Throughout the ages there have been countless pieces of legendary kitchenware. There was of course that Holy Grail, from which Jesus and his disciples suckled the sweet nectars of enlightenment. Then later there was George II’s silver coffee pot which recently sold for $7 million. And can’t forget Harry Potter’s Goblet of Fire either. Now there’s a new piece of silver-like-material garnering the attention of the world: The RazzBowl. As 189 of the top fantasy analysts in the universe went to battle against 63 of the hungriest fantasy football fans in the multiverse, your benefactor (that’s me, Donkey Teeth) found himself surrounded by wolves and sharks in the early rounds of his RazzBowl draft. Jake Ciely had a crazy look in his eye as he stole Saquon Barkley at pick 8. Rob Waziak took to mental warfare, milking the clock down to fractions of decimals of milliseconds before swiping Diontae Johnson in the 4th round as he lulled the rest of the league into a deep slumber. Joe Bond woke us up by rattling off clever penis inspired league names in an effort to win a free Rotowear t-shirt. All the while I cowered, shaking in the corner, wondering how early I might have to reach for Kerryon Johnson is this league of the undead and unloved. Anyway, here’s the first four rounds of our 2021 RazzBowl draft:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top 25 Running Backs for 2021 Fantasy Football
July 26, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 4 Commentsby: Donkey Teeth
The day you’ve been waiting your entire life for has finally arrived. No, not nudie magazine day. Better. It’s RazzBowl Day!!! That’s right, by the time you’re reading this RazzBowl drafts will have likely kicked off as 63 lucky fans face off against 189 of the world’s top fantasy football analysts in the most exclusive pros vs. joes fantasy competition in the universe. If you missed out on this year’s RazzBowl, don’t fret, all is not lost. Our RazzBowl Qualifier leagues are now filling over at the NFFC. Join a FREE RazzBowl Qualifier League now and win your way into next year’s RazzBowl—be sure to review all RazzBowl Qualifier Rules and Settings. Anyway, here’s my top 20 running backs for 2021 fantasy football:
Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Rankings.
*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR leagues. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until July 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections which have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!).
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 30 Quarterbacks for 2021 Fantasy Football
July 12, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings |by: Donkey Teeth
When I released my top 10 quarterbacks for 2021 fantasy football there was shock from how high Jalen Hurts checked in. There was awe from how low Dak Prescott fell. And there was guilt from Tom Brady’s snubbing. So I retreated in shame, into a cave. Each day tabulating the numbers, ranking and re-ranking, visualizing which quarterbacks would be the 11th thru 30th best fantasy QBs in the year of two-thousand-twenty-one. After two weeks in solitude I emerged from the cave victorious, with a new completely random list of quarterbacks and E. coli from the squirrel poop water I drank. Anyway, here’s my top 30 quarterbacks for 2021 fantasy football:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 10 Tight Ends for 2021 Fantasy Football
July 5, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings |by: Donkey Teeth
Fantasy Football Tight End is like the beef brisket of fantasy positions. It’s not an exciting cut of meat. It’s not a particularly tasty cut of meat. But you can get it cheap and if you cook it slow and season it properly, your friends will think you’re a genius. Of course you need to know what you’re doing. Not just anyone can land a delicious piece of meat like Darren Waller in the 14th round. Just as some novice chefs are better off playing it safe and paying up for the prime rib, some fantasy managers are better ponying up for the peace of mind that comes along with a Travis Kelce. This is a the dilemma each fantasy chef must weigh for themselves. How confident are you in your slow cooking abilities? Anyway, here’s my top 10 tight ends for 2021 fantasy football:
Click here to see all 2021 Fantasy Football Rankings.
*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until July 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections which have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!).
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 10 Wide Receivers for 2021 Fantasy Football
June 28, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings |by: Donkey Teeth
Did everyone catch the season finale of Naked and Afraid XL last night? Spoiler alert: they were all still naked on day 60, but more hungry than afraid. Seven adult humans rationing scraps of armadillo meat, what a way to live! I know exactly how the competitors must have felt. Each time I compose a new set of fantasy rankings I like to post them over on the Fantasy Football subreddit to get some feedback and constructive criticism from the knowledgeable masses over there. Many times I’m forced to reconsider my thought processes. Other times I’m left feeling lonely and naked, without even a morsel of armadillo fat to soothe my soul. But the show must go on. Lists must be compiled and players must be ordered and reordered based only on shirtless pics and/or shirtless TikTok videos. Anyway, here’s my top 10 wide receivers for 2021 PPR fantasy football with projections:
Find all 2021 Positional Rankings here.
