I know, I know, I should’ve seen this coming. I think Hunter S. Thompson put it best: ‘You can turn your back on a person but never turn your back on a drug’. I let my guard down, forgot that I was dealing with an addict. Kubiak’s passion for Matt Schaub runs deeper than THE Bruce Dickenson’s want for more cowbell. I should’ve known that he’d get the itch at some point again. How many days had it been since crazy ‘ole Kub had seen a ‘drop back and fall to the ground because I’m an immobile QB’ sack? When was the last time he got to see one of those patented stalled drives down near the goal line from his old QB flame? We all understand, Gary, you just can’t quit this man. You guys had such good times together. Like that pick-6 he threw in week 2. And then that other one he threw in week 3. Oh and do you remember that one he threw in week 4? That one was a beauty. Personally, though, I’m partial to the one he threw in week 5 that helped him set an NFL record for consecutive games with a pick 6. I mean, imagine that: your starting QB setting NFL records. That makes you proud as a coach. You can’t quit that. Not after someone has made a burger about it. No sir. You don’t care what the stats say or the energy the new QB brings to the team. You do anything and everything in your power to undermine the confidence of that young man. I mean, who does he think he is? Throwing 5 TDs in 2 games to big AJ, the guy who had 4 total in his last 20 games heading into that string. He’s…uh…just not moving the ball right that way. Gotta spread it around. We need more 5 yard bootleg passes to the TE! We can’t have plays that go for more than 10 yards. What’s the fun in that? That’s not Schaub-style football, dammit! Dear Gary Kubiak, consider this lead paragraph my love song to you in the swan song that is your career as the Houston Texans coach. Please note I typed it only using two fingers, both of them middle. In other fantasy news from week 14’s Thursday Night Football contest…