Normally I like to feature someone who surprised or rose above the crowd when they normally don’t. However, no one really did anything to dominate the ball anything like what Arian Foster did. On 30 touches, Foster gave his fantasy owners nearly 170 total yards to go with his TD plunge. I should know, I played against his owner with a 20 point lead. It always hurts when you look and see someone with 100 yards at the half and a touchdown. Overall, his first half would’ve been more than enough but he came back to front the load for Houston as they were without Ben Tate for the game. Speaking of Tate, I really thought some of these yards/carries so far into the season would be partially going to him but now Foster is on pace for 422 carries and 32 catches. That’s a lot of touches for one season. Now I’m not trying to scare Foster owners as he’s already given you a few questionable/probable heart palpitations on Sundays already this season but realize this. Larry Johnson was a stud with a capital ES TEE YOU DEE back in 2006 for the Kansas City Chiefs. On 416 carries, LJ had a career year with 19 rushing touchdowns and 1789 rushing yards. Wanna know what he did the rest of his career? It truly was the beginning of the end as he never played 16 games in a season again with his last successful run being 12 games for 874 yards and 5 TDs. And then he started choking women. When Arian Foster is a super stud, he carries the ball over 30 times a game. When he carries it 30 times a game, he starts shortening his career. When he starts shortening his career, he starts strangling women in Vegas. Don’t let your Foster strangle women in Vegas. Sign up for more Ben Tate. That was my best DirecTV commercial impersonation. Well, at least I thought it was good. In other fantasy football news for Monday night…oh, I need to mention. This week is a week full ‘o’ meetings. Now I know most of you are used to prompt and incorrect fantasy advice but this week will be a little different. You’ll get late and incorrect fantasy advice for the most part. Just know during my 15 minute breaks I’ll be chugging a Latte while telling you to drop Calvin Johnson for a Green Bay RB. I keed. Stick with me and I’ll get back to as soon as I can. Now really back to the goods.
Mark Sanchez - I can imagine what was going through his head before the game. All the media keeps saying they it’s Tebow Time in New York? Well I’ll show them Tebow Time in New York! Sanchez completed less than 50% of his passes while chucking two very bad INTs, one of them killing a drive at halftime that would’ve at least ended in 3 most likely. Whether or not Tim Tebow would do any better is probably a pointless argument now. We all know he’s coming. At least that’s what Rex Ryan said when looking at pictures of his wife’s feet. Wait what?
Andre Johnson - I put him 8th in my wide receiver rankings…I didn’t think it was because he’d suck. One catch for 15 yards. Yahoo has him at the bottom of the receiving stats for Houston on the night which is silly when you see names like James Casey and Kevin Walter above him. Maybe Houston realizes they can literally run over their opponents this year and don’t need to throw. Oh wait, I already said that too. Hrm, so my top 10 prediction is looking both absurd and spot on all at the same time right now. I has a confuse.
Jeremy Kerley – Led the Jets with 9 targets and 5 receptions for 94 yards. Currently looking like the target of choice for Sanchez. Of course, we all know it’s Tebow time so next week it’ll be Chaz Schilens. Or maybe Stephen Hill. Yeah, just avoid this like Kerley avoided Santonio Moe’s attempt at an eye poke at the press conference. That was a Three Stooges reference and yes it was poorly constructed. Don’t act like you knew it before I even mentioned it! Kids these days.
Matt Schaub - Further confirmed to me that he’s a bench QB for fantasy purposes by not lighting the world on fire while not sharting the bed either. If you wanted more from him, I bite my thumb at thee while he flicks another part of his ear at you.
Shonn Greene - Just for fun, I was looking at his ESPN player card and his splits for this season. It said in wins, he averages 2.9 YPC but in losses only 2.6. He averaged 3.3 today and the Jets still lost. Splits are silly and so is Greene. Silly bad not teenage girl silly. Oh my gosh I like, LOVE, this new Taylor Swift fragrance! Don’t ask me if any of that’s true, I don’t hang out with teenage girls to know enough about them. It’s Grey on the baseball side with the windowless van mustache, not me. Sorry, Greene makes me get sidetracked. He should be a decent flex option but he’s just so damn bad. Or boring. Or both. Yes both.
Owen Daniels – Showed his owners his ‘O’wen face with 4 receptions for 79 yards and a TD as he led the Texans in both categories. Yes, this was against the team that lost Revis for the year folks. Just a further sign that Houston is a ‘run first, see if Keshawn Martin’s open later’ type of team now. Didn’t even bold his name because you don’t even need to know it and yet even he got the same amount of touches as Andre did in this game. To put that in French, incroyable!