Fred Taylor’s ankle took a time machine back to when it was younger and attached to the aptly nicknamed Fragile Fred. He was looking ok for the Patriots, but he could be out for the rest of the season and even if he isn’t he is still extremely droppable.
Ronnie Brown: My masculine infatuation with Ronnie has paid off so far, but this might be the biggest test to Super Badass Brown. SBB has a Jets D that is tough against the run, but is also getting Calvin Pace back from a 4 game suspension. That’s a long time to be suspended. I wonder if it was some kind of S&M thing. Whatever it was, Pace is a stud and will make that defense even better. I’d start Brown against the best of the ’85 Bears and ’75 Steelers combined, but don’t expect a huge game. Maybe just 275 total yards and 5 TD’s.
Cadillac Williams: The offensive coordinator Greg Olson wants to make him the main back, but he forgot to take into account Caddy’s bald tires. The dude cannot be an every down back without breaking, rupturing or tearing something. For now, if you are unfortunate enough to own him, you probably have to throw him out there as a flex play as long as he is the main guy. And how many jobs does Greg Olson have? Isn’t that a conflict of interest?
Miles Austin: According to google maps, it is exactly 1,175 miles to Austin from here. Sounds like an odd first line to a country song. There is a chance Roy Williams won’t go against KC, so Austin would be a nice pickup. I’m hoping Williams sits because I see a very big game from Austin against the KC corners if he does.
Eli Manning: Will he or won’t he? the answer is certainly “yes!” if the question is, will Eli do any commercial offered him? But, if the question is, will he play on Sunday?, the answer is, I dunno. He’ll probably be a game time decision, but they do have a early game so you should be able to check the news Sunday morning (which you can do in the comments of Sunday’s post!)
Michael Crabtree: How quickly will he learn the playbook and how effective will Shaun Hill be in getting him the ball? Why do you keep asking me all these questions!!? Oh, yeah, that was me. I am not picking Crabtree up everywhere, but I think he is worth a stash if you have room. He is a talent that could go all Percy Harvin on your shizz. But the Niners are the epitome of a run it down your gut while playing tough defense kind of team. The opportunities won’t be abundant.
Jamal Lewis: He was limited, but did practice on Thursday. I think he is permanently limited due to uselessoldness. If the Browns give him more than 5 carries after Jerome Harrison had a huge game as the primary back last week I will find Mangini and shove him into a bottle and throw it into Lake Erie and then someday in the hopefully much distant future someone will dredge it up and rub the bottle revealing Mangini who can only grant one wish, and that is, to make your football team suck. And I really don’t know anyone who would wish that.
Derrick Ward: Remember when I went off on Cadillac Williams?, yeah you do! It’s just up the page a bit. Are you reading this thing backwards?! Anyway, this might be a good time to grab Ward for almost nothing. Caddy will get hurt and Ward will replace him and maybe by then they’ll be able to move the ball a little bit.
Calvin Johnson: His injury isn’t much to worry about and Daunte Culpepper has enough arm to chuck it to him like he did last year. They will be losing and unable to run and you could see a similar line to last weeks against the Bears. Megatron is 190 matchup proof! I’m gonna start calling him Everclear.
Matt Hasselbeck: He practiced for a second straight day and looks likely to start against a dreadful Jags secondary. Dreadful I say! As long as he can go without limitations he would help all of the offense. Just remember that if he isn’t a for sure go you won’t know his status until 4:15 (east coast bias time). It would be nice if they could get back some of their offensive lineman, but that won’t happen this week. If you own him or any Seahawker just hope that line doesn’t get him hurt. Thankfully the Jags defense doesn’t hurt too many people.
Clinton Portis: He isn’t listed on the injury report for the first time since 1983 and he is going up against a Panthers defense that might as well be made of peanut brittle. Hope for a huge game and if you get it, don’t get greedy! Trade him! And then send me a pound of peanut brittle to thank me for my peanutty advice.
Braylon Edwards: He has stone hands, but is talented enough to elevate his game in his new New Jersey home. He also has all kinds of background with the Jets offense so he should be able to step in pretty quickly. Miami is a middling pass defense and Sanchez will probably try to get Braylon going early so he doesn’t have to hear him braying like a jackass later.
Santana Moss: He will have a tough time against Chris Gamble and when he has a tough time he has a grandma fell asleep cooking the turkey tough kind of time. I would not be surprised with zero receptions and one rush for -7 yards.
Mario Manningham: What has happened to you? Why aren’t you living up to your ham-phenated namesake? Well, whatever the problem, he hasn’t been targeted as much and has Eli hurting because he stepped on a gardener’s face or something. Add to that a decent Raiders pass defense and he is a sit and maybe a long term sit.
