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Donkey Teeth

Author: Donkey Teeth

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Donkey Teeth

Fantasy Football Gameday: Week 1

September 12, 2021 | Fantasy Football Strategy | 54 Comments

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Sunday morning has arrived and you spent all weekend on a drinking binge? Or worse (maybe better?), you’ve been up for 48 hours on six different types of drugs? Fear not, Razzball has all of your last-minute fantasy football needs covered. Over the past two days, Bobby has covered the best defensive matchups this week for both AFC and NFC fantasy wide receivers. Yesterday Skorish went through every fantasy-relevant injury to keep an eye on in his weekly Fantasy Football Injury Report. Down below I’ll give you some sneaky start options who might be available in your free agent pool if you’re in a bind, as well as my recently updated week 1 rankings for half PPR leagues. Feel free to ask me questions in the comments if you feel the rankings don’t address your specific circumstances. And please, please, please consider purchasing our 2021 fantasy football tools subscription. As intelligent and handsome as we all agree I am, my rankings are still packed full of bias and human error. Rudy’s computer model minimizes the human inputs and leans heavily on raw, untainted data inputs to provide a very valuable, differing viewpoint. Plus you receive all kinds of other benefits with your subscription including next-day snap count and target rate data. Anyway, here’s a few sneaky starts for week 1 of the 2021 fantasy football season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Weekly Rankings for 2021 Fantasy Football: Week 1

September 8, 2021 | Weekly Rankings | 85 Comments

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Each week I’ll be spending countless hours flipping coins in order to determine an order for my weekly rankings which will be published bright and early each Wednesday morning. It’s an elaborate round-robin coinflipping system for each position. Wide receivers alone take me a full Monday worth of coin flips. And I’m currently in the process of filing for workers comp due to carpal tunnel. But it’s well worth it, knowing that you, the loyal Razzball reader, appreciate my pain and sweat. Just so you know you can trust me, here’s how my coin flipping system stacked up against all of the other 149 industry analysts competing against me in the 2020 Fantasy Pros Weekly Ranking Competition:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 200 for 2021 Fantasy Football Update: The Home Stretch

September 4, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 44 Comments

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The biggest fantasy football draft weekend of the season is finally upon us. Saturday morning, as you shower and brush your teeth for the first time in three weeks in anticipation of the big day, don’t forget to pull up your buddy Donkey Teeth’s handy dandy top 200 rankings for reference—these rankings will be frequently updated all weekend as football news breaks. Also, don’t forget to put pants on. I know you haven’t been wearing pants very often the past three weeks, but it’s time to put some bottoms on and get out there. Unless you’re in a nudist fantasy league, then you’re already good to go. Speaking of which, does anyone have any openings in their nudist fantasy league? Asking for a friend. Anyway, here’s who’s moving most in my rankings in recent days, along with my updated top 200 rankings for 2021 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Donkey’s Advocate: Henry Ruggs, Chris Carson & Jakobi Meyers

September 1, 2021 | Donkey's Advocate | 17 Comments

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The innovation machine never stops here at Razzball. Except for that one time when I tried to use it to heat up some leftover pizza. What a disaster that was! In the modern world of pandemics, riots and keto diets, we know it can be hard to find time to listen to 30-60 minute fantasy football shows. Oh, there’s a squirrel! Sorry, what was I talking about? Right, we’ve created a short-form video series for those of us with the attention span of a puppy. On Donkey’s Advocate, I’ll be bringing on many of the top fantasy football industry experts to sell me on one of their favorite 2021 fantasy football draft targets while I play devil’s donkey’s advocate. All of this will take place in a two-minute rapid-fire segment. In this week’s batch I was joined by Jake Ciely, Jake Trowbridge and Dave Richard to discuss Henry Ruggs, Chris Carson & Jakobi Meyers:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 200 for 2021 Fantasy Football Update: Preseason Movers

August 26, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 63 Comments

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This may shock you, but in my youth, I was a stubborn jackass. As most of us know, the world has a way of humbling us arrogant fools sooner or later. Life naturally and systematically grinds the ego down, and if we choose to surrender, there’s unfathomable joy waiting. Joy in the form of fantasy football glory and scores of very attractive women (or men if you’re into that) fawning after you. But step one: we must surrender. We must look ourselves in the mirror and admit we were wrong about Taysom Hill. We must grovel at the feet of Ben Roethlisberger. We must massage the loins of Kerryon Johnson. What I’m saying is, most of this post is about what I’ve been wrong about—granted, it’s difficult to take victory laps before the preseason has even ended. Anyway, here’s who’s moving most in my rankings in recent days, along with my updated top 200 rankings for 2021 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 20 Tight Ends for 2021 Fantasy Football

August 23, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 31 Comments

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Part of me wondered if anyone would even notice if I only ranked the top 10 tight ends for 2021 fantasy football. We all remember what Confuscious said, “If a fantasy football tight end ranking post falls in the forest and nobody’s there to read, then did it happen?” I believe Confuscious also told us to draft Darren Waller each of the last two seasons. Wait. No. That was Donkey Teeth. People confuse the two of us so often that sometimes I get confused myself. Identity crises aside, someone must rank the Irv Smiths and the Adam Trautmans of the world, so why not Confuscious Teeth? If you’re just looking for a plain old list of rankings without the fluff, you can stop right here and go check out my top 200 for 2021 fantasy football. Anyway, here’s my top 20 tight ends for 2021 fantasy football:

Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Tiered Rankings.

*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World-Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in-season weekly projection subscription is currently available until August 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections that won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!). 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 200 for 2021 Fantasy Football

August 19, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 25 Comments

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Rankings! Rankings! Get you rankings! 

