s pretty evident Manning’s arm is going to be counted on most of the season to keep those G-Men in games. That’s real football analysis. Fantasy football analysis says ‘that’s good for Manning owners’. Wow, in depth coverage here! In other fantasy football news…
Victor Cruz – I called him a buy after his bad game vs Dallas. I hope you got in on that. Now one week does not a buy call make but he’s still Manning’s favorite target with 17 while Hakeem Nicks racked up 15. Oh and Hakeem had a good day too. If your QB throws for 510 yards and you don’t have a good day, I really hope you play for the practice squad because that’s the only acceptable defense.
Ahmad Bradshaw – Tried to play accordion with his neck against a defender’s chest in the 1st quarter and did not return to the game. On the one hand, I own him in a league where it’s going to come down to the wire and I think what could’ve happened. On the other hand, I’m playing someone where they have him and they’re still killing me so I’m thinking whatever. He walked to the locker room under his own power so for now, I’m not too worried. Of course, if your waiver has Andre Brown and David Wilson out there, I’d try and pick them up in that order. Yes, I’m just as surprised as you are.
Reggie Bush – Ran for 172 yards and 2 Touchdowns. What you’re in a PPR league? Oh, he had your back there too with 3 recs for 25 yards. A lot of people were down on Bush coming into the season for some reason and I must say I was confused to see him drafted after guys like Michael Turner and even Peyton Hillis based on ADP. The argument was he was playing for a bad team and they’d load the box. So what was Miami last year, Super Bowl contenders? I said he was a cheap play earlier in preseason and he’s sure proving me to be a smart cookie which is obviously a cookie made with brains and fed to zombies to keep them at bay.
Trent Richardson – Showed a reason why he was a 2nd round pick in most drafts, going for the catch & carry TD combo, nabbing 4 receptions for 35 yards while rushing for 109. My only problem with this line is Cincy’s DEF was supposed to be stream-worthy. It’s hard to make Weeden look like a decent QB and yet they found a way. But more on T-Rich…wait there’s no more. You got what you drafted him for. Congrats!
Dwayne Bowe – Had himself a monster 4th quarter and finished the game with 8 receptions for 102 yards and 2 TDs. That’s awesome for fantasy. In real life, they didn’t matter as KC was down 35-3 by the time that drama happened. Same statement goes to Matt Cassel. If you’re box-watching, realize this game was over well before the scoring commenced. Kinda of like my game at the bar with the ladies. I don’t know if that made sense but I’m pretty sure it’s self-deprecating and true.
Tom Brady – Was outperformed by the previously mentioned Cassel. Only difference was his team needed him for all four quarters and nothing happened. Last week was pretty boring stat wise and he follows it up with something a little worse. Maybe his nose still hurts. If someone out there believes we’ve seen the end of the Brady Bunch, offer them a Jan for their Marsha. I didn’t think I’d come full circle with that nose reference and yet here we are. What a strange world.
C.J. Spiller – His cup spilleth over with fantasy goodness: 123 rushing yards, 3 recs for 47 yards and – much like Sophia Vergara – 2 amazing TDs. For those of you searching for Sophia and her…huge tracts of land we won’t judge you but let’s just say that’s not how you spell it.  Fred Jackson who? I was already worried about a timeshare in the off-season and now I’m worried period for F-Jax owners.
Andy Dalton – Got into a gun-slinging match with Brandon Weeden and won, throwing for 318, three scores and a pick. He got the ball to 6 separate receivers on the day with A.J. Green leading the way with 7 catches on 12 targets and a touchdown. Some people said he was a breakout candidate. I was not one of them. I’m still not but this was a good game. I just think it happened against a bad team. Kinda like the next guy on this list.
Joe Flacco – Lotta people got excited last week about Joe, to which I said ‘Let’s just say he was pretty good, a little lucky, the uptempo offense worked and he still has an uglier uni-brow than me.’ That’s word for word what I said. Well, word for word in the last sentence of what I said about him. Go take a link journey to get the full details. Simply put, he’s still a good bench QB or QB2 but unless your name is Payday, don’t go nuts here.
