The Do’s and Don’ts of Fantasy Football Drafting

Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum… and then promptly get distracted by RedTube. So pretty much every other Wednesday. (Well, for me, at least.) We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101” stuff out of the way, we arrive at the “Do’s and Don’ts” of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff! I know. Granted, these are based on my own experiences within the fantasy football landscape, so take them for what you will. Which frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time. Much like my lovemaking.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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A Handy Chart (Not for Navigating the Ocean)

August 17, 2016 | 2016 Draft Strategy, 2016 Draft Tools, 2016 Fantasy Football | 6 Comments

by: Jay

Soooo, yeah, I got bored. What can I say? Even with such an illustrious life of binge drinking and hanging out with your mom, there are empty spaces to fill. And I give you something that came out of one of those spaces. And while this is probably considered more a table than a chart (and a crude one at that!), I wouldn’t have been able to make a nautical joke in the title. I’m all about the nautical jokes, baby. The thought process here is, (and be careful, you’ll be entering my thoughts, so duck if you see heavy amounts of tacos, or, you know, do your best motorboat impersonation):

“Well, you know what I would really like? Besides a fudgesicle? Actually, that’s all I’d really like. Wait, then I can’t explain my chart. Well… okay, but this is the last favor I’m doing for you. (What, this is how my brain works… kinda makes you wonder why you are even here, right?) So… what I’d like right now, besides fudge in my mouth, is a sort of reference thingamajig and tells me where all my picks will land if I’m picking, let’s say, 5th in a 12-team draft. Where are the rest of my picks? WHERE I ASK YOU! Look at all this internal strife. FUUUUDGE.”

So, you see all that? I needed something to tell me where my picks are, because I react to math like I do canned asparagus. This is a bad thing for all you canned asparagus lovers out there. All three of you. So, here’s a nifty chart/table-thang (thing?) that won’t necessarily help you navigate international waters, but might come in handy during your drafts…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Fantasy Football Team Name Generator

August 16, 2016 | 2016 Draft Strategy, 2016 Draft Tools, 2016 Fantasy Football | 8 Comments

by: Jay

We are approaching the beginning of the Fantasy Football season. SURPRISE! There are Fantasy Football Rankings everywhere, the Draft Strategy series has begun, and everything is falling into place except for one big thing (that’s what she said). That’s right, your potential team name remains the one true mystery that must be solved. Be the Sherlock of your league. Don’t be the Dr. Watson. I mean, do be a doctor if you can, that seems like an admirable profession that pays well. More like… don’t be the “Watson” part. Actually, being Watson isn’t that bad either, since you get to star in a plethora of Hobbit movies with a guy who wears spandex and ping-pong balls as a living. So, actually, you can be both those guys AND have an amazing team name. That’s what I’m trying to say. I think. Anyhow, allow me to introduce the Razzball Fantasy Football Team Name Generator.

Post some of your favorites below!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Fantasy Football: A Beginner’s Guide

August 16, 2016 | 2016 Draft Strategy, 2016 Fantasy Football | 19 Comments

by: Jay

What this picture presupposes is, maybe it should be?

Welcome to what could be called the “first installment” of our 2016 Draft Strategy. This journey will help prepare you for Draft day, and will likely also be filled with an assortment of snacks ranging from TWIX® candy bars and FUNYUNS®, basically what I like to call: breakfast. And don’t tell me why they’re written all in caps, that’s their official “name”, so I can only assume that we are meant to shout it out every time, which, now that I think of it, seems totally natural. Q: “What are you hungry for?” A: “TWIX MOTHER F*CKER!” See what I mean? Regardless, this opening salvo of strategic knowledge (everything sounds better when weaponized) is focused for those of you who have no idea what fantasy football is or what it does. And yes, to all the Razzball regulars, you’ve read this before, but I know there are some of you out there that are new to the site or new to the game. If so, this Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football is for you. And listen, don’t be afraid of being the “noob”, that’s not a derogatory title for me. It can be derogatory, but for those who do use it as a negative descriptor, just remember, they were noobs once too. We all have to start somewhere… Which is probably your mom’s basement. And if that’s the case, you’ve completed half the journey, some would say. (Me!)

So, you want to play Fantasy Football? Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Diggin’ the Stefon

August 15, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football |

by: M@

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During a football draft one year, we hit round six and I made the quote: “Here’s where it gets interesting, yet boring.” Seven years later, I still hear about it. But what those silly fools I play with don’t understand is that the statement’s not that Johnny Bananas in reality. Sure, everyone and their ~~mom~~ (mom’s don’t play fantasy football…they have Pinterest…) knows the names of the first few rounds, and you should all know to wait for upside, defenses and kickers for the final rounds, but what about the clusterf*ck in the middle? It can be a big pile of I don’t knows, wild guesses, and ESPN says he’s ranked 50th overall!!!’s. So let’s sort through the trash like Scrooge McDuck diving into his treasure room of gold coins and mine those players for the middle rounds to find some overrated hype, underrated targets, and the sleepiest of sleepers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Fantasy Football Razzball Commenter Leagues

August 15, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Razzball Commenter Leagues | 22 Comments

by: Jay

So, wouldn’t it be cool if you could take on some of your favorite contributors and all of the Razzball readers/commenters in one huge Free Fantasy Football League? IT WOULD BE COOL YO. That’s why we made this possible. And why it was in all caps. Welcome to the 2016 Fantasy Football RCL! Where all of the Razzballers get to hang out, talk some football, and compete against each other in the game we all love. While we can’t create a single 500 person league as of yet, since the technology has yet to be invented, what we can do is create multiple 12-person leagues and pit them all against each other. If you don’t like that, well, you can be the one to wait for the future to come. So enjoy those dragons with lasers, wearing leather and blasting Daft Punk. ENJOY IT. However, if you are not such a timey prude, join us for some fantasy football funnage. Totally a word. So I present to you: the 2016 RCL Fantasy Football Season, with prizes!

