What’s the difference between Jon Gruden in September and an overripe California-grown tomato? The tomato doesn’t have to put up with Mark Davis for the next seven years, who, coincidentally (or not?), also looks like an overripe tomato — except Davis does for all 12 months of the year. For Gruden, it’s just about a two-month sweet spot, and who can blame him for wanting to get his bronze on to complete that irresistible visor look? From the TV, he looks like he’s yap-yap-yapping from the first whistle to the last, the same way Pete Carroll is chomping at the bit from the moment he comes out of the tunnel.

Both Carroll and Gruden have attractive fantasy running backs at their disposal as they prepare week after week in the form of Chris Carson and Josh Jacobs. They also appear to be staring at pretty hefty fines from the league office after looking somewhat lax with their mask usage during gameplay on Sunday and Monday. No matter how you spin it, the NFL was hit with a plethora of unfortunate story lines in Week 2, with stars on both sides of the ball doing down with seemingly every ailment underneath the moon. That makes my job entering Week 3 of the season as difficult as it’s going to get (*knock on wood, although Gruden’s mid-section as of late Monday night would suffice*), so let’s fast-forward through the pleasantries and get to the ever-controversial top 60 ROS running back rankings. First, let’s take a quick trip around the league via some player news and updates.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As the final night of Week 1 of the 2020 NFL season winds to a close, I find myself updating Razzball’s top 60 running back rankings with some unusual sights dancing in front of my eyes. Stephen Gostkowski has missed three kicks and a field goal, Noah Fant looked like the best player on the field in the first half, Corey Davis is shredding the Broncos defense and my dog is licking his butt in the corner of the room as I scream about all of these things. Also on Monday were some unusual running back performances, highlighted by Saquon Barkley’s six-yard game on the ground and a breakout day for Benny Snell of Pittsburgh. Oddly enough, it looked for a little while like we really might see a 50-50 workload split in Denver before Melvin Gordon took over in the fourth quarter. If you’re already losing your mind over realities such as these, it might be a long 16 weeks to follow for you. On the plus side, we’re here to help you navigate the rest of the way with your running backs, as the weekly top 60 picks back up today with some drastic changes including some movement inside the top 10. First, let’s take a quick trip around the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Two days, football fans! Two days! That means the 2020 NFL Season will be upon us in a smaller span of time than your average game of cricket. Quicker than your seven round NFL Draft. And much faster than it takes Kirk Cousins to get rid of the ball on a typical pass play. Just two days and we’ll have NFL football. Two days until you get to turn months of research and late-night draft parties into something that actually matters as all the projection slowly turns into production. Today, we’ll begin with the former as I reveal my top 60 running backs heading into week one of the 2020 season. As a general baseline, I’ll be using half-PPR scoring for these rankings. Moving forward, I will continuously update these 60 backs on a weekly basis to provide an up-to-date snapshot at the top options at the position moving forward. Before we get into the actual rankings, here are some highlights from the opening list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we prepare for the 2020 season, there are tons of hot takes swirling around the internet. Some are baseless tweets and articles meant to stir up conversation and clicks. Others are bold predictions that do have some foundation in reality, even if it’s a long shot. I plan to make this article somewhere in the middle.

Football is set up for small samples with only 16 games in a season and roughly 55-65 offensive snaps per game. In football, even a player with “a lot” of volume may only participate in a fantasy relevant play on 20 of those snaps. Contrast that with baseball where each hitter on a team sees 600 at bats in a season!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At the highest-stakes Texas hold ’em poker table in Iowa, you put your career on the line. Every Friday, a group of graduate students gathered at a professor’s house. This professor, he was short, balding, and a British footballer. If it was your first time at his table, you’d drink wine for free and he’d chip $10 into the pot for you. He’d grab an LP, something you never heard before but was charming, like The Doves or Interpol. A 500-page book sat at the edge of the poker table, and the professor talked about the awards it won and his Cambridge education. He’d invite you back for another game, but next time, you bring the wine and chip in $20 to the pot. By the fifth game, you’re bringing snacks and booze and maybe some of his groceries. The book was always on the table, as were the stories of Cambridge. One night, the soundtrack would be Tom Waits for three hours straight. Who listens to Tom Waits for that long? Of course, he asked you to get the $60 bottle of wine because you’re enjoying your time so much. Seems like the professor is winning more than usual tonight. Around 11PM, you notice there’s some cards missing from the discard pile nearby the professor. You mention it. The professor stands, his hand on his award-winning book, his mood affected by the Pinot Noir you paid for. He looks you in the eye and says, “You’re accusing an award-winning, full professor in your department, from Cambridge, of cheating?” And you realize: it’s the cost of the wine and the buy-in, or your career. You went swimming with the sharks, and you got eaten. You back down. Tom Waits keeps growling in the background. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So Zeke caught the Rona? I’m not surprised, that guy is always asking for people to feed him. Just goes to show you how important it is to feed yourself during pandemics, there’s no telling where other people’s hands have been. So depending on who you talk to, this Zeke news means one of three things: 1) there will be no NFL season, 2) Zeke is now the #1 fantasy pick since he has all those glorious antibodies, 3) our lizard rulers are using 5G to control the population size. The clear answer is #3, but the idea of COVID-immunity really solidifies Elliott as #3 in my top 10 running backs for 2020 fantasy football. I need to figure out how to steal some sweet antibodies away from those reptiles on Capital Hill. Update: I just read that humans may never develop immunity to COVID-19. C’mon 2020, throw us a bone! Speaking of bones, here’s my top 20 running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My parents are in the golden years of their lives right now entering their 60’s. My mom just retired after 25 years working for the government and my Dad is less than a year away from retirement. I guess that you could say that my dad is already semi-retired, because he works remotely during the winter in a condo that they bought down South. Now that they spend their winters away from the cold, they see no reason to maintain their home in the Midwest so they are down-sizing to condo here as well. Down-sizing has it’s perks, but it also comes with the burden of getting rid of the amount of unnecessary things that they have acquired and put into storage over the years.

Some of the stuff there is mine from when I lived with them up until my early 20s. Stuff I didn’t have room for in an apartment. Stuff that I had forgotten even existed until very recently. As an excuse to go down memory lane with me, my mom has been inviting me over to go through my things and see if I want to keep anything before it’s basically inaccessible forever. There’s baseball and football cards, posters, model cars, yearbooks (yuck), and childhood pictures that I might want to show or give to my kid who is now 10.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bill O’Brien has done it again, my friends! The Houston Texans have traded the 57th overall pick in the 2020 NFL Draft to the Los Angeles Rams for Brandin Cooks. When Bill O’Brien inevitably gets banished from the NFL for completely gutting the Texans organization of it’s assets, I hope he doesn’t dip his toes into the financial realm. If he does, promise me that you won’t let him manage your portfolio. The economy is hectic enough as it is in these trying times.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The Texans were coming into the draft with 3 picks in the top 57. This draft holds one of the deepest wide receiver classes in recent memory. After trading DeAndre Hopkins, the top receivers on the Houston roster were Kenny Stills and Will Fuller. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The dynamic duo are back from a short hiatus to bring you some news and notes from around the league. Sports may be suspended, but that hasn’t stopped NFL free agency or trades. 

B_Don and Donkey Teeth discuss the DeAndre Hopkins/David Johnson trade rape, and the fall out for each team. We discuss Todd Gurley landing in Atlanta and Stefon Diggs to the Bills before breaking down the free agent signings by position. Let us help snap you out of that non-sports COVID funk! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?