DeSean Jackson/Brent Celek – Racked up the yards and the recs yesterday, combining for 19 targets, 15 receptions and 271 of the 371 yards Michael Vick threw for. Instant analysis: that was a lot! Celek was looking like a cheap PPR TE play coming into the season and he’s not disappointing so far. Well, he’s disappointing me. I played Kyle Rudolph over him in a PPR league today. It hurts to sit down. Oh and I liked DeSean more than you coming into the season and I still probably do.
Wes Welker – Told you to buy him earlier this week. It wasn’t an Earth-shattering game but 95 receptions from 5 receptions to go with 11 targets is definitely a step in a different direction than the hoodie-gate talk we’ve been hearing all week. The buy window just closed. Sorry if your fingers were still in there when it happened. It might’ve been at the expense of Aaron Hernandez hurting his ankle early on in the game but after watching the play, I have a funny feeling Wes will be involved in the offense quite heavily over the next few weeks. That was a hint that I don’t think Aaron will be back and healthy for a bit. I didn’t think it was that subtle, why are you so confused?
Danny Amendola – From well known PPR guy to one of the cheapest PPR guys going in the draft this year – and yes, I grabbed him everywhere I could -I had this to say about him in the off-season: If Wes Welker were a Matryoshka doll – and who’s to say he’s not – Danny would be the littlest one in the middle. Well after today, we may have to re-up this analogy and start with ‘If Wes Welker were a character from the movie Alien…’. I keed, hope if you had him you enjoyed this day but the touchdown and yardage were a gift. The receptions are as real as Scarlett Johanson’s…eh, we’ve already made a big TD joke, let’s not go for more.
Mark Ingram – Got a touchdown. That’s about the only good thing I can say about him as he had a 3.3 ypc average over 16 carries. Meanwhile, Pierre Thomas racked up 110 rushing yards on 9 carries. I’ll give you a preemptive sell suggestion. Sell Ingram. Now. If you’re a doctor, sell him, STAT. And work on your signature, it’s terrible.
Robert Griffin, III – He’s still good. True story, I have him and Eli in the Razzball Writers League. I played Eli. It’s hard to feel bad about that and yet here I am, feeling regret. I wish it were a two QB, 0 RB/WR/TE/K/DEF league.
Ben Tate/Arian Foster– Three total touchdowns to go with 184 rushing yards and 60 total receiving yards. Tate outscored Foster overall on the day, but Arian still had a healthy line. It’s days like this that remind me why I liked Ray Rice more because you just never know who’s going to score for Houston. Of course, Ray never found pay dirt today so maybe it wasn’t the smart thing to bring him up…
Antonio Gates/Dante Rosario – Combined for three touchdowns. Oh wait, Antonio didn’t play. So some guy on your waivers scored 3 touchdowns. Gates owners, just stick your head in and let me know if you want broil set to high or low. I’m at your beck and call.
Jonathan Dwyer – Ran great last week with limited carries. Ran like crap while getting an expanded role in the offense. Granted, it was against a good defense but I’m wagging my finger at him for you all of those I said he was a good flex play to and told him he was a very naughty running back this week. Had two very late runs that looked good that got Pittsburgh down to the two and then Redman got to punch it in but no matter, it was a tough day for Dwyer owners today and I own the shame like a Scarlet letter on my chest. It’s kinda stings, anyone have some neosporin?
Heath Miller – Called a buy, so of course he only caught 3 passes for 19 yards. Oh and a touchdown. Yes, there’s that. They’re spreading the ball around in Pittsburgh this year. Some weeks, it will be Miller time, some weeks it will be Emmanuel Sanders time. Other weeks it will be Dwyer’s time too, I promise.
Vernon Davis – Turned in the second best TE performance on the day, catching 5 receptions for 73 yards and two touchdowns. Still no match for Dante. Rosario is like Pringles cuz once he pops he can’t stop. Frank Gore provided a healthy RB2 line as well for the night to go with Crabtree being a useful PPR WR3. Overall, it’s hard to get excited about SF’s offense but the few moving parts that work have done their job well through two games. Like that housemaid your wife hired because she has a missing front tooth and a mole the size of a marble on her nose, unsexy can still be serviceable.
