Greetings! Doing two posts a week, back-to-back, can be quite stressful, especially considering I’m attempting to give you nothing but my pure unadulterated best. Sometimes it’s necessary for me to spend 30 minutes in a steamy hot shower, letting the water pelt my chiseled body, watching the droplets stream down my crevices (anyone else aroused?) like the tear drops cried by the last 3,000 women who attempted to tame me, while listening to hard hitting rap music, in order for me deliver something I deem acceptable. [Jay’s Note: The longest sentence ever…] So, shout out to Drake (for the first and last time), for dropping hot fiery rocks on Meek Mill the fraud and for inspiring me to touch on every single offense playing skill position player drafted in the first three rounds of 2015. I won’t dig too deep, as the majority of your attention span seems to be shorter than a squirrel’s privates, but if you have any specific questions on the named men, then ask them in the comment section and will reward you with a facial of fantasy football information. Remember to look at some of these players from a dynasty perspective, as I know many of you, much like myself, like to pluck them when they’re young, cheap, and willing… When it comes to Lord Beddict, first of his name, remember to hate, not the player, but the game.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, Rookie Edition! Take Heed!

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So let me get this straight… there are three AFC North teams in the playoffs? No, I don’t care for this much AFC North in the playoffs. And I guess I should tackle the elephant in the room and mention that yes, I do know the Chargers lost. (I like bourbon more than bourbon likes me. True story, bro.) That’s okay, not every one can play in the NFC South. So yeah, now we can officially say good bye to the 2014 regular season of the National Football League. (We hardly knew ye!)

While most of us essentially closed up shop last week, today actually marks the end to Razzball’s 2014 Fantasy Football Season, and like I said the other day, we couldn’t do it with out you guys and gals. The Razzball community is numero uno, which I could translate for you if I knew French. Obviously, I don’t. I’d like to also give a special thanks to all of our contributors this season. KC (Kati), Jennifer, Andrew Nordmeier, Seth, J-FOH, Kevin Kumpf, Smokey, Nico, Tehol, malamoney (Matt), waterloo (Michael), and Ralph… great job everyone!

Be sure to join us during the offseason. We’ll be dissecting our previous rankings, projections, preseason calls, and then we’ll have the draft content, the free agency period soon there after, and before you know it, mini-camps are back and we can do this all over again. Time is a flat circle. Everything we’ve ever done or will do, we’re gonna do over and over and over again. Alright-alright-alright. Until then, Razzball is covering your favorite non-football sports for Basketball, Soccer, and Hockey.

Now, back to your regularity scheduled round-up…

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This post is short and to the point. Who’s playing, who’s sitting, and who’s status do you need to monitor leading up to game time for this weekend’s match ups. Week 17 is bear and it’s always a crapshoot trying to plan for championships won in this week. I got the AFC and my brother in Razz, the Hateful One, has the NFC. We’ll give you what we got and try to help you navigate through the madness. Just so we’re clear your Commissioner is an A-Hole. Really Week 17? I remember my first Fantasy League too!

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If you’re reading this column, one of the following things must be true:

A. You have a team in the championship game and are looking for an extra edge.

B. You’re trying to figure out how to play the DeMarco Murray situation.

C. You really love fantasy football.

D. Any combination of the above.

With it being championship week, there aren’t a whole lot of updates that can be made or waiver wire pickups. You should be in a position where your team got through the semifinals okay and you should be able to set your lineup now for the final. Keep in mind we have a Thursday night clunker (TEN vs JAX) and games on Saturday this week too (WSH-PHI; SF-SD), and that will play a little role in how you set things up.

Let’s see what we can figure out for those little extra boosts…

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Well, well, well, here we are again my lovelies, Week 15!  We are a’tappin’ on the backdoor of playoff season.  This past week was very unkind to yours truly in the Fantasy Football area, as it seems my Black Widow Curse went on a feeding frenzy and decimated every piece of man soul on my rosters.  Hell, even George, the groundskeeper I picked up back in Week 3, went down with a severed spine AND a triple felony.  Yes, this has to be one of the most unforgiving Fantasy Football seasons I have ever had the displeasure of engaging in.  The amount of pain I have endured this season would make even the Marquis de Sade blush.  Thankfully, it is almost over and I can go back to my life of ComiCons and meth smoking.  Like I mentioned in my very first Hit it or Quit it post for Razzball, playing Fantasy Football is a lot like dating… sometimes you are the one doing the screwing, and sometimes you are the one getting screwed.  So, as we knock on the backdoor of playoffs, lay back, get comfy, throw on some Luther Vandross, and let me do my thing (I’ll even buy you dinner first) with this week’s Hit it or Quit it.

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If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

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That’s right folks. One of the best teams in the NFL (tied with Denver for the league’s best record) is none other than the Seattle Seahawks, Detroit Lions, New England Patriots, Arizona Cardinals. I believe this fact, combined with the Cleveland Browns having a winning record in November, is what was described in the bible as “Judgement Day”. Or maybe I’m thinking of some Terminator movie. Either way, the world is ending, but not before the offensive, defensive, adequate in all facets juggernaut known as the Cardinals has a chance to build off an unlikely Cowboys defeat at the hands of Colt McCoy (lol). The latest news, of this writing, has Tony Romo questionable and a game-time decision, but I have to think Josh Gordon, like myself, is really looking forward to Weeden’. Even if Brandon Weeden does take the start, you’d have to think that DeMarco Murray will touch the ball around 564 times, which, if I did the math right, is only two more times than his season average… should be fun!

Week 9 Rankings have been updated for today’s games, for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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I’m going in a different direction this week, and staying out of the running back game. I’m going to battle four wide receivers at once, and give you a little mini-ranking at the end. We got a preseason darling that has been testing the patience of his owners, a rookie who has opportunity and upside, a third-year break out playing as a WR3 regularly, and lastly, a fourth year player who has been a little lost in a sea of rookies. What’s the Logic here? It’s just me playing shenanigans. I’m kidding, have a sense of humor. But really let’s get serious.

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Without targets, there would be no receptions. Being targeted is the first, and most crucial factor, to the success of a pass catcher. If the ball isn’t thrown in your direction, you cannot succeed. I decided to take a look at how targets were being spread around among each team and then how each player was converting those targets. Below are the results and I’ve included a link to the Excel spreadsheet (Download) containing the full report. This exercise will only be “targeting” wide receivers and tight ends.

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J.J. Watt has more fantasy points than LeSean McCoy. I just thought I would share that with you fine folks out there. With that being said, I also want to establish that we witnessed the first competitive Thursday Night Football game of the season… in Week 6. And it certainly did not look like that at first. The first quarter was actually written by Franz Kafka. The Colts built a 24-0 lead, and the Texans had run more plays than yards gained. And as the game started getting away from us all, like a small child being held by Adrian Peterson. Or like the freedom once held by Adrian Peterson. Adrian Peterson is an a**hat is what I’m trying to say. What I’m also trying to say is holy f*cking sh*t T.Y Hilton. And despite the Colts going Ivan Drago on the Texans early in the game, they amazingly gritted their way back with an insane display of footballing by J.J. Watt (good lord, I should have drafted Watt as an offensive player), Arian Foster staying injury free, and Andre Johnson actually proving that, in fact, he is alive and well. Yes, it was all in an effort so that Fitzmagic could lose by a closer margin than expected (oh Houston), but seeing as how we have to watch the Patriots win by at least 30 points next Thursday, this competitive game (mostly) was a wonderful reprieve.

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