Well, this is it folks. We are nearing the end of what was a glorious and scrumptious set of weeks going over the bulk of our fantasy rankings. Coincidentally, glorious and scrumptious is how I’m described at most dinner parties. With a hint of lilac and ginger. So I’m basically a hot tea. Hot tea. Hottie. HUUUUUUR. Anyways, you should give me a dollar for these set of rankings. Why? So I can give you some quarters back…? I’m simply on fire here. No, I’m serious. It’s the District and we’re in the unbearable humid stage of summer. So I literally need to stick a fire extinguisher between my thighs to prevent chaffed rashes and combustion. It’s like the forest from Fern Gully down there.
I admit, it took me a long time to get on the Russell Wilson bandwagon, but I’m finally on it, and it looks like I’m on for the entire ride. At least for the sake of that metaphor. I’ve ranked him third, just behind Aaron Rodgers and Andrew Luck. In terms of Rodgers and Luck, you could flip them and I wouldn’t care too much. I’m slightly going with Rodgers just because I think he’s a more dynamic performer… which sounds like a some kind of corporate catch-phrase to describe that I just think he’s a bit better. Because of the synergistic entrapment’s from the fiscal reversal of polarity. Something like that. But with Wilson, he was able to net 312 fantasy points (or around that in most formats) with just 20 throwing touchdowns. I’m not one to enter into that strangely heated debate of whether or not Wilson is an elite quarterback or not, (he sometimes is and isn’t, so I guess he’s not elite unless his production achieves more consistancy), but in terms of fantasy, he is an elite option because of the 700 or so yards (plus the 3-5 touchdowns) he’ll produce on the ground. That has immense value, and with the addition of Jimmy Graham, his throwing numbers could seemingly improve.
I got a lot of flack last year for ranking Peyton Manning second (which I later moved down to third) in our 2014 Quarterback Rankings, and while I still like him as a fantasy football cornerstone, that stone is starting to erode from the waters of time. So existential! I think it’s fair to say he’s not getting any younger, just how it’s fair to say that his forehead will always remain at that peak size.
That being said, there simply aren’t many others you’d want at this position, despite being old and having a Buick sized noggin’, and, you know, an arm that produces more ducks than a lake. Yeah, you’re right, that one was kind of forced. Gotta stick with the forehead jokes, honestly. Regardless, I think flirting with near-5,000 yards is asking a bit much, but there’s nothing wrong with an automatic 4,000 yards and 30+ touchdowns from probably the greatest quarterback in football history. Yes, I’m serious. No, I’m not including the playoffs.
And if you think I got some flack for my Manning ranking last year, my Matthew Stafford ranking takes the cake. Which is unfortunate, because who doesn’t like cake? In fact, I remember someone asking me why I had Luck ranked so high and Stafford so low, and my response at the time is still something that holds true here: Luck is a talented quarterback with a lot of weapons, and Stafford is a mediocre quarterback with a lot of weapons. And last season, with Megatron struggling a bit with health, the results were a bit telling. I’m staying away again this season.
Lastly, if you didn’t already know how much I loved Teddy Bridgewater going into this season, my aggressive ranking has now made clear that I do love him. Or I’m really-really crazy. To be fair, I didn’t put him in the top-10 (though I thought about it, like, a lot), but I do think he’s eminently more draftable then previous lower round options like Jay Cutler, Eli Manning, and Andy Dalton.