*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until July 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections which have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!).
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 10 Running Backs for 2021 Fantasy Football
June 25, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 6 Commentsby: Donkey Teeth
As I drove by KFC earlier this week I was reminded that I still need to watch the Lifetime Original about Colonel Sanders, A Recipe for Seduction, starring Mario Lopez. Colonel Sanders got me to thinking about how I wanted to sneak Miles Sanders into my top 10 running back rankings this preseason. Then a squirrel ran by and I chased it around for 30 minutes. Later that night I sat down to compose my 2021 running back rankings with both Mario Lopez and Miles Sanders as a distant memory. As much as I wanted to squeeze them into the list below, both Mario Lopez and Miles Sanders narrowly missed the top 10 cut. Anyway, here’s my top 10 running backs for 2021 PPR fantasy football with projections:
Find all 2021 Positional Rankings here.
*Note: These rankings are geared toward half PPR scoring. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are NOT my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections. These preseason projections are available free of charge, while Rudy’s in season weekly projection subscription is currently available until July 31st at an early bird discounted price of only $17.99 for the entire season! These are the same weekly projections which have won Rudy Gamble the FantasyPros designation of “Best Bold Ranker” for the years 2017-2019 (and likely 2020!).
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 10 Quarterbacks for 2021 Fantasy Football
June 21, 2021 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 9 Commentsby: Donkey Teeth
It’s been an eventful offseason for the quarterback position. I know, I know, it’s too soon to joke about Masseuse Gate. But as I read over one massage therapist’s account of an interaction with Deshaun Watson back in 2019, my immaturity got the best of me as visuals entered my mind. I’ll just leave this here:
“Watson developed an erection, she says, and also began clenching and slowly ‘thrusting the air.'”
Regardless of maturity level, it’s difficult to read that Sports Illustrated article and not find it both very credible and extremely concerning for the future of Watson’s NFL career. I don’t see many paths to him playing football in 2021. And then we have the whole, slightly less mind boggling, Aaron Rodgers saga. Will the Packers hall of famer hang up the cleats to pursue a career as Jeopardy host? If I have to take a hard stance today, I’m saying neither of these elite fantasy QB options touch the field this season. And thus, you will not find either among my top 10 quarterbacks for 2021 fantasy football:
*Note: These rankings are geared toward standard QB scoring with 4 points per passing touchdown. Projections provided in this season’s rankings are not my own, they come from Rudy Gamble’s World Renowned 2021 Fantasy Football Projections.
Please, blog, may I have some more?What is it that makes drafting rookies so much fun? I’m told humans don’t like change. Yet each season a new crop of players enter the NFL and us fantasy footballers are mesmerized by their shine. Captivated by the the unknown. Resistance to the changing of the fantasy football guard is feeble to non-existent. Maybe it’s the lottery factor at play. Humans resist big life changes, but not when those changes are the result of winning the lottery. And what’s a rookie if not a lottery ticket. I remember scratching off my Sony Michel ticket expecting to reveal Jamaal Charles. And that Laquon Treadwell quick-pick I hoped would result in a Randy Moss-like windfall. But now the savings are all gone and I’m eating two meals a day from dumpsters just to be able to afford my next rookie fix. Ahhh yes, just one more hit of the shiny stuff. Rondale Moore is sure to fill the cavernous spiritual void in my soul. Anyway, here’s my top 10 rookies for 2021 PPR dynasty leagues:
*Note: these rankings are geared towards half PPR, 1QB dynasty leagues
Please, blog, may I have some more?I’ve been watching this QAnon docuseries on HBO this week, Q: Into the Storm. I’ll confess, I haven’t been plugged into the Qverse until now. But it turns out there’s a bunch of politicians and movie stars who murder babies and drink their blood. Allegedly. I mean, it kind of makes sense. I won’t get any further into the political weeds here, but if you showed me footage of Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell eating babies together it wouldn’t be the most shocking video I’ve seen this year. Those cats playing the piano blew my mind. Where am I going with all this? Not quite sure. Something convoluted about Pat Fitzmaurice and Rich Hribar scooping up babies like evil Illuminati brethren in our recent superflex dynasty best ball draft. Take a look at how many rookies each of our esteemed analysts selected in the draft:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Why was there never a sequel to Gone in 60 Seconds? I guess it wasn’t plausible that Nicolas Cage could ever round up that dream team of car thieves for second go And without Angelina Jolie on board, what was the point? We ran into that same issue in the wake of the Razzball Best Ball Dynasty Analyst League draft which took place a couple weeks back. When Razzball announced it’s Best Ball Dynasty Superflex Analyst League, the entire star-studded crew of industry participants jumped right back on board. All but one. A certain Nando Di Fino had a prior commitment: Months ago Nando signed up for Catholic missionary work in Saskatchewan. A great loss for the Razzball Dynasty League to be sure, but Rich Hribar of Sharp Football Analysis was luckily available to step into Nando’s Shaquille O’Neal sized shoes. And so we pressed forward, minus our Angelina Jolie.
