So here I am, cruising along with my fantasy year with Jimmy Graham a pick in one of my friends leagues. Then the whole foot issue comes up and my response is ‘O-M-G’ and I’m like ‘I’m a grown-ass man…why am I saying OMG?’ These are all important questions to evaluate as we dip into the psyche of a man who told you to SELL Graham not long ago. To be fair, Tehol and I discussed at length – read: he and I tweeted at each other and I asked ‘Is this bad?’ and he was like ‘bro, it’s bad’ and I was like ‘thanks, brah, you’re right’ and he was all ‘like totes no probs, breh’ and I was all like ‘this is terrible dialogue to post on a website’ and he was all like ‘true, bruh’ – so we felt we had this subject covered. To be fair, Graham has been much more hit/miss than many of his owners would’ve expected given the start. He was the cream of the crop at TE before the injury, how could the injury not affect that? That was a rhetorical question, of course, but thank you for the response. After catching 5 catches for 100 yards, scoring a TD and Shaquille O’Neal’ing a goal post, I think we have our answer. Graham is ‘Godzilla’ to us western folk and ‘Godjira’ to the East. You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him until his foot falls off. I 100% own that my sell call could’ve been wrong but remember, we still have 4 more weeks until the season is over; if his reduced workload caused you any fantasy playoff heartache, feel free to cry into my abundant bosom. Ok, my bosom isn’t that abundant, leave me go, weeping one. Anywho, I’m sure you’re gonna ask: what do we do with Graham ROS? Well, sell windows have most likely come and gone so that’s no longer an option. Add/drop…who’s dropping Graham and adding fluff? Not me. So your only hope is you start him all week, every week until it pans out right. He hasn’t been terrible since the injury, just frustrating compared to previous numbers. Only so much control can be contributed to this little world we live in for fantasy and sometimes, little jackwads like myself come along and tell you how to do things and find I’m wrong. In other news from TNF from week 12 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Harry Douglas – Apparently he’s a WR1…who knew? Not Atlanta. Finished with 9 for 79 on 11 targets. Who needs Julio when you’re getting the Harry D every night, right? Oh you need to throw up? Bathroom’s right around the corner…please hit the toilet…please…
Pierre Thomas – If I had told you before the game started that the PT Cruiser would finish the night with a 7.3 ypc average and 5 receptions on 6 targets, you would’ve soiled yourself right then and there. Seriously, cleanup on aisle 6 and buy some depends. Finished with 130 total yards and zero touchdowns because the Falcons went all ‘the season ain’t over yet’ on us all. Falcons, Y U NO ROLL OVER AND DIE?
Steven Jackson – Speaking of rolling over and dying, SJax must’ve found a Voodoo priest as his fantsay life has arisen from the dead for one night with 79 total yards and his first rushing touchdown of the year. I can’t believe I typed those last five words. It takes me back to the early part of summer when I thought the Falcons would be an offensive juggernaut and SJax would fill the role of Michael Turner only better. It was a good time back then. The sun was shining, the grass was growing and my forehead wasn’t bruised from all the times I bashed it in with a keyboard. Fun point, SJax has tallied 65 or more yards in 3 of his last 4 games. Only reason we care about him today is the TD. He’s still in flex hell the rest of the year folks, don’t kid yourself. Believe me, I tried to and it didn’t work.
Roddy White – Milk Carton. Better yet, put him on Interpol at this point, this search needs to go across the globe. Finished with 2/24. I get it, injuries are partially to blame but really? You’re looking a little pale, Mr. White.
Tony Gonzalez – You ever seen video of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon? You notice how he lumbered around, hampered by zero gravity and a heavy suit? That’s how Gonzalez runs now while he catches 4 passes for 43 yards. Can someone explain to me why they didn’t put him out to pasture at the trade deadline to a contender? Anyone?
Mark Ingram – As I mentioned on twitter last night, Ingram has been running like a 40 Year Old Virgin would experience his first time. He’s hitting holes fast and hard and not really paying attention to whether it’s the best hole to hit or whether it’s bringing his team any pleasure. He missed a few good chances. I like his eagerness. It shows moxie. I don’t like his vision. It lacks anti-Trentness.
Antone Smith – This was the guy I was interested in given his team wasn’t making the playoffs. He got one carry. It went for 11 yards. It was impressive. No one but dynasty leaguers care. Moving on.
Kenny Stills/Robert Meachem/Lance Moore – Combined for 62 total yards and 5 receptions. Benjamin Watson almost outscored them in standard leagues combined with his 1 catch, 2 yard TD. This is why we play fantasy football, right? RIGHT?!?
Matt Ryan – Admittedly looked better than I expected. Of course, New Orleans not showing up for a quarter plus added to that. He finished the night with decent yardage, zero TDs and plenty of sacks. Coulda been better, coulda been much worse with the pressure he finally started seeing. Been telling you to drop the Klepto Kid from Can’t Hardly Wait for a while now. Think this night is gonna change my tune?
Darius Johnson – I want to be excited. Believe me, I do. But something about tonight’s coverage screamed ‘we don’t care about this kid’. Open slants pretty much all night until the Saints defense buckled in and Darius finished with 6/67 and a crucial fumble. Almost finished with a touchdown, FWIW. Which is another way of saying ‘hey you. Yeah you, the one in the 18 team league with 5 flex spots. You know that Darius Johnson kid you picked up? Yeah, he almost scored you 12 points and instead he scored you about 4 or 5 in standard. Sorry about that’. Falcons have been dropping bird poop on everyone this year. Only fair you get to join in on the wealth.
Drew Brees – Fart noises. That’s the best I can say about this performance. I knew they slipped a bit away from home but damn…really? I get it, it’s a decent line with 278 and 2 TDs but I’m expecting that from Mike Glennon this weekend, not Drew frickin’ Brees man. Oh and whoever you are that had that last -11 yard rushing play affect reaching the playoffs this week: I feel for you, I really do.