Greetings! I’ve just now pulled myself out of the filthy pit of wretchedness that losses from MY Seattle Seahawks and MY Buffalo Bills placed me in. Well, them and the mass quantities of drugs and alcohol partnered with 12,000 calories of ribs, cupcakes, and peach cobbler I made for myself and all my guests on Sunday. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s a binger. Anyways, speaking of wretched pits of despair, I’m curious to know how Philadelphia Eagles fans are feeling at this moment in time. Prized free agent running back DeMarco Murray has been useless thanks to an offensive line being treated like Donald Trump, if he were to show his face at a “Mexican Lives Matter” rally. Sam Bradford resembles a teenage girl in shoulder pads and I feel like it’s just a matter of time before he goes down like a Kardashian at a Grammy’s after-party. And big-money free agent Byron Maxwell has been toasted so many times thus far, I believe he’d need to hold the opposition catchless for the remainder of the season in order to receive a positive grade from all the professional scouts out there. Chip Kelly is still looking for “his precious”, a quarterback that can flourish in his system (preferably an agile one), and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to discover it anytime soon being that they’re going up against Darrelle Revis and that vastly improved Jets secondary in Week 3. Maybe some wizard-protected Hobbit is boguarding the secret treasure that Kelly has seemingly lost in 2015, but unless he’s able to see invisible beings, he just may be out of luck. Maybe a couple extra kale smoothies will fix everything, but this has the look of a total dumpster fire. FIRE EVERYONE!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Amen.

I just noticed this, but even though he's really injured, Niles Paul seems like he's looking at my "Amen" right there in total agreement. Actually, probably not. I'm probably just drunk.

I just noticed this, but even though he’s really injured, Niles Paul seems like he’s looking at my “Amen” right there in total agreement. Actually, probably not. I’m probably just drunk.

Or if you’re an atheist like me, no men. Or maybe that’s being sexist. Honestly, who cares? With an offseason full of deflated balls and, well, actually, come to think of it, that’s all I can really remember. Okay, I guess it wasn’t as bad as the last offseason, where people were punched and seasons of some high profile players were already lost, you know, because of said punchings… I guess talking about your/my/Tom Brady’s balls isn’t the worst outcome in the history of man. We’ll just call it a close second. And so it was, six games of football were played last night. Sure, it’s just the first week of the preseason (with more games to come this Saturday!), but any football is good football. And while the notes you’re used to won’t go into regular season mode until the NFL does, I’m still here to overview what happened last night. So shall we dance our first dance? Don’t worry, it’s cool, I already established no men. (Did that land? Hmm, maybe I’m in preseason mode too…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jay’s 2015 RankingsTop-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QB | RB | RB (PPR)WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Rookies |

Kevin’s 2015 IDP RankingsTop-100 | DL | DB | LB

Now we’re getting to the meat and potatoes of the fantasy rankings, perfect for the protein-starch diet which has netted me zero results. While last week’s ranking extravaganza with an opening salvo of kickers and defense was such a memorable experience, in that, it wasn’t, this week, we start getting serious. But not too serious, because we are talking about tight ends, more specifically, our tight ends, which probably needs less pants. Why? Because everything needs less pants. Think about it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

13821525-standard

To be honest, I’m not quite sure who or what Josh Hill, and that might be true for a long while. Well, I mean, I know he’s human, and that he’s also an American Football player, those seem pretty safe bets. But beyond that, I have no idea what his stock will be come opening week. He could very well be overrated by that time, perhaps underrated depending on the draft or any other transactions that may develop, or he just might remain a sleeper. In fact, I omitted him from my 2015 Way-Too-Early Rankings for the very fact that I have no idea what to do. Much like in life. I can say there are some things in his favor (mainly Drew Brees) and there are some things that may not be in his favor. Let’s discuss!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trent-Reznor-III
Last week, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins attempted to put himself on the same pedestal as Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder in an interview on The Howard Stern Show. Say whaaaat! While I do appreciate a lot of the music he put out in the 90’s, and consider Siamese Dream to be a masterpiece of sound, you Billy Corgan are not quite at the level of those two legends. Pearl Jam and Nirvana are in a class of their own.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So it was an odd week to be a Seahawks fan and a rooter for the underdog turned belle of the ball Cowboys. My emotions were – much like the shirts of someone going 80’s chic – torn but in reality, it was just a good game plan by the Cowboys and a really disjointed one for Pete Carroll and company. You said ‘joint’. Good grief, Washingtonians, really? THAT’s all you got outta that? Moving along, let’s look a bit into the troubled world of the Seattle offense for a moment, shall we? Truthfully, it’s funny to think of them as troubled. I’d like to say more ‘directionless’ than troubled. But good teams have bad games. Let them pass and move along and take advantage of the cheap offers they create in the DK world. Looking at Percy Harvin, it’s hard to explain how he’s not seeing the ball more. He’s the most dynamic offensive player Seattle has but has been targeted 26 times in five games. That’s a pace of 83 targets on the year. To put that in perspective, Emmanuel Sanders is on pace for 153 and he’s not even the primary target in Denver. I think Seattle comes out embarrassed, hungry and angry against the Rams and I think Harvin will do a good amount of damage…as long as the refs don’t call all the TDs back this time. #NeverForget. In all, at $4,100 he makes for a nice low priced option with huge upside that leaves you room to spend up elsewhere as needed. So with that, let’s move on. Here’s some more hot takes for the week 7 DK slate for 2014 Fantasy Football…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?