Before you get started, I know that some of you out there may have never played fantasy football before. That’s okay! Razzball will have a Beginners Fantasy Football Guide tomorrow just for you! Maybe you’re a seasoned veteran, well, we have a 2016 Fantasy Football Draft Kit that’s being updated everyday, be sure check it out multiple times. (That’s what she said.) And can’t think of a team name? Check out our Fantasy Football Team Name Generator. Need some rankings? Oh, we got some Fantasy Football Rankings for ya! Now, let’s get to the good stuff…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Podcast: Do You Believe In Fitzmagic?

August 13, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Podcast, Fantasy Football Podcast | 26 Comments

by: Jay

In a “low-energy cast”, Tehol and I return to the old school style of doing things. In that, I mean we do it Double Dragon style. For those of you who remember Nintendo, you know what’s up. For those of you who don’t, well then, just assume it’s sexual innuendo and move on. Regardless, because it was a small news week and the big “draft” Podcasts (a two-part series hopefully) won’t be created (in all it’s majesty) and all it’s parentheses until next week, we stuck to some NFL topics that are somewhat fantasy relevant… like RG-III and Ryan Fitzpatrick. Haha, fantasy relevant…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tehol’s 2016 Rankings: Wide Receivers

August 12, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Rankings | 37 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Greetings! How are things? Caught your teenage daughter was making smut films? No worries, the Lord’s wide receiver ranking are here for you, hand delivered on ruby-encrusted silver platter by my man-servant, Ralph Lifpshitz. Tis’ true, not only does he hand feed me grapes, but he stole my whole style and became a popular writer here at the site! I’m so proud; I now smile like a proud father watching his only son that made it. With that being said, I’ve been receiving (no pun intended… haha, oh, that’s really not funny) countless requests for my wideout rankings, as there are obviously many of you doing your drafts early. Why, I have no clue, but that’s what ya’ll do, so I’m going to give this to you hard and raw, like you were a Kardashian, backstage at a Black Panther Party award ceremony. Say one thing for the Kardashians, they love African-American sausage, and can you really blame them? Look at the size of those things!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Vote For Gore

August 11, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 2 Comments

by: Son

Al Gore has never received the respect he deserves. He was the 45th Vice President of the United States, the Democratic Party’s nominee for President in 2000, Nobel Peace Prize winner in 2007, on the Board of Directors of Apple, and senior advisor to Google. Yet, he’s known as the guy that “invented the internet.” The only problem with that, though, is he didn’t actually say that. What he did say was, “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.” Change a few words, take things out of context then…POOF. A narrative is born. Enough outlets pick up the headline and it becomes a national story.

Frank Gore is no longer receiving the respect that he deserves in fantasy football. According to FantasyPros ADP data, Gore is being selected as the 32nd running back and 75th player overall.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit it or Quit it, Preseason: Let’s All Play with Our Fleeners

August 10, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football |

by: Jennifer

Good afternoon, ladies and gents, convicts and inmates, and all you sassy little pervs in between. It’s me, your gorgeous and ever so present Fantasy Football Goddess, here for your reading pleasure. How have you all been since my valiant return last week? I would expect your lives to once again have meaning and (for a majority of you) to have rekindled your passionate love for me. It’s understandable. I am one in a million. Quite a few of you seem to have remembered how awesome I am as per your comments section from last week’s article, and I thank you for all of the love. The season is crawling closer and, as promised, I am back to give you some more things to think about (other than picturing me in compromising positions). Are you as excited as I am? I doubt that. There is nothing I enjoy more than whipping men, in fantasy football, that is. But enough about me and what I enjoy doing in my spare time. Let’s cut the foreplay, turn those lights back down, bust out the “Cosby Cocktails” with a little extra sump’in, sump’in in them, and get down to business. Ask and ye shall receive, and what’s better than receiving, right? Here you go my loyal horde. Hit it or Quit it, Preseason Edition, Vol. 2.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Dynasty Rankings: Tight Ends

August 10, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Rankings | 17 Comments

by: Jay

Dynasty Rankings: Top-150 | QB | RB | WR | TE | Top-50 Rookies

Year	Accuracy	Rank	High	Low	Percentile
2015	57.5%	22 out of 123	59.9%	51.6%	Top 20%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

And that’s it folks. Rankings are now done, and for those of you who have asked for projections, I’ve been working on them all week and hopefully we’ll get them out some time soon. (Next week is our goal!) In the meantime, our preseason content will now start to gain a bit more focus. So here are your 2016 Tight End Dynasty Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 Dynasty Rankings: Wide Receivers

August 9, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Rankings | 12 Comments

by: Jay

Dynasty Rankings: Top-150 | QB | RB | WR | TE | Top-50 Rookies

Year	Accuracy	Rank	High	Low	Percentile
2015	57.5%	22 out of 123	59.9%	51.6%	Top 20%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

As mentioned in our Dynasty Top-150 post the other day, it’s our first time doing dynasty rankings here at Razzball and we’re continuing the trend by bringing you the position-by-position rankings. Hey, it’s almost Déjà vu! Mostly because it is. Even more so because I borrowed that opening line from yesterday. Can you tell how much I want to get rankings over with? I can! Well, I mean, of course I can, I know exactly what I want… I am in touch with myself. I actually believe that works both literally and figuratively, which seems almost too clever, even for me. Then again, I’m almost making this intro into an existential clusterf*ck, so let’s just get to the rankings. Next up are Tight Ends and then we are finally done! WOOOOOOOOOO!

Please, blog, may I have some more?