Who doesn’t love a good list? My wife (yes, still imaginary) makes me lists all the time. Grocery list. Honey-do list. Reasons-I-wish-I-had-married-Chauncy-LaBeau-from-high-school-instead-of-you list. Of course, I glance at all of these lists once and then forget they ever existed. Nothing comes of them. Such is my expectation for your experience with this list of two-hundred men who will handle the pigskin in the twenty-second year of the twenty-first century. Nevertheless, the list must be compiled and neurotically reordered for the next two weeks as information comes in about stubbed toes, disgruntled divas and Antonio Brown’s helmet. Anyway, here’s my top 200 rankings for 2021 half PPR fantasy football: 

*Note: I have not included my own projections in any of this year’s rankings. Rudy Gamble’s World-Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections are all you need! These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in-season weekly projection subscription is currently available until August 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections that won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!). 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 40 Wide Receivers for 2021 Fantasy Football

August 16, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 8 Comments

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I’m testing out a new draft strategy this year: Zero RBWR. Intrigued? You only draft quarterbacks and tight ends for the first ten rounds, then key in on all the value running backs and wide receivers from there. I’m thinking my opponents will never expect it, and by the time they realize what’s happening it’ll be too late. Game over. Donkey wins. Alright, I’ll quit Donking around. Let me say that I oppose entering any drafting with a rigid strategy such as Zero RB, Zero WR or Zero DongB. Take what your draft gives you. I’ve found this year’s drafts often give opportunity for intriguing wide receiver picks through the middle rounds where running back options become squanchy. Again, don’t box yourself into taking RBs early but give it strong consideration when you’re on the clock with those first couple fateful picks. Anyway, here’s my top 40 wide receivers for 2021 fantasy football:  

Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Rankings.

*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World-Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in-season weekly projection subscription is currently available until August 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections that won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!). 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 40 Running Backs for 2021 Fantasy Football

August 11, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 19 Comments

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I’ve now ranked the top 30 quarterbacks, top 25 running backs, top 25 wide receivers and top 10 tight ends. You should now be good to go for your fantasy drafts. Go get ’em, tiger! What, you want more? Is it because of my very subtle and mature penis jokes masterfully woven throughout the rankings like a Dan Brown novel? I could just write a long list of penis jokes, if you prefer. More rankings you say? Alright, I get it, not everyone is playing in an 8-team league where they own 7 of the teams like my home league with Cousin Cletus. We will rank on. Longer. And harder. And with more thrusting. Anyway, here’s my top 40 running backs for 2021 fantasy football:

Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Rankings.

*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR leagues. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World-Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until August 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections that have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!). 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Donkey’s Advocate: Devonta Smith, Jerry Jeudy and Kyle Pitts

August 9, 2021 | Donkey's Advocate | 7 Comments

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The innovation machine never stops here at Razzball. Except for that one time when I tried to use it to heat up some leftover pizza. What a disaster that was! In the modern world of pandemics, riots and keto diets, we know it can be hard to find time to listen to 30-60 minute fantasy football shows. Oh, there’s a squirrel! Sorry, what was I talking about? Right, we’ve created a short-form video series for those of us with the attention span of a puppy. On Donkey’s Advocate, I’ll be bringing on many of the top fantasy football industry experts to sell me on one of their favorite 2021 fantasy football draft targets while I play devil’s donkey’s advocate. All of this will take place in a two minute rapid fire segment. In this week’s batch I was joined by Andy Behrens, Pat Fitzmaurice and Sigmund Bloom to discuss Devonta Smith, Jerry Jeudy & Kyle Pitts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 25 Wide Receivers for 2021 Fantasy Football

August 4, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 4 Comments

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With RazzBowl drafts winding down, I’m now safe to divulge the rest of of my 2021 fantasy football rankings. Maybe safe isn’t the right word—I now have time to divulge the rest of my rankings because I’m not spending 18 hours a day staring at a draft board like a fantasy crack fiend. Now I’m only spending 14 hours a day drafting Best Ball Mania teams over at Underdog Fantasy  (<<<use our referral link and get a $25 credit with your first deposit). I know, my plugging knows no shame. Anyway, here’s my top 25 wide receivers for 2021 fantasy football: 

Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Rankings.

*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until August 15th at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections which have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!). 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

RazzBowl Recap: Rounds 1-4 of Donk League

July 28, 2021 | RazzBowl | 3 Comments

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Throughout the ages there have been countless pieces of legendary kitchenware. There was of course that Holy Grail, from which Jesus and his disciples suckled the sweet nectars of enlightenment. Then later there was George II’s silver coffee pot which recently sold for $7 million. And can’t forget Harry Potter’s Goblet of Fire either. Now there’s a new piece of silver-like-material garnering the attention of the world: The RazzBowl. As 189 of the top fantasy analysts in the universe went to battle against 63 of the hungriest fantasy football fans in the multiverse, your benefactor (that’s me, Donkey Teeth) found himself surrounded by wolves and sharks in the early rounds of his RazzBowl draft. Jake Ciely had a crazy look in his eye as he stole Saquon Barkley at pick 8. Rob Waziak took to mental warfare, milking the clock down to fractions of decimals of milliseconds before swiping Diontae Johnson in the 4th round as he lulled the rest of the league into a deep slumber. Joe Bond woke us up by rattling off clever penis inspired league names in an effort to win a free Rotowear t-shirt. All the while I cowered, shaking in the corner, wondering how early I might have to reach for Kerryon Johnson is this league of the undead and unloved. Anyway, here’s the first four rounds of our 2021 RazzBowl draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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