Here’s the full star studded list of industry participants and the league’s official draft order:
1. Dave Richard| CBS
2. Rich Hribar | Sharp Football Analysis
3. Heath Cummings | CBS
4. Scott Pianowski | Yahoo
5. Jake Ciely | The Athletic
6. Michael Salfino | The Athletic
7. Pat Fitzmaurice | The Football Guys & The Football Girl
8. Rudy Gamble | Razzball
9. Brandon Myers | Razzball
10. Andy Behrens | Yahoo
11. Donkey Teeth | Razzball
12. Dalton Del Don | Yahoo
And here’s the first two rounds of our dynasty superflex half PPR best ball league with real US Dollars on the line:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Last week I detailed the first round of the industry dynasty best ball draft we hosted here at Razzball. There were a diverse array of strategies on display in this matchup of fantasy football titans and Donkey Teeth. You can view the entire draft board here. Jake Ciely was making draft pick trades like Kevin Costner in Draft Day, as he put together a team packed full of youth. On the other hand Scott Pianowski attempted to assemble the oldest dynasty team in history, but was foiled when his friend Andy Behrens sniped Adrian Peterson in the 26th round. One of the most titillating aspects to analyze in any startup dynasty league is where the incoming rookie class goes off the board. But first, let’s take a look at which of our competing analysts selected the most and least rookies in this draft:
Please, blog, may I have some more?I’ve spent the entire offseason rounding up the who’s who of the fantasy football industry. You see, I needed to boost 50 cars in 72 hours to keep my kid brother from getting murdered by a scary mobster. Wait, that was the plot from Gone in 60 Seconds. Sometimes I get my life confused with Nicolas Cage movies. One day I’ll have to tell you about the whole Face Off debacle; what a mess! Anyway, I felt a lot like Memphis Raines rounding up his car theft crew when I was recruiting this all star cast for the Razzball Dynasty Best Ball League: a 12-team, half PPR league featuring a 28-player roster and starting lineups consisting of 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 2 FLEX and no defense or kickers. If you’re unfamiliar with the glorious best ball format, it’s a league format designed for minimal in season management, where the computer will select your optimal starting lineup each week AFTER that week’s NFL games have been played.
Here’s the full star studded list of industry participants and the league’s official draft order:
1. Michael Salfino | The Athletic
2. Dalton Del Don | Yahoo
3. Pat Fitzmaurice | The Football Guys & The Football Girl
4. Rudy Gamble | Razzball
5. Dave Richard | CBS
6. Donkey Teeth | Razzball
7. Jake Ciely | The Athletic
8. Heath Cummings | CBS
9. Nando Di Fino | The Athletic
10. Andy Behrens | Yahoo
11. Scott Pianowski | Yahoo
12. Brandon Myers | Razzball
We’re now about halfway through our 28-round draft, and today I’ll be recapping the first round which was full of wheeling and dealing—that’s right, we allow trades in our dynasty best ball league!
Please, blog, may I have some more?