Projections are like opinions, and you know what Dirty Harry said about opinions.

“Well, opinions are like as*holes. Everybody has one.” -Harry Callahan (Dead Pool, 1988).

Projections are “informed” guesses, often by someone who thinks they know more than the next. Hopeful approximations. A false promise almost guaranteed to disappoint. Projections are generally misleading and biased, and we can hardly rely upon them. If projections were accurate they wouldn’t be projections, they’d be stats. And if projections were consistently correct, fantasy sports would be an incredibly boring pastime. In a fantasy world filled with projections, many of us are starved for facts. But to where should we turn? The stats. Why? Because stats do not lie. In fantasy football they paint a near exact picture of what has occurred and how each player has, or has not, produced.

One famous, and dead, author might disagree. A long time ago Mark Twain said “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” I call bullsh*t Mr. Twain. Me and everybody reading this article knows that if you were alive today, you’d not only be in at least four fantasy football leagues, but you’d be reading Razzball in hopes of uncovering that small bit of advice or oddball statistic that helped you win the coming week’s matchups and bring you one step closer to a fantasy championship.

Okay, enough banter. Let’s get to why we are here. How can we leverage the stats to help pinpoint players that are at the top of their game, or perhaps on their way there.

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I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

Yeah, why not, a little Lou Reed… could be worse.  So this week’s spotlight will be shining on Delanie Walker.  For those of you who didn’t read last week’s post, let’s just say I am as happy as a T-rex with a back scratcher.  So if you own Jimmy or Gronk, or people all around the world of King Julius, you don’t really need to pay much attention here. The position is filled with uncertainties and injuries.  Tyler Eifert and Jordan Reed are toast right now.  The reports about Chuck Clay and Jordan Cameron are worrisome right now.  You have the ineffective first weeks of several other guys: Witten and Heath Miller.  This is where the pitch comes. Delanie Walker is playing the hapless Cowboys defense that couldn’t guard Vernon Davis or his five heads for the first half of last week’s game, that for all intents in purposes was over at halftime.  As SF started granny shifting and made Dominic Toretto post a SMH in his tinder account.  So picture this Walker, hapless defense not a fantasy savior but a fantasy guy being overlooked.

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Beer bonging a gallon of chew spit while watching your pregnant mother get a$$ blasted by Ron Jeremy> Owning Larry Fitzgerald in fantasy football in 2014.

-Tehol Beddict

Greetings, and welcome to another excruciatingly sexy edition of, Disgrace/Delight! I am your honored master of ceremonies, the Tehol Beddict, and I come to you bearing gifts. Where in the name of the Elder Gods are these gifts, you ask? The presents I offer you, distinguished ladies and gents, is the verbiage I’ve spewed out for you below in the form of written communication. Take it all in (swallow, don’t spit) and leave your thoughts and questions when you’re finished reading, as each and every one of you deserve special attention (ladies and Sky especially ).

You know what the deal is here and you definitely know what the real is. This is: DISGRACE/DELIGHT!!! TAKE HEED!

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Well, gentlemen (and a few ladies), here we are. My first highly anticipated article, for all of you Razzballers. I know, I know, you are all saying, “Jay? What are you doing bringing a girl on? Don’t you know she has breasts? What could she possibly know about fantasy football?” Well, my steadfastly misogynistic readers, although you are correct, I do have breasts (and they are spectacular), I assure you they do not impinge on my ability to throw down some fantasy football knowledge. One thing I have learned in my years of playing fantasy football is that it’s a lot like dating. Yeah, sure, dating sucks, but depending on where you are picking in your draft, or drafts, your roster(s) can suck too. However, in fantasy football, it is a lot easier to get rid of the deadbeat creeper on your roster than it is to get rid of that real-life creeper living in the bushes outside of my house. [Jay's Note: I feel like that message came out loud and clear J-FOH.] So, without further ado, join me as I bring you the buys and sells this week, with my first ever “Hit it or Quit” for your viewing pleasure.

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During the season, I will be spotlighting a player who is either on the cusp of your starting line-up for the week, or someone I see that needs some light shed on him due to match-up, man-scaping ability, or because I see something someone doesn’t.  This week we shed the spotlight on Markus Wheaton.  Basically being drafted as a WR3/4 in the vast majority of places, he is a maybe-start for most people.  Well, I am here to learn you some stuff about the second fiddle now in the city with ‘tree rivers.  Let’s start with the obvious…  Antonio Brown is as legit a number one receiver as there is in the league.  That’s a good thing, because they play the Browns, and have a top shutdown corner who they like to shadow all across the field on number one recievers.  So Haden covers Brown, but it should be noted that I’ve heard rumors to the contrary, and that Haden might be all over the field.  To tell ya the truth, I am not buying it at all.  He is a shut-down corner, is paid like one, and will try to take Brown away from the under-rated Steeler passing attack.

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Greetings!! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, and last night, in a Chantix dreaming slumber, the Elder Gods visited me and gifted me with the grandest of ideas: ROOKIES!! Who doesn’t love rookies? Always so enticing, aren’t they? Yes, yes, I know it’s strenuous to resist drafting them. even as I succumb to their alluring qualities. The fact is, rookies are predominantly a poor source of fantasy production, especially at QB and WR. Yes, children, I remember Cam Newton and Randy Moss, but those types of rookie breakouts are few and far between. Anyone else get sucked into swooping Tavon Austin last season? It huuuuuuurts! Being that it’s still preseason and all, myself and the Elders thought it wise to touch on most of the skill position players who went in the first few rounds of the 2014 draft, and that boys and girls, is just what we shall do!

We’re gonna do Disgrace/Delight a tiny bit different this week and just hit each player with a hashtag, #Disgrace, or, you guessed it, #Delight. Mind you, this tag is based upon what I feel the player will produce this season, not what I think of the overall skill set. I have a big audition tomorrow so let us begin. TAKE HEED!

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Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!

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With the NFL’s ever increasing shift to throwing the football, the traditional running back that carries the football 30 times per game is becoming harder to find. Even NFL teams aren’t really worried too much about getting running backs. There wasn’t even one drafted in the first round this year! Fantasy owners have been told for years to stock pile running backs, and in the past that has been good advice. In today’s fantasy leagues, however, you have to draft the right kind of running backs.

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The NFL Draft… I’m about drafted out. In the Cleveland area, local talk radio has been so Browns focused that I’m not even sure if we have a professional baseball team. Check that, we do… we just don’t have a closer, but I digress. Holding the draft three weeks later than last year just added to the amount of BS we had to sift through trying to figure out who was going where. As much as I would love to give you yet another recap of what happened, and it actually turned out to be a fairly exciting night, I’m moving forward.

Watching the NFL Draft is kind of like watching a R-rated movie when you were a teenager. Remember waiting with baited breath for some girl to rip her top off for no reason? That’s the draft. You watch a few lineman taken, a defensive back, where’s the QB??? This year we got our money shot early with Blake Bortles being drafted third. What we really want to know is: How will he and some other guy from Texas A&M do this year? I’m going to tell you about these two QBs this week, and a couple more next week.

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The following post has some of my thoughts for the first three rounds of the draft. You can catch Jay’s thoughts on Round one here. I will be covering the players (either drafted or the players affected by the new draftees) that weren’t covered in-depth by Jay, and what this does to their value for the upcoming season in redraft leagues. All of my views will be for that of a standard (Non-PPR) scoring.

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